


For Love & Country 2

by ARtheBard



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-07-12 17:51:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 64,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7116517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ARtheBard/pseuds/ARtheBard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain Harris has returned home but has brought the horrors of her time as a captive with her. Can Ali help Ashlyn fight the demons and regain her wife? Or will the memories of torture split them apart when their daughter needs them the most?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, here is part 2 of the Love & Country storyline. Ashlyn is fighting to get back to her old life but PTSD threatens to destroy all she holds dear. Sadly, for many of our service men and women, this is a reality, not a fiction. I have family and friends who have fought the demons and it is not a quick healing. Pray for our valiant men and women in uniform who see nightmarish images that they can't simply erase when they get home. And if you know someone who is struggling with PTSD, just be there for them even when they are pushing you away and don't be afraid to push them to get help. They can't get better alone and they need every weapon at their disposal from love to shrinks. 
> 
> This story is dedicated to MT, JE, and all the other men and women fighting PTSD.

Malak giggles as the young terrier-mix gives her kisses all over her face. Ashlyn stands nearby with Ali as Whit sits on the ground with her Goddaughter and the pup.

“So, Malak, this is Kirby.”

“Him likes me!”

Whitney chuckles. “He sure does. Do you see the coat Kirby is wearing?”

“Ah huh,” Malak nods, still playing with the puppy, who now has her glove in his teeth.

“Well, that coat means Kirby is a service dog. Dogs like Kirby can help people with all sorts of problems. Some help people who are blind or who are in wheelchairs or...or people who have had bad things happen to them.”

Malak looks at Whitney. She can tell she is supposed to understand what her aunt is saying but is not sure what it is. Whitney sighs, seeing the confusion.

“You see, Malak, Kirby is to help you when you have bad dreams or bad memories about...about the boom,” Whitney explains.

Malak slowly looks at the puppy, who is now chewing up her glove. She looks back at Whitney.

“How, Aunt Whit?”

Whitney smiles. “Well, when you have a nightmare, he can wake you up and give you kisses and you can love on him and you can tell him whatever you are scared of and he will be there to remind you that you are safe now. And you always will be.”

Malak looks over at the dog and thinks a second, before looking back to her aunt. “He’ll be my friend?”

Whitney smiles and nods. “He will be your friend and your secret keeper. And even better: he’ll be your protector when the bad dreams come at night or even if something worries you during the day.”

Malak shivers. “So...so when the boom happens at night...he’ll protect me?”

Whitney nods. “Yes. He’ll wake you up and remind you that you are now safe here with your Mommy and Mama.”

Malak thinks this over a minute then gets up and crawls into Whit’s lap. “Thanks, Aunt Whitney,” she says softly.

Whitney hugs her closely. “You’re welcome, Mallie. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.”

She kisses her on the cheek. “Now, go get to know your buddy.”

Malak giggles and hops up to go play some more with Kirby. Whitney stands up and walks over to Ash and Ali. Ashlyn immediately pulls her into a hug.

“Whit...I...thanks isn’t enough,” she chokes out.

“It’s more than enough, Ash.”

“No, it isn’t. Thank you for loving her and wanting to help her, Whit.”

Whit leans back and smiles at her. “She’s more than my Goddaughter, Ash. She’s my niece and she’s the one that helped my best friend start to heal. And she has made you and Ali so happy. How can I not want to help her in any way I can?”

Ash just pulls her close again, too choked up to try to answer. After a minute, the hug ends and Ali gets her chance.

“Thank you, Whit. Thank you so much.”

“My pleasure. Seriously.” She pulls some information out of her pocket. “These are all his official papers so he can travel as a service dog. There’s also information on classes all three of you can take online to learn more about maximizing his ability to help Mallie. He’s house trained, leash trained, loves to ride in cars and planes, he’s all around perfect.”

“How does he wake her if she’s having nightmares?” Ali asks.

“He’ll nuzzle her and lick her cheek until he senses she’s awake. When Wendy gets here to do her evaluation and home training with you all she will be able to explain it better,” Whitney notes.

“And when is that home eval?” Ali asks, looking through the paperwork.

“December 30th at 2,” Whitney answers.

“Perfect,” Ali states. She looks at her wife. “Any questions, babe?”

Ashlyn is too busy watching Malak and Kirby play. She shakes her head. “No. None. I just want...want her to feel as safe as possible. Always.”

Ali wraps an arm around her wife’s waist. “We all do, baby. We all do.”

 

* * *

 

Later that evening, Malak is in bed with her new best friend while the three adults are in the living room having a glass of wine and laughing about crazy times in their lives. Ali loves these get-togethers because she never fails to learn new things about her wife, most of which make her blush adorably.

“Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Remember that time you changed all the clocks in the athletic offices and classrooms?” Whitney says, barely able to stop laughing.

Ashlyn blurts out a laugh. “Oh, that was too funny! But I wasn’t alone on that caper!”

Ali shakes her head. “You didn’t?” she challenges.

“She did!” Whitney insists. “It was you, Tobin, uhhh...that guy Mark from the basketball team and Melanie from the tennis team, right?”

“And another unnamed conspirator,” Ashlyn confirms.

“I can’t believe you won’t tell me after all these years!” Whitney whines. Ashlyn just winks. Whit turns to Ali. “So, anyway, this group goes to the gym to supposedly get in a late workout. Only when they ‘leave’ they actually sneak up to the academic and coach’s offices. They change every single clock in classrooms so they are 10 minutes fast and the ones in the offices so that they are 15 minutes slow. That way, by the time professors show up to classes, everyone is gone because it is past the 10 minute window. Of course they check their watches, check the clocks in the classroom and can’t figure out what is going on. They just assume some sort of maintenance issue.”

“And of course call in a fix, right?” Ali guesses.

“Of course,” Whitney confirms. “So the next night, these goofs sneak in again and make the offices fast and the classrooms slow. So, another maintenance report is called in. This goes on for 2 weeks! People are arriving at all sorts of random times! Students are leaving, professors are getting pissed. Coaches are ticked that practice times are screwy. So finally the students are told that they will show up to classes based on what their watches say or they will not get credit.”

“Did they ever find out who was behind the madness?” Ali asks.

Ashlyn grins proudly. “Nope. Our Ace in the Hole made sure of that.”

“Aarrgh! Why won’t you tell me who that is?” Whitney gripes.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” Ashlyn assures her.

“TRY me!”

Ashlyn chuckles. “Okay.” She pauses. “Michael Jordan.”

Ali’s jaw drops open. Whitney stares at her best friend, studying her tells.

“Oh, BULLSHIT!” she finally blurts.

Ashlyn just shrugs. “Believe what you will.”

“I do NOT believe you met Michael Jordan and came up with that scheme with his help,” Whit insists.

“Believe what you must,” Ashlyn says smugly.

Ali studies her wife. She knows for a fact Ashlyn is lying because she had once asked if the blonde had met the basketball icon and the answer was no. She starts to giggle and takes a sip of wine as Whit drives herself crazy trying to figure out if MJ was really the mysterious figure that helped the delinquents with their clock joke. Finally she throws up her hands.

“Fine! Fine, it was Air Jordan. Sure, that’s as believable as anything else,” she grumbles as she pours herself another glass of wine.

Ashlyn just chuckles and takes a sip herself. She glances at her wife and can see Ali knows the truth. She gives her wife a wink, glad the brunette has not spilled the secret.

* * *

 

The next day Ashlyn is leading Whitney into her offices. The defender is taking Ashlyn and Colonel Menninger up on the chance to see more about what the Corps of Engineers do for the world.

“So, this is our hub here at Belvoir. Three of our teams are here right now and all the majors in charge of those teams have offices here as well as their admin captain.”

“And that’s what you are for Major Nettles, right?”

Ashlyn nods proudly. “Yes. I keep track of all requisitions, inventory counts, and notices of training requirements for all the soldiers on our Rapid Response Team. In the field, once I get back there, I will be in charge of knowing what our lieutenants have, where they are, and what they are focusing on wherever they may be.”

“Oh is that all,” Whit jokes.

Ashlyn chuckles. “Right.” She leads Whitney back to her office. “You can leave your purse in here. You can hang your coat on the rack while I check email really quickly. Then I can introduce you to Nettles and formally introduce you to the colonel and we can go from there.”

Whit nods and takes a seat. “Sounds good.”

As Ashlyn works, Whitney glances around the small office. She smiles as she sees all the pictures of Ali and Malak, as well as artwork done by Malak that Ashlyn has proudly displayed. One wall holds plaques she had been presented for various acts in the field or accomplishments she had achieved. Whitney chuckles as she sees the certificate from jump school, remembering Ali’s pride tempered by terror the first time Ashlyn had used that training. She also sees a unit picture from Iraq. The fact that the unit dog wears a Spirit jersey tells her that it was probably taken the day they did the special message for the Washington Spirit’s home opener.

Another wall holds pictures of Ash in the field, usually giving out toys and clothes to locals in disaster areas. Only one is from Iraq and it’s her and Michael Andrews staring proudly at a schoolroom full of boys and girls excited to be learning. It is possibly one of the few pictures from over there that Whit has seen where Ashlyn looks completely happy. Must have been taken early, she thinks. She hears Ashlyn roll her chair back and stand.

“Done. So, ready for the nickel tour?”

Whitney nods and gets up. “Yep. Can’t wait.”

“Then let’s get to it.”

The two Tar Heels walk out into the main area. Whitney sees almost all the cubicles are filled now, soldiers doing the paperwork that keeps their teams rolling along smoothly. Ash leads the way to a door with Major Nettles’ nameplate. She taps on the frame.

“Sir, have a guest hoping to meet you,” she states.

He smiles and stands. “Whitney Engen, pleasure to meet you,” he says, offering his hand.

Whitney smiles. “Good to meet you, too, sir. I’m surprised you know me.”

“Are you kidding? To hear Harris tell it, if your leg had been healthy no goals would have been scored on the US last summer.”

Whit gives her best friend an amused smile. Ashlyn shrugs. “You took care of me when I was your keeper. You’ve just gotten better with age.”

Whitney nudges her. “Thanks.” She looks to Major Nettles. “I’ve heard a lot of great things about you, sir. Ashlyn really admires and respects you.”

“Well, the feeling is mutual. I assume she’s giving you the tour promised to your team?”

Whit nods. “Yes, sir. I can’t wait to see, in person, some of the things she has told us about. The things you all do in some of these areas that are so devastated are incredible.”

Nettles smiles proudly. “All four of our teams pride themselves on setting a goal to get a place livable again...and then beating that estimated time.”

Whitney chuckles. “Sounds like you guys are as bad as athletes.”

He laughs. “Why, yes, I guess we are. Well, I’ll let you two get on with the tour.”

“Thank you, sir,” Ashlyn says as the two step out and make their way down the hall. “Most of my team leaders are down this way in the main bullpen. Lieutenant Bangle is out on leave today but Andrews is here and eager to meet you.”

“I’m eager to meet him, too,” Whitney says. “It’s nice to know someone has your back out there the way he does. He makes us all feel better about you returning to duty.”

Ashlyn nods. “Me, too. He and I clicked from day 1. He’s even asked me to lead the sword arch at his wedding. That’s pretty big for an enlisted man to ask of an officer. I’m damn proud to do it.”

“That’s so cool. That was so cute at your wedding.”

“Hey, Andrews, got a second,” Ashlyn calls out.

Andrews hops up and smiles. “So I finally get to meet THE Whitney Engen.” He leans towards her. “How about we dump the brass and swap stories about her?” he “whispers” conspiratorially.

Whitney busts out laughing as Ashlyn raises an eyebrow. “I like you already, Sergeant,” Whit says.

He smiles and extends his hand. “Truth is, I have the utmost respect for Cap and I’d follow her to the ends of the earth.”

Ashlyn pats his shoulder. “Some goes, Sarge.”

Whitney smiles. “I have to say, there is something about Ashlyn that inspires loyalty.” Ashlyn blushes. “I’m glad she had you over there, Andrews. She told us you’ve had her back more times than she can count, both pre-Iraq and while over there.”

He shrugs. “She’s forgetting the fact that she had our backs, too. Especially that last time. I’d follow her to hell and back.”

“Some would say you already have,” Whit points out. “No need to do it again.”

Ashlyn nods. “Damn right. So, if you two are done singing my praises, we can continue on, Whit. Or feel free to keep talking about how wonderful I am. I’m good with either option,” she jokes.

Whit rolls her eyes. “We better roll on while your head still fits in the Jeep.”

Andrews shakes his head. “Good luck with that one,” he says with a wink.

Ashlyn chuckles and pushes Whitney towards the hallway to Menninger’s office. “Let’s go, Trouble. Get back to work, Sarge.”

“Ma’am, yes, ma’am!” he says, snapping to attention.

Whit and Ash both chuckle as they walk away from the man. As they walk down the hallway, Whitney studies pictures on the walls showing various builds and missions the Belvoir engineers have been part of. She stops at one picture, smiling.

“Who took this picture?”

Ashlyn chuckles. “I’ve yet to find out. But I’ve stated that when I run this place, it’s going into the shredder.”

“I don’t know. I kinda like it,” Whit says with a grin.

Ashlyn rolls her eyes. “You would, you brat.”

The picture shows Ashlyn covered head to toe in mud...holding up a kitten who appears to be biting her finger while its claws are dug into her arm. Ashlyn’s face shows anger and pain.

“So...did the kitten live, big bad soldier?”

Ashlyn laughs. “Yes, the kitten lived. I went through a series of shots thanks to the ungrateful monster, but she lived. What you don’t see is the child crying just off camera who begged me to go after the little demon.”

“Demon? Seriously?”

“Whit, I was NOT covered in mud until the monster’s first attack took me down. That cat was a demon able to appear and disappear at will. It used that power to attack me repeatedly until I finally got it by the scruff and dragged the both of us out of the mud.”

“And Andrews is happy you have his back? A kitten took you out and you could have someone’s back? Seriously?” Whit teases.

Ashlyn grunts and walks on. “I hate you,” she mumbles as Whit just keeps giggling.

As they walk into Colonel Menninger’s suite, Ashlyn smiles at his new admin. “Hey, Swensen, is the colonel available?”

“He sure is. And probably happy for the interruption,” she replies as she buzzes his phone. “Sir, Captain Harris is here with a guest.” She listens a second. “Yes, sir.” She hangs up. “Go on in. He said stay as long as you want so he can get out of spreadsheet hell.”

Ashlyn chuckles and leads her best friend into the office. “Good morning, sir.”

“Good morning, Captain. And welcome to Belvoir, Whitney Engen,” he stands and offers his hand to their visitor.

“Good to officially meet you, sir,” Whitney says.

“You, too. The way you stepped up to support Ali when I brought the news of Ashlyn’s injury was admirable. I’m glad she had you,” he says sincerely.

Whitney shrugs. “She had the whole team. We really had the whole team.” She nudges Ashlyn. “This one is more sister to me than friend.”

He smiles. “She’s said as much herself. So, are you getting the full tour?”

Whitney nods. “I am. Paid for the full ticket,” she adds with a wink, making the soldiers chuckle. “Seriously, though, Ashlyn has told us all so much about what you all do I really want to see how it all comes together. It’s just incredible to me how you can take a town that has nothing left and make it a living entity in just a few days or weeks.”

“My teams pride themselves on taking on the impossible and showing the world it is, in fact, possible. And we’ve been able to show time and time again that delayed response means death and, in most cases, further destruction. The sooner we can get there with material needs and clean-up crews and tools the better our chance of saving everyone.” He gestures to the paperwork piled on his desk. “And of course every few months we have to answer to Pentagon and Congressional bean counters to show that what we are doing is worth it. To that end, stats are great but our best evidence comes from our photographers and videographers. Make sure Harris takes you to the viewing room to see some of the things we put together to show what we do.”

Whitney smiles and nods. “I definitely will. Any more pics of Ash being attacked by kittens?”

Menninger bursts out laughing as Ashlyn just groans. “I’m afraid we just have the one pic. It’s a favorite of everyone here.”

“Not everyone,” Ashlyn mumbles. “Well, sir, we’d hate to keep you from your fun. We’ll just run along now.”

He smiles. “If I didn’t have to get this done I’d join you both. Enjoy the tour, Ms. Engen.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“And, Harris, I’ll go ahead and tell you now, your presence is required at the meeting next week.”

Ashlyn groans. “Why?”

“Let’s see...2 Purple Hearts, 1 Bronze Star, and paperwork filed for additional hardware. I can’t imagine what they want to see you for,” he jokes.

Ashlyn sighs. “Yes, sir. I’m guessing dress blues not gym wear?”

He laughs. “Well, for this time we’ll say yes. Maybe next time for the sweats and a t-shirt.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good to see you again, Colonel,” Whitney says as they walk out the door.

Menninger nods as Ashlyn pulls the door closed behind her. Whitney glances at her.

“You okay with that?”

“The bean counter gathering?” Ash questions. Whit nods. Ashlyn shrugs. “Guess I have to be.”

“So, what awards are you up for?”

Ashlyn sighs. “Another Star, the Humanitarian Service Medal, and...and the Distinguished Service Cross.” Whitney’s jaw drops open. “But I probably won’t get them all. Probably just the Humanitarian one since I wasn’t in a combat unit and it wasn’t really a combat situation.”

Whitney stops walking and stares at her best friend. “Ashlyn, you nearly gave your life to save your men from insurgents. That sure as hell was a combat situation. And what you went through after...fuck, Ash...” her voice trails off.

Ashlyn turns and stares into Whit’s eyes. “I did my duty, Whit. As ranking officer it was my job to get my men home safely. I just did my job.”

Whit studies her a moment then smiles proudly. “You really believe that, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Ashlyn nods seriously.

Whit pulls her into a hug. “And that is why you are such a kick-ass human, my friend.”

Ashlyn just shrugs and pulls away. “I guess. Come on, next up is the fun stuff on the tour.”

Whitney nods and follows her, making a note to mention the possible awards to Ali, knowing her bestie probably hasn’t said a word about them. Ashlyn would always be, in the back of her mind, the little nobody from Satellite Beach. She had no real concept of the wonderful human being she has become.

Ashlyn walks them through the lots showing the various vehicles they can requisition to take with them when they respond to disasters. She points out marks on some vehicles and notes they are bullet holes or ricochet skids when the locals were less than thankful for the assistance. Whit just shakes her head at that insanity. They then walk through the various storehouses holding container upon container of food, water, blankets, and medical supplies. Whitney shakes her head.

“How the hell do you keep track of it all?”

Ashlyn walks over and pats a plastic lock on one crate. “Each of these locks is placed on the crate when it is filled and ready to go. The SKU numbers are unique to each item so with a quick scan we can see how much we have on hand of a particular item.”

“And those are only put on when the bins and crates are full?”

Ashlyn sighs. “Supposedly.”

“Hence the riot you got caught up in when someone half-assed the water count,” Whitney notes.

Ash nods. “Exactly. Those numbers also help us keep track of who inventoried the crates which is why we were able to track down the ass that fucked us over. He found out that months left to retirement didn’t mean shit when he fucked up that badly. Retired two grades below what he had been and with a pretty nasty black mark on his official records. Rumor was he blamed me and Nettles for it when he was the one that signed off on the crates.”

“Jackass,” Whitney mumbles.

“Damn right. Now, I’ve saved this next building for last.” Ashlyn smiles as they make their way next door.

Inside they find 15 privates and corporals sorting and filling boxes of clothes, shoes, toys, etc. donated by Nike, Adidas and, as of this year, Puma. Whitney smiles and shakes her head.

“In-freakin’-credible!”

Ashlyn smiles. “Damn right. Thanks to the team we’ve become a perfect hub for 3 companies to write off things they were planning to destroy and they can donate us good, new product, too, for another write off. When I see things like this it just reminds me how wonderful you women really are; in a way the public will never really know or appreciate.”

They walk slowly along the tables of crates being put together. Ashlyn points to an open area. “Want to put a kit together?”

Whitney smiles happily. “Seriously? Yes!”

Ashlyn grins and looks around for the staff sergeant in charge. “Newt! Got a volunteer packer.”

Sgt. Newton walks over and extends his hand. “Hi, you must be Whitney.”

Whit grins. “I am. And I’ve heard many stories about you. Thanks for having my best friend’s back over there.”

Newton grins. “She didn’t need this old dog much. She’s a damn fine leader.” He looks around. “Peters! Got someone here who wants to fill a crate.”

“Yes, Sergeant!”

A few minutes later, Whitney is using a check sheet to fill a crate with various sizes of shirts and shorts from all 3 companies.

“This will be listed as a clothes bin and will show all sizes inside,” Ashlyn explains. “When we get early reports on villages, we get estimated numbers of people affected. We’ll take as many bins of clothes as we can to make sure everyone has something clean to wear. It promotes health and healing just to be able to put a clean shirt on sometimes.”

Whitney nods. “I can totally see that.” She places the last shirt into the box as Ashlyn checks it off on the paperwork. “Done.”

“Excellent. You’ve just helped at least 40 people have something clean and dry to wear,” Ashlyn tells her.

Whitney smiles as she stares into the crate. “Wow...when you put it that way...just...wow.”

Ashlyn smiles. “Yeah, that’s pretty much how I feel when I pack one of these.”

“What about the toys?” Whit asks.

“Those will be packed tomorrow.”

“Damn. Would be nice to pack one of those, too.”

Ashlyn nods. “I get that. But we do these in order to make sure necessities are packed first and to keep from having too many inventories going at one time.”

Whitney watches as Newton double checks the inventory sheet against what he sees in the crate. He then checks it off, seals the crate with the plastic lock and zaps it with his scantron. He smiles at Whit.

“Well done. Only 200 more to go.”

Whitney laughs. “Oh, uh, I hate to leave all that to you guys but we have a schedule, right, Ash?”

Ashlyn shrugs. “We’ve got time. You could probably knock out 100 or so, Whit.”

“Jerk,” she mutters as the soldiers laugh.

Newton extends his hand. “Thank you for the crate and for being part of the reason we have these amazing gifts to take with us. It means more than you can know.”

“I’ve seen the pictures at headquarters and in all these warehouses. To see the kids so happy when they have nothing or to see women thankfully able to clothe themselves and regain a bit of dignity means more than I can say. Thank you, Sergeant, for all you do.”

They shake hands and Ash and Whit leave to make their way back to the offices to await the arrival of Ali and Malak. As they walk, Whit glances at her best friend.

“So, you going for 20?” she asks, wondering if Ash is aiming for the full 20 years before she can retire with full benefits.

Ashlyn smiles. “If they’ll have me that long, yeah, I think I am.”

Whit wraps her arm around her waist. “I am so happy for you.”

“Thanks, Whit. Still say you’re one of the reasons I am here. You taught me so much, usually without even trying. I’ve got a hell of a lot of people that helped me get to where I am today. I appreciate each and every one of you.”

When they walk into the Engineer’s HQ, Ashlyn smiles when she hears her daughter talking to Andrews. Malak is telling him all about the things she got from Santa and he is listening very attentively. Ashlyn grins.

“I’d say her first Christmas was a success.”

Whitney chuckles. “Definitely.”

“Hey, Squirt,” Ashlyn says.

Malak spins around. “MAMA!”

The little girl runs over and Ash lifts her up into a hug. “How’s my Mal Bear doing today?”

“Good! We gonna have pizza that the X!”

Ashlyn and Whitney chuckle. The little girl loves getting pizza at the PX Food Court or rather, as she calls it, the X. Ashlyn kisses her cheek.

“Then we are really lucky!”

“Ah huh! We is!” Malak agrees.

As they walk into Ashlyn’s office, they hear Ali ending a phone call.

“Sounds good, Jill. I’ll see you in Texas. Happy New Year!” she hangs up and grins at Whit. “She’s calling the team over the next couple of days for Qualifiers in Texas.”

Whitney smiles. “Cool. Hopefully I’ll get the call.”

Ash pats her on the back. “I’m sure you will.” She looks at her wife. “I didn’t expect you all so early. I had Whit doing some grunt work or we’d have been back sooner.”

“Grunt work?” Ali replies with a grin. “Did you put her through the obstacle course?”

Whit and Ash laugh. “No, she let me put together a crate of clothes for their humanitarian missions. It was actually pretty cool.”

“Neat! Yeah, it gave me a good feeling the first time I helped with that. I’m just glad I didn’t have to fill them all!” Ali notes.

“I second that!” Whit agrees.

Ali looks up at her wife. “So, we decided to come a little early since you have to duck out at 4 today for your doctor’s appointment.” Ashlyn blushes, looks away and swallows hard. The smile dies on Ali’s face. “Ashlyn...don’t tell me...”

Whit senses this is not going to be pretty and stands. “Malak, why don’t we go finish telling Sgt. Andrews about Christmas?”

“Um’kay!”

After the two leave the office, Ashlyn moves behind her desk. Ali stands and shuts the door.

“What the fuck, Ashlyn?”

Ashlyn shrugs, still refusing to look at her wife. “She was just trying to push drugs on me. I mean, I know some could help but there’s got to be more to therapy than hiding the shit behind meds, right?”

Ali leans on the desk. “That is 3 shrinks since THANKSGIVING! First one’s voice was too nasally. Second one had walls the ‘wrong’ colour, whatever the fuck that means. And now it’s because she suggested MEDS?! Are you fucking SERIOUS?!”

Ashlyn slams her fists down onto the desk, her eyes filled with fury. “You do NOT get to tell me what shrink is right or wrong for me! I have to feel 100% comfortable or it’s pointless! Deal with it!”

Ali glares at her. “Maybe YOU should be the one dealing with it, Ashlyn. Don’t bother joining us for lunch. I can’t stand to look at you right now.”

“Whit leaves this afternoon and she’s MY friend! I’ll fucking go to lunch with her if I want. You can drive your ass home if you don’t want to join us.”

Ali grabs her coat and yanks it on. “Fine. I’ll go but ONLY because I have to take her to the airport. But I swear to you, Ashlyn, find a shrink that works or else.”

Ashlyn’s eyes narrow. “Or else WHAT, Alex?”

“I think you know,” Ali says as she opens the door and storms out.

Ashlyn takes a few deep breaths to try to get control of her emotions. She grabs her coat and walks out, seeing Ali already leaving with Malak. Whitney just lifts a brow at her friend. Ashlyn just grunts and follows her wife out, not saying a word to Whitney. The defender sighs. It’s going to be a long, long uncomfortable lunch.


	2. Chapter 2

As the quartet eats lunch, Ali and Ash hardly acknowledge each other. Malak, however, keeps up a steady stream of conversation with all three of the adults so she doesn’t pick up on the tension in the air. After 45 minutes, Ali glances at her watch.

“Well, we probably need to head towards National in case of traffic or anything,” she notes.

Ashlyn glares at her, knowing she is cutting time with Whit short because she is mad at her wife. “Traffic should be fine if you leave in 15 minutes,” she points out.

“Oh, so you know the traffic situation? Do you have some magic insight I don’t?” Ali snarks.

Before Ash can answer, Whit sits forward. “How about you go warm up the car, Al; give Ash and I a couple minutes to say goodbye?”

Ali grunts and looks at Malak, forcing a smile to her face. “How about we go wash up then get the car?”

“Um’kay, Mommy.”

She hops down as Ali stands and the two head off. Whit turns and locks onto Ashlyn.

“I know you have your reasons and I know you’ve probably not been honest about them; not to Ali and not to yourself. I love you, Ash, and I’m taking your side,” she says to stop Ashlyn’s protest before it starts. “You know you want to get well for your wife, for your daughter, and for yourself. Figure out what’s really making you dump the shrinks and face it. You’re a fucking warrior, Ash. You wouldn’t have gotten out of Satellite Beach if you weren’t. And when it gets hard, when you need to scream, you call me. I’ve got your back, Ash, just like always. And part of that is watching you so you don’t self-destruct.”

Ashlyn looks down at the table, seeing her hand clenched in a tight fist. “I...I don’t know...what’s wrong with me, Whit,” she admits quietly.

“And a psychiatrist can help you figure that out, Ash. But you have to be willing to put in the time to find the right one. You got lucky before and clicked with your first doc. There’s nothing wrong with needing time to find the right one but you need to talk to Ali, not just...hold it all in until it blows up in your face, okay?” Ashlyn nods. “Promise me you’ll talk to her tonight?”

Ashlyn sighs, her hand relaxing. “I promise.”

“Good.” She stands and gathers up the trash. “Let’s go, Ash.”

Ashlyn takes a dew deep breaths then stands and follows her friend out to the parking lot. As they reach the car they see Ali stand from securing Malak in her seat. Whitney quickly gets in, leaving the couple staring at each other. Ashlyn reaches for Ali’s hand, flinching when the brunette takes a step back.

“Can we talk tonight? Please?” Ashlyn asks. “I’ll explain everything.”

“Everything? Even why you were essentially lying to me until you got called out on it?”

“I wasn’t lying!” Ashlyn blurts out, the anger returning. She runs a hand over her face. “Head north. Traffic might suck. I’ll walk back to the office.”

She turns and storms away.

“ASHLYN! Ash, come back and let me give you a ride! Ashlyn!” Ali calls but Ash ignores her. Finally Ali throws her hands in the air. “Fine, hard fucking head,” she mutters and gets in.

“Where Mama?” Malak asks.

“She, uh, had to make a stop before going back to work. We’ll see her tonight,” Ali answers as Whit just sighs in resignation.

The ride to the airport is silent but for Malak singing songs from “Frozen.” When they pull up in front of the departure terminal, Whit turns to Ali.

“Help me grab my bag?”

Ali sighs in frustration and gets out, popping the trunk. When they get to the back end, Whit looks at her.

“Ash is being a jerk, yes. But you know as well as I do that she knows she needs help but if she is not comfortable with the shrink she won’t get it. How long did it take her to open up to you, Ali?”

Ali sighs. “But...she was okay with a doctor before.”

“No, she was okay with _that_ doctor. She got lucky. Give her time, Ali. And maybe...talk to Jamie. Maybe he knows a doc in this area that will click with Ash.”

Ali’s eyes widen. She hadn’t thought about talking to Ashlyn’s old friend Jamie Tworkowski. She runs a hand through her hair. “I’ll...talk to Ash. Maybe we can call Jamie together.” She inhales deeply. “I love her, Whit, and I’m not giving up on her. I swear. Days like this are rare. But as long as they keep happening she has to do her best to get well. If not for me,” she looks towards the car, “then for her.”

Whitney smiles and nods. “She knows.”

Ali grabs Whit’s bag. “Go say goodbye to your Goddaughter.”

Whitney smiles and steps to the side of the car and opens the back door. She ruffles Malak’s hair. “You be good, little one. Okay?”

“Um’kay, Aunt Whit. Thank you for Kirby.”

Whitney smiles. “My pleasure, kiddo. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

The two share a hug and kiss then Whit closes the door and grabs her bag. She looks at Ali. “Call me if you need me.”

Ali smiles. “I will. Promise.”

The two share a hug then Whit hurries into the terminal. Ali hurries to get into her car. She glances at Malak in the back.

“So, ready to head home?”

“Yeah, Mommy. Kirby misses me.”

Ali chuckles. “I am sure he does.”

She puts the car in gear and pulls out. Time to get home and think about how to talk to her wife about the help the soldier desperately needs.

* * *

 

Ali bristles when she hears Ashlyn’s Jeep pull into the driveway. She glances at the clock.

“Eleven-fucking-thirty-three. Thanks for the call, asshole,” she mumbles.

A few minutes later Ashlyn walks in the front door, tossing her keys on the table in the entry way. She walks past her wife into the kitchen. Ali smells the unmistakable scent of beer. She rolls her eyes.

“Drinking and driving? Brilliant, Captain,” she states.

Ashlyn spins around. “I had two fucking beers! Back off!”

“It’s 11:30, Ashlyn! Why the hell didn’t you call? Where the hell have you been?”

“Sorry, Mom, didn’t know I had a curfew,” she says sarcastically.

“What the fuck?”

Ashlyn rolls her eyes. “Spears got back from Afghanistan today. A few of us went to the Officer’s Club to welcome him home. Is that okay?” She starts to dig in the fridge for some food.

“NO! I mean, it’s okay to welcome him home but NOT okay for you to not call or text or ANYTHING to tell me where you are! I had to LIE to our daughter about why you missed her bedtime!”

Ashlyn had been digging for food but as Ali had scolded her she grabs a beer instead. Then Ali’s last sentence hits her. Hard. She stands up, staring at the beer in her hand.

“And more alcohol! Perfect! Sober up!” Ali says then spins and storms out of the kitchen.

Ashlyn slowly sits down at the kitchen table. She stares at the beer in her hand.

“Holy shit...I’m...I’m starting down her path...”

Her eyes slide out of focus as she slips into a memory.

* * *

 

_“Grandma? I thought Mama was coming home tonight,” 7 year-old Ashlyn says in confusion._

_Grandma smiles. “She, um, had an unexpected appointment. But that means you get to sleep over. Won’t that be fun? We can make cookies!”_

_Ashlyn grins. “Cool! Chocolate chip?”_

_Grandma chuckles and nods. “But of course. Come on, Smashlyn, let’s see if we can do it without breaking anything but the eggs this time, okay?”_

_Ashlyn blushes and giggles. “Okay, Grandma, but no promises.”_

_A little while later Ashlyn is staring into the oven, willing the cookies to cook faster. She hears the front door open and the sound of stumbling steps._

_“ASHLYN! LET’S GO!”_

_Ashlyn turns around. “Mama! We making cookies!”_

_Tammye walks into the kitchen. “I don’t care. Let’s go!”_

_Ashlyn’s face falls. “But...they’ll be ready soon. And I helped make them.”_

_Tammye is furious. “Get your book bag and let’s GO!”_

_Grandma steps into the room. “Tammye, can we talk a moment.”_

_Ashlyn watches as her grandmother leads her mother from the kitchen. She eases to the door to listen to the whispers. She doesn’t hear much just a few words. Drunk. Beer. Disappointment. Need help. She turns and slowly walks back over towards the oven, her excitement about the cookies waning. She hears the front door open and close, then the sound of her mother’s car starting up. Her eyes widen and she races towards the door._

_“MAMA! WAIT! MAMA YOU FORGOT ME!” she screams._

_Grandma intercepts her. “Easy, Ashlyn. Mama wasn’t feeling well so she decided to let you stay here so you don’t get sick, too.”_

_“Really?”_

_Grandma smiles. “Really.” Just then the timer dings. “And good timing! Let’s go check those cookies.”_

_Ashlyn nods and follows her grandma back into the kitchen. For some reason, she is not as excited about the cookies as she had been._

* * *

 

With a shaking hand, Ashlyn sets the beer on the table. She slowly stands and makes her way upstairs. She bypasses the room she shares with her wife and instead goes to their daughter’s room. She can’t help but smile when she sees the blankets all askew and Kirby cuddled into Malak’s right side, the owl on her left. She straightens the blankets and gives her little girl a kiss.

“I’m so sorry, baby girl. I am so, so sorry I wasn’t here tonight. I’m...I’m sick, honey. But I want to get well; I will fight to get well. I promise you. I won’t be my mother.” She takes a shuddering breath as her tears start and her voice chokes up. “I won’t make you live your young life wondering when I’ll come home or in what condition I will be in. I swear to you, Malak, I will fight to get better. I swear it. I love you so much.”

She stares at her daughter a few more minutes then gets up and slowly makes her way to the bedroom. As she walks in she sees her wife sitting in the bed, the child monitor in her hands, tears on her cheeks. She had heard the soldier’s vow to their daughter. Ashlyn eases the door closed.

“I’m so sorry, Alex. I’m...I’m so scared I’m losing myself. I didn’t drink that beer I pulled out. I swear I only had 2 at the O Club. The thing is...I knew I couldn’t drive drunk but all I could think about was getting home so I could keep on drinking so I could forget everything.”

“What’s everything?” Ali asks.

“Over there. Disappointing Mallie. Upsetting you. Everything bad.” She leans against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. “I should have told you I dropped the third shrink. I should have been honest with both of us why I did.”

“Why did you?”

Ashlyn is silent a few minutes, making Ali wonder if she’d get an answer or not. “The meds. She kept talking meds for this, meds for that. Fuck, I think there were 5 she was ready to give me a prescription for. That’s not going to help me long term. I need to...to face the shit haunting me, not just bury it so it explodes later.”

Ali nods. “I agree. And I’d have suggested you leaving her if you’d brought home all that shit.”

Ashlyn sighs. “I know. But...but I felt like a failure. What’s so fucked in me that I can’t find a shrink or that drugs are the only hope for me?”

Ali gets up and approaches her wife. She cradles Ash’s face in her hands and forces green eyes to look deep into brown. “You are not fucked, Ashlyn. You are...are hurting. You know that. It would be fucked if you didn’t know it. You will get well because we will make you get well together.” She takes a deep breath. “Whit suggested maybe we call Jamie. Maybe he knows someone that will be more...you.”

Ashlyn thinks a second then nods. “Yeah, that sounds...like maybe a good idea.” She studies her wife a minute. “So...you’re not...I mean, we’re...uh...”

Ali’s heart breaks at the uncertainty and fear in her wife’s eyes. She brings her into a gentle kiss. When it ends, she looks her wife in the eyes.

“I love you, Ashlyn. We’ll get through this _together_. Just...please, trust me. I don’t care if you go through 20 shrinks before you find one. I want you to get better and that’s all I want. Okay? Well, maybe honesty, too.”

Ashlyn nods, bringing her hands up to take her wife’s. “Honesty you’ll have. I promise.” She swallows. “I’m scared, Alex. What if...if I don’t get better? What if...if I slip like my Mom did?”

“You won’t, Ashlyn. I won’t let it happen. Our friends and family won’t let it happen. Trust us when you can’t trust yourself, okay?”

Ashlyn nods. She takes a deep breath. “Common sense says I’ll screw up again; piss you off some more.”

Ali smiles. “I know. I’m here for the long haul, Ashlyn. We’ll get you better. I promise.”

“Okay. There’s...something you’ll need to do for me?”

“Name it.”

“Take Malak with you to Qualifiers. Tiffany is off until the next surgeries and I don’t...don’t trust myself to be alone with our daughter just yet. Not with all this shit coming out of my head.”

Ali smiles and kisses her again. “I’ll let Jill know tomorrow. Thank you for thinking about her and protecting her.”

Ashlyn pulls her wife into a hug. “That’s all I want: her safe.”

“I know, baby. I want that, too. But I also want you safe. I love you both so much.”

“I love you, too.”

A little while later the women climb into bed. And this night it is Ashlyn snuggling into Ali, who holds her wife and prays the nightmares stay away but knows the emotional night will probably lead to a restless sleep.

And, sadly, she is right.

* * *

 

Two nights later, the women are entangled together, naked. Ashlyn stares at her wife, flushed and glistening after making love for a couple of hours. Ali smiles up at her wife.

“What are you staring at?”

“The most beautiful woman in the world,” Ashlyn answers honestly.

Ali strokes the blonde’s cheek. “How is that possible when I am doing the same thing?”

Ashlyn turns and looks up at the ceiling. “Did you install a mirror when I wasn’t looking?”

Ali giggles and turns Ashlyn’s face back, giving her a gentle kiss. “You’re silly. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Ashlyn pauses. “And...I’m sorry.”

Ali frowns. “Sorry? About what?” Her heart speeds up. Was Ashlyn going to suggest a separation while she healed mentally? No. Fucking. Way.

“I did something very unfair to you and I should have apologized for it years ago.”

Okay, so not about the PTSD issues. “What do you mean?” Ali asks.

Ashlyn rolls to her back, pulling Ali close. The brunette snuggles into her wife.

“Ashlyn, what’s going on in your head? What are you apologizing for?”

Ashlyn sighs. “I...I knew you were still...unsure about us. Yes, we had made love and I knew you...enjoyed it. But I also knew you were still struggling with what it all meant.” She takes a deep breath. “I was selfish, Alex.”

“Ash, are you talking about the camp where we first acted on our feelings?” Ali asks incredulously.

Ashlyn nods. “Yeah. You see, I couldn’t believe someone like you would even look at me once, let alone want to be with me forever. I was still pretty insecure back then about...about my worthiness, you know?”

Ali nods. “I remember.”

“Well, so, uh, I knew you were still unsure but...but I asked you to be my girlfriend.” She finally meets Ali’s eyes. “I shouldn’t have done that. See the thing is...I figured you’d go back to Germany and realize that I wasn’t near your league, woman or not. But I also knew you liked me enough to say yes. And I figured even if it was just for a few days, I would always know that at one time, for one glorious minute, Alexandra Krieger was my girl. It was selfish, Alex. I’m sorry. And I’m sorry you carried guilt for sleeping with someone while you were questioning things still. That should have been the natural progression. I screwed it up, not you. I want you to know that.”

Ali rolls on top of her wife. She cradles her face and gives her a deep kiss. When it ends she stares into nervous green eyes. “Thank you for saying that. Truth is, I was scared if I said no you’d find someone else. We both screwed up that day. But regardless of that day, of those following weeks, the only thing I would change is sleeping with a man to show myself I loved you.” She smiles. “Not only did it really, really suck compared to making love to you,” Ashlyn grins at that, “it also just made me feel like a horrible slut and a terrible girlfriend.”

“You were neither of those things, Alex,” Ashlyn insists.

“Maybe not, but that’s how I felt. I hope you know, no one has ever even made me look twice since I admitted my life is empty without you.”

Ashlyn nods. “I know. I feel the same way.” She pauses. “Uh, well, sorta...”

Ali lifts an eyebrow. “Sorta?”

Ashlyn sighs, looking nervous. Ali’s heart starts to race again. Did near misses in Iraq make Ash seek comfort in another woman’s arms? Did some tragedy in another country with the Rapid Response Team make her think about straying? Ashlyn bites her lip.

“Well...you see...I always knew she was hot but seeing Heidi Klum in person at the Taylor Swift concert just, you know...moved me,” Ashlyn states...then starts to grin.

Ali starts to chuckle and slaps her on both shoulders. “You jerk! I thought you were being serious!”

Ashlyn’s eyes widen. “I am! Damn, honey, did you SEE her? Any doubt why she is #1 on my sexception list?”

The two laugh and wrestle a little until Ali finally pins her wife’s arms to the bed. Yes, she knows the strong soldier could easily escape but is happy she doesn’t. She leans down capturing her mouth in a passionate kiss.

“So...bygones?” she asks when the kiss ends.

Ashlyn nods. “Bygones. You’re it for me, Alex. Had you left me, I’d have died an old spinster surfer with a well-used vibrator.”

Ali bursts out laughing. “And battery companies of the world cry at the thought of lost revenue.”

“Damn right. Hell, I might have actually read some of that fanfic about you just to see what people think your sexual proclivities are.”

Ali rolls her eyes and lays down on her wife. “Something tells me it would be scary. Maybe true, but scary.”

Ashlyn chuckles and rubs her hand up her wife’s back. “But it might give us ideas about things to- -”

Her statement breaks off as they hear whimpers coming through the child monitor. In seconds both women are up, yanking on clothes as they start towards their daughter’s room. In the hallway, Ali grabs Ashlyn’s arm.

“Wait!” she hisses.

Ashlyn starts to protest, then she hears it, too. They ease closer to the door but do not enter.

“Thanks for waking me, Kirby. I was in the boom again. But I don’t need to be scared of that a’cause Mama and Mommy and now you won’t make me go there ever again. I safe here, Kirby. I safe.”

Ali wraps her arms around Ashlyn’s waist. They hear Malak grow quiet and ease into the room. She is petting her dog, who just lays right up against her, wagging his tail. Ashlyn walks over, sits on the edge of the bed, and runs a hand over her little girl’s head.

“All good, Mal Bear?”

Malak nods. “Ah huh, Mama. I had a bad dream but Kirby wakeded me and reminded me that him and you and Mommy is gonna always be here to protect me.”

Ali walks over and places a hand on Ashlyn’s shoulder. “You bet we are,” she confirms.

Malak smiles and hugs Kirby. “Him helps, Mommy. Lots.”

Ali smiles and pets the pup on the head. “I am so happy he does, Mallie. So very happy indeed.”

“And him likes stories and songs, too,” Malak insists.

Ashlyn grins and leans over to kiss her forehead. “Then I guess Mommy and I need to help you two get back to sleep. Did I ever tell you the story of the little forest fairy named Malak and her faithful bumble bee Kirby?”

Ali grins as Malak chuckles. “No, Mama.”

“Well, then I guess I better tell you.”

Ali moves to the other side of the bed as Ashlyn weaves another fantastic tale starring their little girl and, this time, her faithful friend Kirby. When it finally ends, Malak’s eyes are heavy. It only takes 2 verses of “Brown-Eyed Girl” for her to slip back to sleep. Ashlyn ruffles Kirby’s fur and strokes his ears. She kisses him on the head.

“Thanks for helping our girl, Kirb.”

Ali pets him, too, then the women take their leave. In the hallway, Ali looks at Ashlyn. “Remind me to send Whit the biggest gift basket I can find for getting that dog for our daughter.”

Ashlyn smiles. “We’ll pick it out together.”

The two head back to their bedroom, planning to sleep. But since the next day is Saturday and Ashlyn doesn’t have to work...they get back to their previous activities, enjoying each other well into the wee hours of the morning.  
 


	3. Chapter 3

“It’s not that I don’t think meds can help, I just don’t want my whole therapy to be about the right cocktail and not about working these demons out, you know?” Ashlyn says as she lays on her bed, staring at the ceiling  
  
“I get it completely, Ash,” Jamie Tworkowski replies. “What you’re working through isn’t a chemical imbalance that can be assisted. It’s a result of a traumatic event or twenty.”   
  
Ashlyn grins. “Exactly. How do I find the right shrink, Jaim? How do I find the one that can help unlock my head?”  
  
“Well, I do know a couple up that way I trust but I’m not sure they work with PTSD. How about I call them and see what or who they recommend?”   
  
“Seriously? You’d do that for me?” Ashlyn says in surprise.  
  
“Hell, yeah. Between your wife and your friends on the team, TWLOHA is getting unprecedented exposure. Consider these calls your advertising fee,” he jokes.

Ashlyn chuckles. “You know I do that because I believe in you and your organization. So do they.”   
  
“I know. But still, they’ve definitely brought new people to us and that’s incredible to me. Let me make some calls and I’ll be in touch soon.”   
  
“Thanks, Jamie. Love you.”   
  
“Love you, too, Ash.”   
  
Ashlyn hangs up her phone and takes a deep breath. Yet another reminder that she has an incredible support group around her to make sure she’ll be okay. She had been upset when both Whit and HAO weren’t called into camps for Qualifiers but those two had set aside their disappointment and decided to spend time with Ash so she’s not alone while Ali is gone. Lori had also promised to be at hand if needed.   
  
“I’m going to get through this with the love and help of my friends and family,” Ashlyn promises aloud. “I’m going to be someone I can trust and love again.”  
  
“Of course you will,” Ali says from the doorway.   
  
Ashlyn turns her head and smiles at her wife. “Jamie is making a couple of calls for me. Heather, Whit and Lori plan to soldier-sit me. Your dad will be here in a heartbeat if I need him. I’m going to be missing you and Malak like crazy but I’ll be healing, Alex. I promise I will be healing.”   
  
Ali smiles and walks over. She crawls up onto the bed and snuggles into her wife. “I know you will be, Ash. Never had a doubt that you would fight to get better. You’re not a quitter. You’re just healing.”   
  
Ashlyn pulls her wife so she is on top of her. She stares up into compassionate brown eyes. “I love you. Thank you for standing by me through everything. Your love has made me a better person and your love will be the greatest portion of my journey as I heal.”   
  
Ali leans down and kisses her wife. “You never have to thank me for loving you. I’ll be here for you, Ash, for the rest of our lives.”   
  
Ashlyn smiles. “I know.”   
  
She pulls Ali down into another kiss. It is starting to deepen when they hear an exasperated sigh. They break apart and look to the side of the bed to see Malak standing there. The women blush.   
  
“Mommy, stop kissin’ on Mama. We gotsa go!”  
  
Ashlyn chuckles. “Where are you two going, Mal Bear?” “Mommy sayed all 3 of us was gonna go to a moosum.”  
  
Ashlyn lifts an eyebrow and looks at her wife. “A what?”   
  
Ali giggles. “A museum. We need a day out together. Next weekend we’ll be at the wedding so today we’re spending just the three of us together.”   
  
Ashlyn smiles. “Sounds perfect.” Looks at her daughter. “I’m guessing it sounds good to you, too?”   
  
Malak nods eagerly. “Yes! Mommy sayed there’s a giant ephalant and dinosaurs and stuff!”  
  
“Ah, the Natural History Museum. Like a zoo without movement,” Ashlyn jokes.  
  
Ali smiles. “Exactly. Since it’s so windy I’ve ordered up an Uber.”   
  
Ashlyn frowns. “That will be crazy expensive, baby. Why not just take the Metro?”   
  
“Did you miss the part about the wind? Too cold to walk from the Metro to the museum. I can’t risk a cold.”   
  
“Ah. Good point. So, Uber it is, my sugar mama,” Ashlyn jokes.   
  
Ali slaps her wife on the arm and hops up. “Get ready. We leave in about 20 when the car gets here.”   
  
“Twenty minutes? Thanks for the heads up.” She looks at Malak and stage whispers. “Good thing I don’t take as long to get ready as Princess Ali does.”   
  
Malak giggles as Ali mock-glares at her wife.

* * *

 

As they step into the museum entrance, Ashlyn takes off her backpack to go through security. It is empty for now but will soon hold the three coats for her family. She turns to Ali and sees her frowning at their daughter. The blonde looks down and sees Malak staring in fear at the metal detectors.   
  
“Damn...like the airport,” Ashlyn mumbles. Ali nods. Ash drops to a knee. “Mal, honey, ready to walk through?” Malak shakes her head. “How about Mommy walks through first then you. Like at the airport, okay?” Malak shakes her head. “Malak, honey, why not?”   
  
Malak swallows hard. “They eats people,” she whispers.  
  
Ashlyn glances at Ali, who shrugs. “What do you mean, honey?” the defender asks.  
  
“Them eated Sir’us and Harry was sad.”   
  
Ashlyn is baffled. She looks up at Ali, who shrugs.   
  
Another woman, who had been watching the interaction chuckles. She pats Ali on the arm. “I think she means in Harry Potter. In one of the movies- -”  
  
“The Order of the Phoenix,” her son chimes in.  
  
“Right. That one. There is a magical doorway and when Sirius falls through it he, well, passes on.”   
  
Ali rolls her eyes. “Ohhhh! Thank you so much! We’ve been fighting this a couple months now.”  
  
The woman chuckles. “No problem.”   
  
Ashlyn smiles and looks at her daughter. “Did you watch that in the hospital?” Malak nods. “Well, I promise you, Malak, those types of doorways don’t exist in our world. We’re just Muggles, non-magical people. Only magical worlds have those kinds of doors.”   
  
Malak swallows. “Promise?”   
  
Ashlyn smiles and nods. “Promise. If I knew magic, I’d make you fly.”  
  
Malak grins. “Groovy!”  
  
Ashlyn laughs and kisses her on the cheek. “Very groovy,” she agrees.  
  
In a few minutes, the family is through security. Ashlyn starts to roll their coats and put them in her backpack.   
  
Ali squats down with Malak. “So, all better now about the security booths?”   
  
Malak nods. “Yeah, Mommy. All better.”   
  
“Great!” Ali gives her a hug and a kiss.   
  
Yes, it was just one small hurdle for her little girl to overcome but she had done it. And if she can beat this, she can beat any other nightmare she faces, the brunette assures herself. She has to admit, she was concerned about the trip to Texas without Ashlyn to help get Malak through security. She had been banking that Kirby would help but now she is confident that not even the pup will be needed to get her through security. He will just be needed when the dreams became too much for her little girl. And Ali will be thankful to have him.  
  
“I love you, Mallie,” she says and kisses her cheek.   
  
“Love you, Mommy.”   
  
Ashlyn puts her pack on. “So, we ready to see things?”   
  
Malak nods and Ali lifts her up to get through the initial crowds. The little girl’s eyes widen as she finally sees the elephant in the rotunda. Ashlyn and Ali smile, knowing this is just the first of many things that will amaze their daughter. They have a wonderful time looking at all the creatures on the first floor and the jewels on the upper level. (Yep, Malak really is a little princess!) And even have fun morphing their faces onto ancient man in one of the interactive displays. It is a wonderful day for all 3 of them.

* * *

 

On Tuesday, Ashlyn leaves the office at 4 for the 10 minute drive to her newest shrink’s office. Recommended by a doctor Jamie knew, her friend is sure Ash will click with this woman. When the soldier walks into the lobby of the office, she grins. A painted surfboard hangs on one wall; the scene an idyllic beach in paradise. Another wall holds the woman’s certifications, including her degree from Duke. Ashlyn lifts a brow  
  
“ _Hopefully the board makes up for the Blue Devil in her_ ,” she thinks to herself with a grin. She walks up to the receptionist. “Hi, I’m Captain Harris. I have a 4:30 with Dr. Westfallen.”  
  
The woman smiles and hands Ash a clipboard. “Hi. Just fill this out for us and she’ll be right out when her current patient is done.”   
  
Ashlyn nods and sits down. She fills in all the pertinent information, including the fact that they will be paying out of pocket for treatment. When she finishes, she stands and hands it over to the receptionist then takes a seat and starts to flip through a magazine, more to have something to do with her fidgety hands than to actually read. When the office door opens, she glances up and sees a gorgeous, tall brunette step out ahead of a beautiful redhead. The redhead offers her hand.   
  
“You’re doing great, Emily. Pretty soon you won’t even need me.”   
  
The brunette chuckles. “I doubt Jennifer would agree with that but thanks, Doc.”   
  
The brunette leaves and the doctor steps to Ashlyn, offering her hand. “You must be Captain Harris.”   
  
Ashlyn stands and shakes her hand. “Yes, ma’am.”  
  
“I was warned I’d have to make sure my art doesn’t disappear when you leave,” she jokes, nodding towards the surfboard.   
  
Ashlyn grins. “Uh, can I plead the Fifth on that?”   
  
The two chuckle and walk into the woman’s office. Ash takes a seat on the couch and glances around at the knickknacks, books and pictures on the wall. Dr. Lara Westfallen just lets her familiarize herself with the office. She sees a relaxing in the woman’s face, showing she feels safe and comfortable in this office. Westfallen takes a seat and smiles.   
  
“So, I will admit up front that I am familiar with what happened to you in Iraq, Captain. I read the articles in the paper and saw the news reports and prayed you were getting the help you need to get past the trauma. I feel that full disclosure of that is important.”   
  
Ashlyn nods. “Thank you. It helps, actually. The other docs made it like they didn’t know but I could see in their eyes they did and just wanted my version of events.”   
  
Westfallen sighs. “I’m sorry they did that. Dishonesty will not help me get you to open up. I need you to trust me for me to help you.”   
  
Ashlyn sighs and sits back, relaxing more. “Thank you. So, uh, where do we start?”  
  
“I’ll ask a few questions to get to know you and we’ll go from there, okay?” Ashlyn nods. “Good. So question one: how bad are your nightmares?”   
  
Ashlyn stares down at her hands, twirling her wedding ring. “When they come, they are usually pretty bad. Sometimes Alex, my wife, can talk me down. Sometimes I have to get up and just...just let them work out in my head a bit. Sometimes I journal and can get back to sleep. But a lot of times I never get back to sleep. I might doze a bit, but never get back to full sleep.”   
  
“Okay. Do you ever go look in on your daughter? Does she help?”   
  
Ashlyn smiles, thinking of her girl. “Yeah, I do sometimes. She has nightmares, too, but she’s working through them with a shrink...um, psychiatrist, too,” she corrects with a blush, making Westfallen grin. “And she has a dog, too, that my best friend got her. It’s a service dog trained to help kids with PTSD. He’s been great. He’ll wake her and she’ll talk to him and really settle. And if she is anywhere she starts to get overwhelmed he helps calm her, too. She’ll even go to Texas with my wife for Olympic Qualifiers and take Kirby to help her when she’s there. We both feel better about her mental state now.”   
  
Westfallen notes that Ashlyn talks more about her daughter than herself. “Tell me about Malak.”   
  
“What about her?”   
  
“How you met her, why she meant so much to you then, what she means to you now, just anything about her that helps to center your heart,” the doc encourages.  
  
Ashlyn smiles. “We met in the hospital when I had my leg injury.” She tells Westfallen about that day. “After that she’d ask to visit me and colour me pictures and even talked to me on Skype. Well, I’d talk, she’d use her sign language and listen.”   
  
“Sounds like you both needed something the other provided,” Westfallen notes as Ashlyn nods. “One question: why didn’t you call for a nurse when she showed up?”   
  
“Uh, what?”   
  
“You had a way to call for a nurse, right?”   
  
“Um, yeah,” Ashlyn says, her brow furrowing in thought. “But it never occurred to me to do so. Weird. I mean, that should have occurred to me, right?”   
  
“I would think most people would have hit the button right away. Why did you just start to colour with her and then fall asleep with her?”   
  
Ashlyn thinks hard about that a second, then a small smile crosses her face. “Because she trusted me implicitly when I was having trouble trusting myself. She made me feel...feel...useful, I guess. Though that doesn’t feel like the right word.”   
  
“She validated you,” Westfallen supplies. “She made you feel like a protector, something that had been stolen from you in an instant.”   
  
Ashlyn slowly looks up. “Yeah...she did. I couldn’t save my major, I couldn’t protect my men, but I could protect her. I was scared my men felt I let them down but she made me feel like I could...or would one day protect them again. She started to heal that wound in my head just by snuggling into me and colouring.”  
  
“Can I guess most of your dreams, nightmares, rather, are about letting your men and your family down?”   
  
“Every damn time, Doc,” Ashlyn confirms.  
  
“Do you ever dream about your leg injury? Or your captivity and torture?”   
  
“Not the leg so much. But the torture, yes. But it’s always happening to someone I love, not to me. It’s usually like I am there just watching it happen and can’t help.” She runs a hand over her face as tears well up. “I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen...seen Alex die in front of me. Or Malak tortured to death. It’s just...I wish it was me I’d see in those dreams, not them.”  
  
“Nightmares are our minds way of fucking with us.” Ashlyn looks at the doc in surprise. “What? I can’t cuss in my own office?” Ashlyn chuckles. “Any way, that said, what do you do when you wake?”   
  
“If it’s Alex, I check her, touch her, make sure she’s safe. Same with Malak I just remind myself we are in the States, the bastard that hurt me is dead and can’t hurt them, and then try to figure out what I can do the rest of that night. You know, can I sleep or not or do I journal or something,” she explains.  
  
Westfallen nods. “That’s all very healthy, Ashlyn. You’re doing exactly what I would tell you to do. Now, your wife travels. What if she is gone?”   
  
Ashlyn sighs. “If it’s bad enough, I call her. If it’s not, I just remind myself she is with the team and is safe.”   
  
“So you’re not against calling her if your mind really screws with you?”   
  
“Not at all,” she confirms.   
  
Westfallen smiles. “Ashlyn, it may not seem like it, but you are recovering perfectly. Yes, it will take time and yes I can help you dig out the moments that haunt you the most and, hopefully, help you face them until they can’t hurt you, but I want you to look me in the eyes and hear what I am saying.” Ashlyn looks up at her. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Ashlyn Harris. Something bad happened to you and we’re going to help you face it. Me, your wife, your daughter and your friends. You will be okay eventually because you are strong and you have a support group that will not let you fall. Will it be hard sometimes, yes. But that’s life. You were horribly treated, Ashlyn, and we will all help you get past that horror and reclaim your nights again.”  
  
Ashlyn takes a deep breath. She feels like something has been lifted off her shoulders. She isn’t losing her mind. She isn’t hopeless. She will heal. She slowly smiles. “Thank you,” she croaks out. Westfallen smiles. “You’re welcome. Now, let’s talk some more about other ways you cope.”

When Ashlyn leaves at the end of her appointment she does have a prescription for low-dose sleeping pills should she need them but not all the other meds the one doc wanted to foist off on her. And she knows she has found the right doctor to help her beat back the demons trying to take over her mind.

 


	4. Chapter 4

The Krieger-Harris’ are checked in and walking towards the security gates. Malak has Kirby on a lead and her mothers are watching her carefully as they get closer to the gates. They notice Kirby getting closer to her until he is actually leaning against her as they walk. The women exchange a look: Malak’s emotions are starting to rise. Just before they get to the machines, Ashlyn kneels down.

“Just remember, Mal Bear: we’re only Muggles so we don’t have magic doorways, okay?”

Malak nods, but her eyes are still full of worry. Kirby is nuzzling her hand to calm her. Ali places their items on the conveyor belt and goes through. She turns and smiles at her daughter, dropping to a knee.

“Come on, Mallie. You can do it,” she encourages.

Malak swallows and looks up at the security guard, who just smiles and nods. She takes a deep breath and walks to the arch. She tightens her hand on Kirby’s leash...and steps through. She jumps as the alarm sounds. Her mothers had warned her that would happen due to Kirby’s lead and harness.

“Step right over here, honey,” an older TSA agent says.

Ali nods and follows Malak as close as she can. The woman wands child and dog and smiles.

“All clear. Only metal is your little friend’s leash,” the agents says. “You can go to your Mommy now.”

“Thank you,” Malak says quietly and goes to Ali to get her shoes put back on.

Ali puts her on a bench and gives her a big hug and kiss. “You did so good, Malak. I’m very proud of you.”

“Kirby helped, Mommy.”

Ali smiles and pats him on the head. “I’m proud of him, too.”

Ashlyn catches up to them. Ali glances up.

“What took you so long?”

Ashlyn blushes. “Out of habit I picked up my pocket knife this morning.”

Ali laughs. “Great, honey. It will do wonders for your military career to end up on the ‘No Fly’ list.”

Ashlyn just laughs and slips her boots back on. “At least they let me keep it.”

Ali’s eyes widen. “Seriously?”

Ash shrugs. “Being a war hero all over the news in this area helps, I guess,” she explains.

“True. But maybe leave it in your checked bag for the trip back, okay?”

Ashlyn smiles and picks up her hanging bag. “Right. But frisk me at the hotel to make sure I don’t forget, okay?”

Ali chuckles. “You just want me to frisk you,” she says quietly.

Ashlyn wiggles her eyebrows and smirks.

* * *

 

The trip to Iowa is uneventful. Kirby sleeps in Malak’s lap nearly the entire way and the little girl watches movies with her Mommy. Ashlyn works on some things for work, stealing glances at the trio beside her when she can and loving what she sees.

When they arrive, they make their way to baggage claim to get their shared suitcase and the instrument-case looking protective carrier for Ashlyn’s ceremonial sword...which doesn’t appear. Ashlyn is furious. She walks over to the opening where the other luggage had come through and eases back a flap.

“HEY! WE’RE MISSING SOMETHING!” she yells.

A few minutes later a man walks up. “What’s wrong?”

“There was a black case, kinda looked like a saxophone case. It didn’t come through. Where is it?”

The man checks around and shrugs. “Don’t see it. Got the claim ticket?”

Ashlyn hands over her ticket with the barcodes for the luggage on them. He scans both then frowns.

“Uh, just a second.” He pulls up out a walkie-talkie. “Hey, Simmons, we’ve got a problem. Looks like something didn’t get loaded out of Reagan National.”

“SAY WHAT?!” Ashlyn screams.

“On my way,” the radio squawks.

“He’ll be right out, ma’am.”

Ashlyn paces in irritation as Ali and Malak go to get a drink...mostly in case cussing ensues. A man walks up to Ashlyn 10 minutes later.

“Ms. Harris?”

“It’s Captain Harris, of the US Army,” she corrects. “Where’s my sword?”

“I’ve already made a call. It was set aside so it wouldn’t get damaged by other luggage and then they forgot to load it. I have it on its way via another airline so it will be here in a few hours. A guy I know very well is going to make sure it is loaded. If I can just get the address where you will be staying I will deliver it personally tonight.”

Ashlyn takes a deep breath and calms down. The man is going out of his way to correct the mistake made by his airline. She smiles and offers her hand. “Thank you. I’m sorry I was so short with you. The mistake wasn’t made on your end but you’re really going above and beyond to correct it. I appreciate it.”

He smiles and nods. She gives him the address of the hotel then goes off to find her family.

“All good?” Ali asks when she sees her wife.

“As good as it can be. It’s on another flight and the man in charge of luggage for our airline will personally bring it to me tonight.”

“Good. Makes me sick to think of it missing or something.”

“Me, too. That sword cut my wedding cake. It will always be very special to me,” she says smiling and kissing Ali’s temple.

The group makes their way out to the rental car pick-up and are soon on their way to the hotel. As they walk in, Andrews sees them and smiles

“CAP!”

Ashlyn smiles and greets her Staff Sergeant with a hug. “Hey, Sarge. Ready for the big day?”

He smiles. “Definitely. I mean, I’m a little nervous but I love her so much I know I’ll be fine.” He pauses. “Uh, right?”

Ash grins. “Definitely. Those nerves will go away when you see her in her dress coming down the aisle towards you. You just have to remember to breathe.”

He grins. “My brother promised to remind me,” he says of his best man.

“Good.”

“Well, you all get settled. We have a shuttle leaving at 5:30 for the rehearsal at the church,” he tells her then looks at Ali. “And another leaving at 6:30 for those going to the dinner.”

Ali’s eyes widen. “Oh, uh, I didn’t think Malak and I were included in that.”

“Are you kidding? Of course you are! Maxie’s family is eager to meet you and your little girl. You and Maxie were there for each other during some rough times and she talks about Mallie like she’s her own. All of our family can’t wait to meet you both.”

Ali blushes. “Then I’ll be happy to attend. Thank you.”

“So, I’m off for a quick round of golf. See you all tonight!”

They nod and go to check in and get settled. In their hotel room, Ashlyn looks at Ali. “I didn’t realize you and Maxie got so close.”

“We did. We’ve known each other the whole time you two were at Belvoir so it just made sense to talk to her more when you were both...there.”

Ashlyn smiles. “I’m glad you had each other.”

“Mama, can we watch Sin Drella?” Malak asks.

“You don’t want to go out or something?” Ashlyn asks.

“Nope. Kirby is kinda tired from the trip.”

Ashlyn and Ali both chuckle. The dog had slept the entire time. Malak had not. Ashlyn starts to hook the computer to the TV so they can watch Cinderella.

“Well, then let’s watch a movie and see if it helps him sleep,” she says.

Ali just smiles as Malak and Kirby climb up on the bed with the best view of the TV. She pulls the clothes out of the hanging bag and makes sure nothing needs ironing as she hangs them up, glad she brought an extra dress to wear that night for the rehearsal dinner and has something nice for Malak to wear. As she hangs up her wife’s dress blues, she strokes a hand over the place her medals and ribbon board will be attached the next day. She smiles with pride.

As she closes the door she looks at the bed and sees Malak cuddled up to Ashlyn, Kirby lying on the soldier’s legs and his little charge scratching his ears as she watches her favorite movie. Ali toes off her shoes and climbs onto the bed on the other side of her daughter. She kisses Malak’s head and smiles at her wife.

“Perfect way to get over a flight,” she says.

Ashlyn leans over and gives her a kiss. “Definitely.”

Soon all three humans are dozing...as Kirby continues to watch the movie.

* * *

 

That night Ashlyn walks into the wedding chapel with Sergeant (formerly Corporal) Ramirez and the other 4 soldiers performing the sabre arch at the end of the wedding. They are chatting and laughing about a couple of crazy situations that had happened in Iraq. Ashlyn’s laugh chokes off as she is enveloped in a dual bear hug.

“Um. Hi?” she says uncomfortably.

The man and woman just hold her, tears streaming down their faces. She looks at Ramirez who shrugs.

“Mom! Dad! Let Cap breathe!” Andrews says as he jogs up. He looks at Ashlyn. “Sorry, Cap. They’ve been eager to meet you and thank you for...you know...that day.”

His father eases back and stares into Ashlyn’s eyes. “I am so, so sorry for what you went through but thank you so much for saving my son,” he chokes.

Ashlyn manages to smile. “I was doing my duty, sir. As was your son. I’m just glad he made it home okay.”

Andrews’ mother leans back. “You will always be a member of this family. Always.”

“Thank you, ma’am. Your son is a great soldier. We’ve been together since we arrived at Belvoir and there is no one I trust more than him. He’s the little brother I never had.”

“And he says you’re his sister. Well, you’re my daughter now, too. And I can’t wait to meet your wife and daughter and welcome them into the Andrews clan, too,” the woman states.

“It will be an honor to consider you family. Thank you,” Ashlyn says sincerely.

Later at the rehearsal dinner, Ali and Malak are both toasted and welcomed into the family, too. Malak smiles and says thank you when Andrews’ parents give her a few presents to welcome her to Iowa and to America as a whole. The little girl has more family now than she could have ever imagined.

And her mothers are so thankful for every single person who loves their daughter unconditionally.

* * *

 

Malak turns her head. “Where Mama?” she asks not too quietly

Ali shushes her and whispers in her ear. “She and some other soldiers have a special duty they have to perform after the ceremony.”

“What?” she attempts to whisper again.

“You’ll see. Now stay quiet. The wedding is almost over,” Ali whispers.

She brings her finger to her lip, miming “silence” when Malak goes to speak again. The little girl quiets but turns again trying to figure out where her mama went. Sure the little one will remain quiet, Ali turns back towards the front of the chapel.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may seal your love with a kiss.”

Ali smiles as Andrews kisses his bride. Maxie looks beautiful and her new husband so handsome. Ali joins the others in clapping as they finish their kiss then recess down the aisle as a married couple, both with beaming smiles. Ali takes Malak’s hand as the guests start out of the church. They all gather out in the courtyard as Ashlyn and 5 other soldiers in dress blues, white gloves and bearing swords stand at the steps in front of the church entry. Malak tries to run up to her Mama but Ali lifts her up.

“Not yet. Watch.”

Malak frowns, not liking being stopped from going to Ash. A few minutes later, Ashlyn barks out the first order.

“SABRES!”

The six draw their swords, holding them at shoulder level, almost like a rifle. The pastor steps out onto the steps, opening his arms wide as he smiles at those gathered.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Staff Sergeant and Mrs. Andrews!”

He steps to the side as the happy couple step out. Ashlyn gives the next command.

“ARCH!”

The six sabres are lifted and come together to form the arch. The couple walks down the steps. As they pass the second set, Ashlyn and Sergeant Ramirez bring their swords down to stop the couple. Andrews smiles and gives his wife a kiss. People cheer

“YOU CALL THAT A KISS?” Major Nettles calls out.

Everyone laughs as Andrews shrugs. He and Maxie kiss again, this time with him dipping her. Everyone cheers louder. Ashlyn and Ramirez lift their swords. As the couple passes by, Ash brings her sword down and swats Maxie’s butt.

“Welcome to the Army, Mrs. Andrews!”

“Proud to be here, Captain Harris!” the bride replies.

As the couple moves off to get ready for a few pictures, Ashlyn calls out the next command.

“SABRES!” They bring their swords back to their shoulders. “LEFT FACE!” Which was the prearranged order for all to turn back towards the chapel. “FORWARD MARCH!” The 6 march back into the chapel, officially ending the ceremony.

Inside the entry, Ramirez smiles at Ashlyn. “So, Cap, you did that so good will you lead it at mine?”

Ashlyn smiles. “It’d be my pleasure, Ramirez. But who the hell would put up with you the rest of their life?”

Everyone laughs as the Sergeant chuckles good-naturedly. They sheath their swords and make their way back out to their families. Ash smiles as Malak races towards her. She lifts her up.

“Mama! That was COOL!”

Ashlyn smiles. “Thanks, Mal Bear.” She kisses her cheek. “You want to stick around for pictures or do you want to go ahead with Mommy to the reception?”

“We stay with you,” the little girl insists.

“Perfect.”

* * *

 

A little while later, Ashlyn is talking to the mothers of the happy couple while Ali is sitting with Maxie’s niece, who idolizes the defender.

“And then that player kicked it out and you got it and then, like, just BANGED it into the top corner to score! That was SO COOL!”

Ali chuckles. “I remember. It was pretty exciting.”

“Yeah, it was! My whole team was, like, SCREAMING! It was so awesome!”

“Well, it is definitely one of the best moments of my career,” Ali agrees.

“And do you remember when you did that slide tackle against Germany and Popp just leapt over you but you had the ball and...”

Ashlyn had glanced over and can’t help but chuckle as the little girl keeps running through highlights of Ali’s World Cup 2016. The kid seems to have an eidetic memory for anything #11 did that summer in Canada. It is adorable. The soldier glances around some more, suddenly frowning.

“Alex? Where’s Malak?”

Ali turns from her young fan and lifts the table cloth. Ashlyn is surprised to see their daughter under the table with Kirby, who had joined them for the reception. Ali drops the cloth again.

“Um, why?” the blonde asks.

“Too many people,” Ali replies.

“Oh, that poor girl,” Mrs. Andrews says.

Ashlyn nods. “Yeah, Kirby helps her with a lot of her anxiety but sometimes it is still too much for her. Loud noises can really bother her sometimes. We even got her some noise cancelling earmuffs she can wear at games and on planes if she needs to. But she’s getting better. She will be 4 soon and she has even talked about starting school next year, something she didn’t want this year.”

“I guess it helps to introduce her to events like this?” Maxie’s mother asks.

“Yes, it does. As you know, the world is pretty crowded and loud. The more we introduce her to in safe settings the better she will be at school or concerts or other places we don’t have much control,” Ashlyn explains.

“Well, I think it is wonderful that you two adopted her. Michael told me how bleak her life would have been if she had been sent back. He is completely taken by her,” Mrs. Andrews says.

Ashlyn smiles. “She adores him, too. She is lucky to have a lot of people in her life to show her love and remind her she is safe now. And always will be.”

A few minutes later, Ashlyn lifts up the table cloth and crawls under the table. Malak looks at her in confusion.

“Why you here?”

“Well, I figure if you’re down here this must be where the party is,” Ashlyn explains.

Malak chuckles. “No, Mama. Just me and Kirby.”

“Oh. Well, if the party is out there, how would you like to go out there with me and dance?”

“Dance?”

“Yeah, like you do with Aunt Crystal. Maybe you can even teach me a few moves.”

Malak thinks a second. She then lifts the bottom of the table cloth and looks out. She sighs and sits back. “Lotta people, Mama,” she whispers.

“I know. But I can hold you in my arms so you can see everyone. And, Mal Bear, you know I will not let anyone hurt you. Neither will Mommy. And so many people here think you are so cute and love you so much. You’re safe here, sweetheart. I promise.”

Malak strokes Kirby’s ear a moment. She then takes a deep breath. “Okay. Just one dance.”

Ashlyn smiles. “Perfect.”

They slide out from under the table and hand Kirby’s lead to Ali, who is surprised her daughter came out. Ash gives her wife a wink then stands, Malak in her arms, and moves to the dance floor. Ali watches, her smile bright, as her two loves dance and laugh through a couple of songs. They start back to the table, detouring to the drink table to pick up two glasses of punch. They go back and sit beside Ali.

“Your fan tire of you?” Ashlyn teases.

“Her mother called her away. She is amazing! She remembers more about my playing than I do! I promised her a signed jersey.”

“You’re awesome,” Ashlyn says, kissing her cheek.

“Mommy? You wanna dance with me?” Malak asks.

Ali grins and stands. “I’d love to!”

She offers her hand to Malak who hops off her Mama’s lap and grabs Ali, practically dragging her to the dance floor. Ashlyn smiles, so happy to see her daughter calm and happy even in the midst of a large crowd. She reaches down and pats Kirby on the head.

“Thanks for calming her down, Kirb. We owe you a bone or two.”

The dog just lies down, his eyes following his young mistress in case she should need him again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late postings. Got home from work and our water well had burst a pipe. Wife and I tried to fix it. No go. So then had to go to a friends to shower and still no water here so no coffee in the morning. Ugh. AR will be a most grumpy bard tomorrow. 
> 
> Anyhooooo, here's the next 2 chapters. Enjoy!

Dr. Westfallen smiles as Ashlyn sits down on the couch. “So, how was the wedding?”

Ash smiles. “It was wonderful. Malak was a bit overwhelmed at first at the reception but she spent time under the table with Kirby and then went out to dance with me. I, like, held her in my arms and she was okay after a few minutes. She even went back out to dance with Alex. She had a great time!”

“That’s wonderful. I can tell helping your daughter feel safe is of utmost importance to you.”

Ashlyn nods. “It is. I want to be her protector, not just her mother. I want to show her the world isn’t all bad and scary. Any time I succeed at that I am damn proud of myself.”

“And well you should be,” the doctor confirms. “Now, what about you. You had mentioned having some concerns and you weren’t sure why. Did you figure it out?”

Ashlyn slowly nods. “Yeah. Right after we got to the rehearsal. See, Andrews comes from a real tight family. He is always talking about his parents and his brothers and it’s like a storybook. Way different than how I grew up. I am his c.o. He earned 2 Purple Hearts under me; one in Iraq, one in Cambodia.” She pauses, not sure how to put it all into words.

“You thought they would blame you for his injuries; hate you for them,” Westfallen surmises.

Ashlyn is playing with her wedding ring again. “Yeah,” she answers quietly.

“What happened, Ashlyn?”

Ashlyn swallows hard. “At the rehearsal that night, his mother pulled me into a hug. His dad joined in. They thanked me for saving his life. That’s all they cared about. He’d made it home and that is what mattered, not the medals he earned for getting hurt under my command. They even told everyone that Alex, Malak and I are part of their family now.” She glances up. “Isn’t that kinda fucked? Shouldn’t they hate me or something?”

“Why would they?”

“Because he got hurt under my command,” Ashlyn reiterates.

“Ashlyn, he got hurt because he joined the Army and was doing his job. Regardless of who his commander is, the argument would be made it could have happened anyway. What they know for sure is you gave your body and nearly your life to let him escape rioting insurgents.” She sees Ashlyn frown as she considers that. “Ashlyn, talk to me about that day.”

Ashlyn shivers. “I...I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?” Westfallen presses.

Ashlyn runs a hand over her face. “Both, I guess.”

“If it is ‘can’t’ because the official final report isn’t out yet, I’ll remind you everything in here is just between you and me. Complete confidentiality and I won’t even write down what you tell me if that will settle your mind. But as to ‘won’t’ I have to ask why. Everything that happened to you that day and in the days that followed are what are bringing you here; those are the events that are making you question yourself as a soldier and as a protector of your daughter. We’ll need to address them eventually, Ashlyn, or you will not get better.”

Ashlyn feels a tear slide down her cheek. “I just...can’t today. I can’t go there yet,” she whispers.

“Then it is for another day,” the doctor says sympathetically. “We’ll only go where you want to. What other things are coming back to you in nightmares?”

Ashlyn sighs and sits back on the couch, for the first time not looking like she is about to bolt out the door. “So much shit. Kids dying, families wailing as they look for lost loved ones, finding bodies, it’s all there. The worst are the accusations that taint the memories.”

“What accusations?”

Ashlyn shrugs. “That we got there too late, we should have searched someplace sooner, we didn’t try hard enough, shit like that. Even the dead look at me like...like I failed them. Most times I’ll look down and I’ll be covered in blood. And no matter what I do they are all just...just dead.”

“You’re not a doctor or medic, Ashlyn. You couldn’t heal them. You’re not the colonel, so you couldn’t order in help sooner. You follow chain of command because that is what is expected of you. You can’t blame yourself for any delays or for going to the wrong place.”

“When I’m awake, I know. But asleep...asleep the zombies attack, you know?”

Westfallen gives her a kind smile. “I know. So, let’s work on some things that can help you even as you sleep. Willing to give some new things a try?”

“If they will get me a decent night’s sleep, hell yeah, Doc. Let’s do it.”

Westfallen smiles. “Good. Close your eyes...”

By the time her appointment ends, Ashlyn feels like she may finally get a peaceful nights’ sleep for the first time in she doesn’t even know how long if the methods work. She sits behind the wheel of her Jeep a moment in the parking lot and thinks about the measures Westfallen had taught her to take when the nightmares start their unrelenting mental assault. She hates the fact that she doesn’t completely believe they will work.

“You have to believe, Ashlyn. For your wife and daughter you have to believe,” she tells herself, but her little voice of doubt is too loud. She smacks her forehead. “Damn you. Time...Doc says this will take time. You just better hope you get your head on straight before you lose your mind completely.”

* * *

 

Ashlyn kisses her daughter on the head as she sits down for dinner. “Spaghetti! My favorite!”

Malak laughs. “I thought hamburgers were your favorite,” she challenges.

“They were last night because that is what Mommy made. Now tonight she made spaghetti so it is my favorite tonight,” Ash explains as Ali grins.

Malak giggles. “You silly.”

Ashlyn winks. “Just trying to keep Mommy happy so she makes lots of good food so I have leftovers to eat when you all go to Texas for Qualifiers.”

Malak’s smile falls. “Why you no go?”

“Well, I can’t go at first because of work but I will meet you all in Houston for the CHAMPIONSHIP!” she finishes with a big, announcer-style voice.

Malak giggles. “Promise?”

“Promise! Now you just gotta make sure Mommy plays real good and makes it to Houston or I’ll be there all alone.”

“I make her good. Promise, Mama.”

“I knew I could count on you,” she says, ruffling Malak’s hair. Ash gives her wife a wink. “I’ll be watching the stream each game until I meet up with you guys. Feel free to score for me.”

Ali chuckles as she puts the bowl of spaghetti on the table and sits down. “I’ll do my best.”

Ashlyn grabs the serving fork and her daughter’s bowl and fills it up. “So, forking it or spooning it, Mal Bear?”

Malak thinks a second, worrying her bottom lip like Ali does. “Fork first. Then spoon.”

Ashlyn grins. “Okay. Good luck.”

She serves her wife then herself. Malak watches as both of her mother’s twirl their forks and get a bite to eat. She tries to copy them but ends up spinning more out the side of the bowl. She tries three times then sighs in frustration.

“I guess spoon, Mama.”

Ashlyn takes the bowl and starts to cut up the pasta. Ali pats her daughter on the hand.

“It takes a lot of time to perfect the twirl. I don’t think I could do until I was like 10 or 11.”

Malak’s eyes widen. “Really?”

Ali nods. “Really. It’s tough. But I bet you get it sooner than I do.”

“I hope so. Otherwise I’ll starve if you and Mama not here to cut it up.”

Ali and Ashlyn both chuckle, wondering why in the world Malak would even be considering such a scenario.

“You know, Mal Bear, if we somehow are both gone, whoever is staying with you will cut up your spaghetti,” Ashlyn assures her.

“You sure?”

“Do you really think Grandpa Ken or Grandma Vicki would let you starve? Or Uncle Cody or Uncle Tanner? Or Tiffany?”

Malak considers this a moment. “No, I guess not. Them love me.”

Ashlyn smiles. “They sure do, Mal Bear. They sure do.”

Ashlyn looks at her wife, who is beaming at their daughter. Nope, never in her wildest dreams had Ashlyn imagined a more content and happy dinner.

* * *

 

“And then when we get back I get my arm sug-ry?” Malak confirms.

“Um, not right then,” Ashly tells her, as she packs the little girl’s suitcase. “After that Mommy has the super special She Believes Cup. And guess what?”

“What?”

“One of the games will be in Florida right near Grandma Tammye and Great Grandma! Won’t that be cool?”

“And Unca Chris?”

“Yep, him, too. And both Grandpa’s down that way. Grandma Deb Deb might be able to be there, too.”

“COOL! You go, too?”

Ashlyn turns and sits down on the bed. “I sure wish I could. But I will have to work.”

“Do I get to go?”

Ashlyn studies her daughter a moment. Her therapy had helped the last week. Ali had helped, too. But her true test will be whether or not she can handle being alone this next week without someone close by when the demons in her mind come out. She sighs.

“Yeah, I think you do unless you catch a cold or decide you don’t like hanging with Aunt Crystal and Toby and Squirrel and Hope and- -”

Malak runs over and climbs into her mother’s lap. “NO! No, Mama, I love them! I hang with them! Promise!”

Ashlyn smiles and pulls her into a hug. “Well, if you’re sure, then as long as you don’t get sick or something I think you’ll be having fun at those 3 games.”

Malak hugs her mama. “COOL!”

Ashlyn kisses her temple. “Very cool. Now, let’s finish packing your suitcase.”

“Don’t forget mine Princess Ali jerseys!”

“Never! Let’s put those in right now to be safe.”

Malak runs to the drawers that hold her mother’s jerseys. She grabs out the home and away USWNT jersey’s as well as both Spirit jerseys. Ashlyn smiles and puts all 4 into the suitcase. They pack a few more things then Ashlyn zips it up and carries it down to the foyer as Malak races into her mother’s room.

“Mommy! Me all set!”

Ali smiles as she finishes packing her dressier outfits. “You are? Did Mama remember to pack a couple nice outfits for you?”

“Ah huh. My pretty pink dress and my slacks and brazer.”

Ali chuckles. “Blazer, honey.”

“Right. That.” She thinks a second. “Did you pack Kirby’s bag yet?”

Ali grins. “I’ve got his bag all ready to go. We’ll just need to buy some more dog food when we get to Texas.”

Malak frowns. “What if they don’t have what him likes?”

“They will, sweetheart. I promise.”

“Um’kay. But if not he gonna be mad.”

“I’ll risk it,” Ali says with a grin. She closes her bag and zips it up. “There. All done.”

“Aunt Crystal coming tonight?”

“Not this time, kiddo. She’ll meet us at the airport in Texas. Mama is taking us this time.”

“Oh.” She sighs. “Guess I don’t get no dance party.”

Ali looks at her and smiles. “What? A dance party? I could do a dance party!” She grabs the remote for her stereo and turns on the CD player. “Let’s go!”

Malak smiles and the two start to dance to the music that comes on. When Ashlyn comes upstairs to get her wife’s bag she can’t help but watch and smile a moment. She grabs Ali’s gear bag and suitcase and carries them downstairs. She goes back up and is soon pulled into the dance party, too, which lasts until it is time for Malak to go to bed so she can be rested for the trip the next day.

* * *

 

Saturday morning, Ali is getting Malak out of the car as Ashlyn gets all the bags from the trunk. She loads them onto a cart and smiles as Malak runs over. She stoops down and helps her daughter put on her backpack and then places her owl in her left arm and hands her the lead for Kirby.

“There, you’re all set. You’ll give Aunt Crystal a big hug and kiss for me?”

“Yeah, Mama.”

“Good. I knew I could count on you.” She pulls her into a hug and kisses her temple. “I love you so much, Malak.”

“I love you, too, Mama. I see you soon, right?”

Ashlyn smiles, closing her eyes to stop her tears. “Soon, little one. Soon.” She kisses her again then stands and pulls her wife into a hug. “You two be safe.”

“Always. I don’t care the time, call me if you need me,” Ali orders.

“I will. I promise. I love you, Alex. So much.”

“I love you, too.”

They share a quick kiss, then Ashlyn steps back. “It’s chilly. You two better head on inside.”

“I’ll call you when we get to the hotel.”

“Perfect. Love you both.”

“Love you, too. Come on, Mallie,” Ali says.

Ali has Malak and Kirby walk ahead of the cart as she pushes it into the airport. Ashlyn stands on the curb, watching, until a security guard tells her she has to move Ali’s Beamer. With a sigh, she gets in and starts the long drive home. When she walks in she hangs her wife’s keys on their hook and stares at the house.

“Feels so damn big,” she mumbles. “And lonely.”

Whit, since she’d been left off the roster for Qualifiers, was coming up the following weekend. Ashlyn sighs.

“Six long fucking days with nothing here but my demons. Fucking great,” she mutters and goes to figure out what she can do to pass the time until Monday when she will at least have work as a distraction.

* * *

 

The third time Ali catches the woman across the aisle sneering at Malak and Kirby, the defender decides to address the issue.

“Can I help you, ma’am?” she asks with sugary sweetness laced with cyanide.

“No. I’m fine,” the woman insists, looking down her nose at Ali.

“Are you sure? Because you keep glaring at my daughter and her service dog.”

The woman frowns. “Service dog? She’s not blind.”

“Not all dogs are for blindness. Kirby helps Malak with her PTSD related issues.”

The woman’s face softens a bit. “PTSD? At her age?”

Ali glances at her daughter, who is napping. She runs a hand through her hair before turning back to the woman. “She watched her home get destroyed by a missile. Her whole family was killed and she, as you can see, was terribly injured.”

“Oh. I’m...sorry. I guess...” She stops and takes a deep breath. “I rushed to judgement about a spoiled child too young for first class allowed to bring her pet. I apologize. Considering what she has seen she should get at least first class the rest of her life.”

Ali smiles. “I agree. And I’ll do my best to arrange that for her.”

Almost as if she knew she was the topic of conversation, Malak stretches and slowly opens her eyes. She smiles up at Ali.

“Hi, Mommy.”

Ali beams at her. “Hey, sweet girl. Did you have a good nap?”

“Ah huh. Me and Kirby was tired.”

“I saw that. Want anything to drink?”

“Apple juice?”

Ali nods and rings for the flight attendant. “Apple juice it is.”

“How can I help you, Mrs. Krieger-Harris?” the attendant asks.

“Malak, can you ask?”

Malak nods. “Can I have a apple juice, please?”

The attendant smiles. “Of course, sweetie. Coming right up.”

As the attendant walks away, Ali’s new friend smiles. “She’s adorable. And wonderful manners.”

Ali nods. “I agree on both counts. Of course I’m probably slightly biased.”

The woman chuckles. “No bias needed.”

“Mommy? When we gonna see Aunt Crystal?”

“We’ll meet her at baggage claim, Mallie.”

“Um’kay.”

The flight attendant walks up and Ali puts down Malak’s tray table. “Here you go, Miss Krieger-Harris.”

“Thank you,” Malak says sweetly as she lifts her drink.

Ali glances up and sees a shocked look on her new companion’s face. “Uh, you okay?”

“Krieger-Harris,” she says softly. “I just realized who you are and why you look familiar.” She glances at Malak. “And that little girl...she’s the one your wife met in Iraq, yes?”

Ali’s face flushes. “Yes. They met last spring when they were both in the hospital in Baghdad.”

“Well, bless all three of you for what you have been through. I hope your wife is doing better.”

Ali smiles. “She is, thank you. Both of my girls are doing just fine as they continue to heal.”

“And may they continue to do so.”

Ali smiles her thanks as the captain comes over the speakers to announce that they are preparing for approach in to DFW. Malak claps her hands.

“I gonna see Aunt Crystal and Toby and Squirrel and all ’em soon!”

Ali chuckles. “You sure are. They are pretty excited, too. Let’s get things settled so we can get off with no problems, okay. You have Owl?”

“Ah huh and Kirby, too.”

Ali grins. “Okay. You get Owl and Kirby. I’ll get our bags.”

“Um’kay, Mommy.”

Malak turns away to stare out the window as the plane starts to make the turns needed to line it up with the runway at DFW.

* * *

 

Ashlyn pushes Malak’s dresser up against her bed in the center of the bedroom and lets out a sigh of relief.

“Done.”

She grabs a couple of drop cloths and completely covers all of her daughter’s furniture. She then spreads some more along the floors and starts the tedious task of taping along the edge of the trim. She’d paint the walls first and then the trim she could do throughout the week if needed.

Who is she kidding? She is so wired she will finish walls and trim before quitting. If all goes well, she will exhaust herself and sleep sooner than Sunday night.

“And hopefully sleep without dreams,” she mutters as she continues taping along the trim.

* * *

 

“AUNT CRYSTAL!” Malak screams when she sees her favorite Spirit player.

“My dancing queen!” Crystal squeals, slightly softer than the little girl.

Ali just laughs at both of them as Crystal starts a song playing on her phone and the two start a dance off with Kirby bouncing happily around them.

“Children, calm down. We’re not the only ones at the airport,” Ali cautions them.

She drops her and Malak’s carry-ons on the cart Crystal had already secured and leaves her daughter in good hands as she heads to the baggage carousel to get her and Malak’s three bags. She is wondering what her wife is up to when she sees her USWNT bag on its way around. She steps forward to grab it...but another hand intercepts it.

“HEY! DROP IT!” she calls out, spinning towards the thief.

“Damn, help a girl out and get your head bitten off. Ouch,” Kelley jokes.

Ali smiles and shrugs. “Thought you were a thief. Was about to call for security.”

Kelley laughs. “Glad you held off, Kriegs. I don’t know if Jill would approve of me missing the meeting tonight because I’m trying to make bail.”

The two laugh and turn back to the belt. Soon, Ali is pulling off her regular suitcase and Malak’s. She and KO pull them over to leave with Crystal as they go to the claim area for Kelley’s flight.

“So, how’s Ash doing? All healed and stuff?”

“Mostly. Still hasn’t been cleared back to the field because of her face plates but she’s doing a lot better overall. No more horrible bruises or scabs. Now it’s just...her mind,” she finishes softly.

“Damn. Well, if she needs anything, or you do, I’m just a call away. You know that right?”

Ali smiles and gives her a side hug. “I know. You don’t know how much you all mean to me and my family.”

“We have an idea,” Kelley says with a grin.

The two chuckle and wait for Kelley’s two bags to make it around to them. Soon the four are catching the shuttle to the hotel to check in and get settled before the team meeting that night. Malak is THRILLED when she finds out the Krieger-Harris room adjoins to Crystal and Tobin’s room. The little girl couldn’t have asked for better placement. Ali sees a lot of dancing and juggling in her future. But the smile on her daughter’s face negates any worry she might have about those activities.

“We call Mama now?” Malak asks as Ali starts to unpack.

Ali nods. “We can.” She pulls out her phone and hits Ash’s number, handing it to her daughter.

“Hey, baby,” Ashlyn answers.

“Hi, Mama! We rooming with Toby and Aunt Crystal!” Malak says excitedly as Ali chuckles.

“You are? You are SO lucky!” Ashlyn gushes.

“Yeah, we is. Toby isn’t here yet but me and Aunt Crystal danced in the airport while Mommy and Squirrel gots our stuff.”

“Well, that sounds like it was a lot of fun.”

“It was! What you do, Mama?”

“Well, I am working on a bit of a surprise for you. But it’s a secret so I can only tell Kirby.”

Malak’s bottom lip pouts out. She groans. “But I wanna know, Mama!”

Ashlyn chuckles. They’d had to get a room ready for Malak so quickly they had never painted or decorated for her. She thinks a second.

“Well, I can give you a hint.”

“Um’kay.”

“What is your favourite colour?”

“PINK!” she squeals in excitement.

“So what do you think I’m doing that would be pink?”

Malak thinks a second. “Making you hair pink?”

Ali bursts out laughing. “I’d pay to see that with your ACU’s, Captain!”

Ashlyn chuckles. “Nope, not my hair.”

“Ummmmm,” Malak thinks. “I don’t know, Mama.”

“I bet I know,” Ali says.

“What, Mommy?”

“I bet Mama is painting your room for you.”

“And give Mommy the prize,” Ashlyn calls out of the phone.

“PINK! MY ROOM GONNA BE PINK? YES, MAMA, YES!” Malak leaps up and down.

Ali has to sit on the bed she is laughing so hard at the little girl’s excitement.

“Yep, your room will have pink walls and some beautiful Carolina Blue trim.”

Ali’s smile drops. “Uh, what colour trim?”

“Carolina Blue. The prettiest blue ever, right, Mal Bear?”

“Right, Mama!” Malak agrees.

Ali starts to chuckle. “You two are dangerous. I thought we agreed on that light green colour.”

“Eh, I looked. Caroline Blue looked MUCH better,” Ashlyn assures her. “I even texted HAO, Whit, Kling, Crystal, Chups, and Tobin to get their opinions. They all agreed with me.”

Ali rolls her eyes. “Go figure your Tar Heel buddies agreed with you. Sneaky, woman.”

“I try,” Ashlyn chuckles. “And when you get back, maybe we can find some cool princess pictures to put on the wall along with your soccer pictures.”

“Um’kay, Mama! Me and Kirby is real excited to see it!”

“Well, when it’s done I’ll send you a picture, okay?” Ashlyn promises.

“Okay! Thanks, Mama! I love you.”

“I love you, too, Mal Bear. So, did you get through airport security okay?”

“Yeah. Kirby and Mommy both a’minded me that we’s just Muggles so we don’t got doors what eat people,” she explains.

Ashlyn’s heart about bursts at that explanation. Could anything be cuter? “That’s great. You’ll be an old pro at plane travel in no time.”

“Ah huh, I will.”

The trio talks for a little while longer then Ali notes it is nap time before the afternoon team meeting.

“Well, I think I’ll paint a little longer so I can finish the walls today and do that Carolina Blue trim tomorrow.”

Ali groans. “You’ll never say just blue, will you? You’ll always stress it’s Carolina Blue.”

“Yeeee-ep!” Ashlyn agrees, chuckling. Malak just giggles.

“Ugh. You two are incorrigible. But I love you both so I guess I’ll put up with you.”

“I love you, too, Alex. And I love you, Mal Bear.”

“Love you, Mama. And Kirby says him loves you, too.”

“Love you, too, Kirbs. Thanks for taking care of our girl.”

“Him says you’re welcome,” Malak assures her mother.

Ali grins. “Take care, Ash. We’ll call you tonight at bedtime.”

“Sounds perfect. Say hi to the gals for me. Love you all so much.”

“Love you, too, baby. Bye for now.”

“Bye, Mama!”

“Bye, Mallie.”

Ali disconnects the call and looks at her daughter. “So, nap time?”

Malak nods. “I want to be awake to play with Toby tonight at dinner.”

Ali grins. “Good idea.” She pats the bed. “Hop up.”

She gets her daughter’s shoes off and helps her into some pajamas. She slips into shorts and a tee and curls up in bed with her little girl and, of course, Kirby. Ali stokes Malak’s hair and sings to her until the little one is asleep. She pats Kirby on the head and soon follows her girl into sleep.

* * *

 

Ashlyn sits on the floor in the middle of her daughter’s room. She stares at the pink walls, all but one complete.

But that’s not what she sees.

No, right now Ashlyn is stuck in a flashback. A static shock that barely would have registered to her months ago has sent her back into a grey basement, her body writhing on the floor as electricity courses through her. She hears the laughter of the men holding her captive, one pointing out that she is peeing her pants. Again. She smells flesh burning and knows it is the wand searing into the skin of her thigh.

She screams, unable to get away from the pain. The laughter increases. As the electricity stops suddenly, the laughter is replaced by the sound of the Olympic anthem. She frowns, wondering where the hell it is coming from. And then it dies away. It starts again a few seconds later. And then again fades away. Then she hears a distant ringing sound.

“The house phone,” she mumbles. “That’s the house phone because...because I...I didn’t answer...Alex...”

Slowly the grey fades away, suddenly replaced by life affirming pink. She swallows hard and glances around.

“Safe. You’re home safe, Ashlyn,” she tells herself.

She stands, watching her hands shake as she closes the pink paint can. She goes into the bathroom and washes her hand before grabbing her phone and hitting redial for her wife.

“Ash! Baby, you okay? I’ve been calling for 20 minutes,” Ali says worriedly.

Ashlyn swallows hard. “Yeah. Was showering. Sorry.”

Ali pauses. Her wife is lying. “Ashlyn...”

Ashlyn sighs. “I had...a flashback. The calls...the phones ringing brought me back,” she admits quietly.

“Baby, what spurred it?”

Ashlyn runs a hand through her hair. “It’s dumb. Guess I built up a charge. I touched the paint can and got a shock. Next thing I know I was...in that basement again.”

Ali pinches the bridge of her nose. “Oh, Ashlyn...I’m so sorry I’m not there.”

“Stop, Alex. You have a tournament to win. We know things like this will happen as I get...better. It’s not your fault,” Ashlyn assures her.

“And if the situation were reversed?”

Ashlyn stares up at the ceiling. “I’d...I’d tell you to get over it and stop bugging me so I can win my games and qualify for the Olympics. Then I’d call you a silly little princess.”

Ali can’t help but chuckle. “Jerk. Are you going to be okay?”

“Let’s just say I have a few things to write down in my journal for my next appointment with Dr. Westfallen. But, for the most part, I’ll be okay. Like the doc says, I gotta remember it to work through it. Right?” she asks, as if needing the confirmation.

“I wish there was another way but I fear you’re right. Promise me you’ll call Dad or Lori if you need to. Please?”

“You know I will, sweetheart. I promise. I know I can’t get through this shit alone.”

“Good. Now, there’s a pretty tired little nutmegger here who wants to say goodnight to you.”

Ashlyn smiles. “And I want to say goodnight to her.”

“Hi, Mama! I danced with Aunt Crystal and Toby teached me a trick with the ball!” Malak says with excitement.

Ashlyn can’t help but chuckle. This does not sound like a little girl who is tired and ready for bed. “Sounds like you have had a great day! I can’t wait to see your new trick.”

“I show you soon but not in the house a’cause Mommy say it for outside only.”

Ashlyn grins. “And Mommy is always right.”

“Ah huh, she is,” Malak agrees.

“So, what are you doing tomorrow?”

“Um...I don’t know. I guess more stuffs with the team,” she answers.

“Well, you make sure they practice hard. I don’t want to show up in Houston while you two are back here watching the game on TV.”

“Um’kay!”

“So, are you all ready for bed?”

“Ah huh.”

“So, I bet that means you are up for a story, right?”

“Yeah! Me and Kirby are all ready, Mama.”

“Good. Snuggle in and let me tell you the tale of Malak the ballerina and her faithful dancing puppy Kirby.”

Malak giggles. Ashlyn pauses as she thinks she hears other chuckles. She then figures it is probably Ali so she launches into the story of the little dancing girl who saves her village from the mean tax collector.

“That was awesome, Mama!” Malak praises her.

“Yeah! I like Ashlyn, the brave shopkeeper the best!” JJ chimes in.

“Oh, I don’t know. I think my favorite was Ali the be-yooooo-tiful maiden,” Tobin pipes in.

“I like when the brave shopkeeper falls in the mud puddle and the puppy dances on her head,” Kelley adds.

“Or when the shopkeeper asked the beautiful Ali to dance and didn’t trip over her own feet,” Crystal notes.

Ashlyn laughs. “I thought I heard more than my daughter at the start of that story. Glad I could keep you all entertained.”

“You certainly did,” Crystal praises her.

“So is it bedtime for all your friends there, Mal Bear?”

“Yeah, Mama. They gotta practice good tomorrow so Coach Jill telled me to make sure they get to bed early.”

“And so she invited us for a bedtime story and lullaby,” Hope explains.

“Uh, wait...so is the whole team there?”

“Yep!” Ali confirms as laughter rings out in the room

Ashlyn starts to laugh. “You guys are a trip. Maybe tomorrow’s story will have a few guest stars.”

“Cool! I want to be an archer!” Carli calls out.

“An archer? Why?” Ashlyn asks with a chuckle.

“Duh...’cause they’re cool,” she replies.

“Okay then. An archer it is,” Ashlyn promises. “Now you players better get to your rooms so your little mascot can get some sleep.”

There are a round of goodbyes and soon Ashlyn hears two doors close. She hears bed clothes rustling.

“So, it’s just us now, honey,” Ali says.

“So my two favorite girls and my Kirbster?”

“Yep, Mama. Just us.”

“Good. So it sounds like you had lots of fun today, Mal Bear.”

“I did. But I miss you, Mama. You come soon, right?”

Ashlyn’s heart skips a beat, wishing she could say yes. “Unfortunately, not real soon, Mallie. I am missing you and Mommy so much I wish it was sooner than it is.”

Ashlyn hears whispering. “Mommy say we gonna have good dreams about you so you feel us with you.”

“You know, I bet that will work.”

“Is my room done?”

Ashlyn sighs. It would have been if she hadn’t gotten lost in the flashback. “Almost, Squirt. Hopefully by this time tomorrow it will be pink and...”

“CAROLINA BLUE!” they finish together.

Ali groans. “You know it’s really, really okay to just say blue.”

“Nope. Blue is too general. People might think it’s light blue or sky blue or, horror of horrors, Penn State blue,” Ashlyn explains.

“EW!” Malak chimes in.

“Watch it, girly. You’re sleeping in my room tonight,” Ali threatens as she tickles her daughter.

“Ooops!” Malak says as she giggles under the tickle attack.

After a few seconds the laughter dies out. Ali kisses her little girl’s head. “Well, Big Girl, tell Mama good night. We have a long day tomorrow.”

“Um’kay. I gotta sleep now, Mama. I love you. So does Kirby.”

Ashlyn smiles. “I love you both, too. Sleep well, Mal Bear.”

“I will, Ma Bear. You, too.”

“I will talk to you tomorrow, Ash. Or, you know...if you need me...”

“I know, Alex. I promise, I know. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Night, baby.”

“Night, sweetheart.”

Ashlyn sighs and disconnects the call. She lays on the bed, staring at the ceiling. After a few minutes she gets up and goes back into her daughter’s room, popping open the paint can.

“Not gonna sleep, may as well paint,” she mumbles, resigning herself to the fact that she will need to exhaust herself to get any sleep at all that night.


	6. Chapter 6

When Ali’s alarm goes off the next morning she stretches and smiles. She hears grumbling from the next bed and knows her little princess is not happy about the early awakening. She gets up and walks over to the bed, tucking Malak back in.

“Sleep some more, little one,” she whispers. “I’m going to shower.”

She kisses Malak’s head and pats Kirby before heading into the bathroom. She grabs her phone off the dresser and sees Ashlyn had sent her some pictures. She frowns when she sees they arrived at 3:47 a.m.

“Damn, honey, avoiding sleep won’t help you,” she mumbles.

She opens the pics and smiles. Malak’s room is beautiful. Pink walls and, yes, Carolina Blue trim. It looks fantastic! She can’t wait to show their daughter.

After she showers, she gets Malak’s clothes ready for the day. She then walks over to the bed and gently shakes her girl.

“Mallie, sweetie, time to get up. We’ve got a big day ahead of us.” Malak groans and rolls over. Ali chuckles. “So much like your Mama sometimes.” She shakes her again. “Honey, time to get up. You get to spend the day hanging with the team,” she reminds her.

A single brown eye opens. “The team?”

Ali grins. “Yep. The nanny doesn’t get here until tomorrow so you’ll go to practice with us and be able to cheer us on while we run and stuff.”

A second eye opens, accompanied by a happy smile. “Groovy!”

Ali laughs and pulls her girl up into a hug. “Good morning, baby girl. Run go potty and then we’ll get dressed for breakfast, okay?”

“Um’kay. Love you, Mommy!”

“Love you, too, sweet girl.”

Thirty minutes later, the duo is walking into the conference room for breakfast. Malak runs to Crystal, holding Ali’s phone.

“AUNT CRYSTAL! LOOK! MAMA PAINTED MY ROOM!”

Ali laughs. “Malak! Inside voice!” she corrects.

“Oops. Sorry, Mommy.”

Malak shows Crystal her new pink and Carolina blue room. Ali rolls her eyes as they gush over the blue. She is getting a plate ready for her girl when Tobin walks in with Kirby.

“All peed and pooped out,” she reports.

Ali grins. “Thanks for the assist.” She turns. “Malak, come get Kirby so you can feed him.”

“Um’kay!”

Malak runs over, leaving the phone with Crystal. She takes Kirby’s leash from Tobin and walks over to a corner. She slips her back pack off and pulls out his food and his two bowls. After putting his food down she runs and gets a bottle of water and fills his water bowl. Tobin smiles.

“That is too cute for words.”

Ali smiles. “She’s learning responsibility. Of course, she says it’s a team thing. He helps her at night and she helps him during the day.”

Tobin’s hand goes to her heart. “Too cute!”

“Yep. I was hesitant at first about her having a pup but he really has helped her with her anxiety and her nightmares. I’m not sure I can ever thank Whit enough for looking into service dogs and arranging this.”

Tobin grins. “So cool that it has worked so well. I could tell the difference last night when she didn’t get overwhelmed in the lobby.”

Ali nods. “Yeah. She is getting better, Tobes, in so many ways.”

“That’s awesome.”

The two sit down and Malak climbs up into her chair to eat. But first she shows Tobin and anyone else who walks by her beautiful new room.

Ali groans after the fourth showing. “Can’t just say blue,” she mumbles, as the Tar Heels at her table chuckle.

* * *

 

Ashlyn rolls over and groans. She didn’t fall asleep until after 4 a.m. and the clock is showing 8:04 a.m. The only bright side was she was so tired when she finally gave in to exhaustion she didn’t dream. She sits up and runs a hand over her face.

“Can’t do this for 2 weeks,” she tells herself. “Figure out a better way.”

Her mind briefly flashes to the sleeping pills Dr. Westfallen had prescribed but she is worried about getting hooked on them. She shakes her head.

“Not yet. Last resort but not yet,” she tells herself.

She grabs her phone and sees Ali has seen the pictures. She smiles as she sees her wife begrudgingly admit the blue looked better than the green. She chuckles at the follow up message that if Malak doesn’t stop saying “Carolina blue” every time she describes it Ash will never get lucky again.

“Can’t help my girl has good taste,” Ashlyn whispers to herself.

She walks into the room and carefully looks over the walls and nods. The blending had been perfect and she sees no streaks or drips that need to be fixed. She’ll hang all Malak’s pictures back up that afternoon and take her little girl to choose other wall decorations when they get home from Texas. As she makes her way to the kitchen for coffee and breakfast the blonde can’t help but wonder what she will do that day to try to send herself into an exhausted, dreamless sleep that night.

* * *

 

“I thought Texas in February was supposed to be warm,” Christen grumbles.

Ali chuckles, burrowing herself farther into her warm-up jacket. “You think you’re cold? You didn’t have to give up your coat to a kid and a dog,” she points out.

Christen smiles. “True. They owe you major cuddles later.”

“Don’t I know it.”

Ali glances over to the bench. Due to a scheduling mistake, the nanny for the team (well, for Malak) would not be arriving until the next morning. So during the weightlifting session that morning, Malak and Kirby had sat in the corner colouring or cheering on their favorite team members. Now that they are out at the field, Malak is sitting near the bags with Kirby on her lap. She is sitting on two USWNT heavy jackets, wrapped up in Ali and Hope’s, and has Carli’s, Sam’s, and Stephanie’s nearby just in case she needs them. She is the warmest person on the pitch!

“I am thinking they owe cuddles to quite a few team members,” Ali points out.

“True. Sorry this Cali girl ain’t one of them,” Christen jokes.

“Forgiven,” Ali agrees.

The two line up and wait for the whistle then start their next series of sprints. When they finally cross the end line, Jill claps her hands.

“Good job. Get a drink and get ready for ball drills!”

Ali walks over to the side of the field. Malak starts to clap.

“Mommy, you were the goodest!”

Ali smiles. “Thanks, sweet girl. You and Kirby still warm?”

“Ah huh. Even gots more coats if we need them,” she assures her mother.

“Good girl.” She slips the dog tags off her neck and puts them on her daughter. “Hold on to these for me?”

Malak smiles proudly and starts to play with them. “Yes, Mommy!”

Ali kisses the top of her head. “Good job.”

She grabs some water and jogs back out onto the pitch. Malak cheers her on.

“Not fair, Kriegs,” Carli says to her.

Ali frowns. “What’s not?”

“No one else has a cheerleader to keep them motivated,” she answers then winks.

Ali laughs. “Well, if all goes well, I’ll only have her today. Last thing she needs is to get sick from this cold!”

“True,” Carli agrees with a grin.

Jill gets the team split into groups and gets them started on ball drills. Malak cheers for her mother the entire time, to the amusement of the entire team. And Ali feels like it is her best practice in years!

* * *

 

Ashlyn drops down into her recliner and looks around. She had finished Malak’s room. She then vacuumed the house. She put in a good workout in the basement gym. She washed the dishes. She took out the trash. She cleaned out then scrubbed the refrigerator. She cleaned the oven.

“Now what,” she mumbles.

She clenches and unclenches her fists. Finally she smacks one down on the arm of the chair.

“DAMN IT! You’re 30 fucking years old, Ashlyn! Why the fuck are you so jittery being home alone? It’s fucking stupid!”

She sits forward, burying her face in her hands. After a few deep breaths, she stands and starts to pace. It is only 2 p.m. She has a long, long way to go before even trying to sleep and already she is worried it will be another night when her nerves take over.

She walks over to the mini bar set up in the living room and pours herself two fingers of whiskey. She knocks it back without a thought. She takes a deep breath, letting the burn of the liquor course through her body. She sets the glass down and looks around the room.

She just can’t think of another chore to do around the house.

“Fuck,” she mumbles.

She goes upstairs and changes into sweats and sneakers. Putting her keys, phone and wallet into a fanny pack, she heads out for a jog, hoping it will help to exhaust her mind and body so she can get some sleep that night.

* * *

 

“Here you go,” Ali says, putting a cup of hot cocoa in front of Malak.

“I thought this was just for snow days!” the girl says excitedly.

Ali grins and ruffles her hair. “Nope. It’s for anytime we get super chilly. Are you sure you’re warm?”

Malak blows on her drink then takes a sip. “I good, Mama. Kirby and me was all cuddled up in coats.”

“Good.”

Ali sits back in her seat, putting her feet up on the coffee table in the room. She watches as Malak slowly drinks her cocoa. There was a time she’d have finished practice and gone out with the girls or even put in extra reps in the weight room. But today she is content to be in her hotel room making sure her daughter stays healthy and warm. Her hand slips down to her stomach, unconsciously rubbing where a child would be carried. As Malak offers Kirby a bit of cookie, the defender smiles.

“You’re going to be an awesome big sister someday, Mallie.”

Malak looks up, eyes bright. “You gonna have a baby?!”

Ali laughs. “Uh, not yet. Maybe next year. After the Olympics.”

“Oh, okay. I can help with the baby, Mommy. Promise.”

Ali smiles and nods. “I know you will.” She glances at her watch. “Finish your cookie and cocoa and we can watch a movie before dinner, okay?”

“Um’kay, Mommy.”

Yep, cocoa and a movie. A year ago this would have been an unheard of post-practice ritual for Ali Krieger-Harris. But she wouldn’t trade this time for all the gold medals in the world.

* * *

 

“HI, MAMA!”

Ashlyn smiles as her daughter’s happy face fills up her computer screen. “Hey, Mal Bear! You having fun in the Lone Star State?”

Malak frowns. “No, Mama. I in Texas.”

Ashlyn grins and hears Ali chuckle. “Ah, of course. My mistake.”

“Make sure you come to the right place, Mama,” Malak warns.

“I will double check my ticket tonight, Mallie. Promise,” she vows.

“Um’kay.”

From there Malak launches into a description of all she had done that day. Ashlyn smiles as she pictures her daughter bundled up in just about every coat the team has. It warms her heart to know that the ladies would do what they could to help Ali keep the little girl safe and warm. This little girl was lucky to have so many aunts in her life.

“You sound like you had a great day, Mal Bear.”

“I did, Mama. And Coach Jill say I can help time runs again tomorrow a’cause she’s going to make the team run lots and lots.”

“Whoa now...what do you mean ‘lots and lots’?” Ali asks, making her daughter and wife chuckle.

Malak grins. “Ooops. That was supposed to be a surprise.”

Ashlyn laughs. “It’s okay. Mommy LOVES to run lots and lots.”

“Riiiiight,” Ali grumbles good-naturedly.

“So what you do, Mama?”

“Well, I put all your furniture back where it belongs and hung your pictures. Then I cleaned the house and worked out a bit. Pretty much just a boring day,” she says. “Oh, and...I missed my girls more than I can say.”

Malak sighs and pats the screen. “We missed you, too, Mama. Mommy let me wear your tags during practice and I gave them a kiss for you.”

Ashlyn smiles. “I thought I felt a kiss on my cheek earlier. Must have been those magic tags.”

Malak nods. “It was, Mama. It was!”

Ali grins, loving how happy Ashlyn makes their girl with just a few words. Her mind wanders to a Skype featuring these two and 1...maybe 2 other kids. Oh the magical stories Ash would weave for them! Ashlyn notices the faraway look in her wife’s eyes.

“Alex? You okay?”

Ali snaps out of it and sits forward. “Yeah! Sorry, just...daydreaming.”

“Mommy gonna have a baby,” Malak explains.

Ashlyn starts to laugh as Ali blushes. “Oh, she is? Soon?”

“No. After the ’lympics,” Malak answers.

“Well, good to know. Should I start working on the nursery?”

Ali rolls her eyes. “No, you don’t need to work on the nursery. No way am I letting you decorate without my help. We’ll end up with Carolina Blue walls that have sharks swimming on them.”

Ashlyn grins. “Sounds perfect! I’ll check paint samples tomorrow.”

Ali lifts a brow. “C.O.F.L., Ashlyn. Remember that.”

Malak looks confused as Ashlyn giggles. The old “cut off for life” from sex threat having turned into initials ever since the first time Malak had asked what was being cut off.

“I’ll remember. Still think it would look cool,” she adds with a wink.

Ali just smiles. The trio talks for another hour before Ashlyn winds a wonderful tale of Malak the Mighty, the brave little girl who becomes a knight and saves her village from a mean dragon named Kirby...who turned out to be mean only because he was picked on. By the end of the story they are friends helping their village stay safe from bad guys and everyone loves the dragon.

“Best story ever, Mama!” Malak says.

Ashlyn smiles. “Thanks, Mal Bear. You better get to sleep. Coach Jill is going to need you at your best tomorrow while she’s making the team run and run and run.”

“Um’kay. I love you, Mama. You be here soon, right?”

“I’ll see you in Houston, soon, sweetheart. Promise.”

“I’ll talk to you later, Ash.”

Ashlyn smiles at her wife. “Looking forward to it, Alex. I love you both so much.”

“Love you, Mama!”

“Love you, baby girl.”

Ashlyn ends the session and sighs. She misses her girls so much. How the hell was she ever going to deploy again?

* * *

 

Later that night, Ashlyn hangs up with her wife and stares at the ceiling. She is too wired to sleep. Scratch that...she is too scared to sleep. She smacks herself in the head.

“You talk your daughter out of bad dreams, talk yourself out of them, idiot!”

She tosses and turns for an hour before reaching to her nightstand and lifting up the sleeping pills. She stares at them and reluctantly pulls one out, downing it dry. She sighs and lays back on her pillow, trying to clear her head. After another hour, she gets up and starts to wander through the house. She straightens pictures. She wipes away non-existent specks of dust. She comes to a stop.

Staring at the mini-bar.

She bites her lip before reaching for the whiskey. “Just one drink. It will help the pill. It will be fine,” she convinces herself.

She pours herself a double and shoots it down. She feels the familiar warmth steal through her body, calming her. She stares at the bar a moment...then pours a second.

“Just in case,” she tells herself as she carries it up to her room, placing it on her bedside table.

When she wakes in the morning the glass is empty. It should worry her she doesn’t remember drinking it but she is just glad she was able to get some rest before work. So she repeats the process on Monday night.

The next night, she carries the bottle up to her room. It is empty when she wakes up.

Wednesday she stops at the ABC store to pick up a new, larger bottle. That also ends up in the room, about half full in the morning.

Another bottle comes home on Thursday...just in case. Around 1 a.m. Friday morning she grabs her phone, knocking a now empty bottle and the nearly empty second bottle to the carpet. With blurry eyes, she stares at the phone a second then hits a number.

“Help me...please...” she cries into the speaker.

“I’m on my way, Ash,” Lori Lindsey promises, already throwing on her clothes.

* * *

 

Ali has just tucked Malak in for a nap on Friday when her phone starts to vibrate. When she sees the name of the caller, her heart skips a beat.

“Hi, Lori,” she answers nervously.

“Hi, Ali. So, uh...shit...”

“What’s happened to her?” Ali says, closing the door of the bathroom so she can speak freely.

“She called me last night. She’s been drinking to sleep. As you can imagine, it took more each night.”

“Oh my God...”

“Yeah. She called me after midnight last night drunk and crying. She realized what she was doing but wasn’t sure she could stop herself from keeping on that path.”

Ali wipes away a tear. “I should be there. Fuck me I should be there.”

“Stop, Ali. Truth is, she probably needed this breakdown. She’s finally fully opened up.” Lori glances up the stairs towards the bedroom. “Her doc is in with her now.”

“Dr. Westfallen? She came to the house?”

Lori nods. “Yeah, she did. Ash asked me to call her last night. Fuck, she wouldn’t let me not call so I did and left the doc a message. Dr. Westfallen showed up about 15 minutes ago and Ash just...just broke.”

Ali sits on the edge of the bathtub, tears now freely rolling down her cheeks. “What do I do Lori?”

Lori takes a deep breath. “Don’t hate me for saying this but...but you and Malak need to stay away from her today. She’s been trying to be okay for you guys and it just...it all collapsed on her. She’s not okay, Ali. And stop cursing yourself like I know you are. She was in denial about how she was affected by everything that happened to her. She shoved away the feelings trying to be strong for everyone; trying to show us all she was fine.”

“But she wasn’t. How did I miss it? How? Has she been drinking all this time?”

Lori sighs. “She said the nights she wouldn’t go back to bed, yeah, she was. She’d replace the whiskey if it got too low so you wouldn’t notice. She even kept an extra bottle in the hall closet to refill the mini-bar one with.”

“Son of a bitch.” Ali says, swiping angrily at her tears.

“She’s asked me to take all the alcohol in the house to my place and it’s already in my car. I mean, I can’t stop her from going and buying more but I don’t think she will. She doesn’t want to fall into the same rabbit hole her parents did. Ali, she’s fighting to get better. I swear to you,” Lori stresses, hearing the muffled sobs of her friend.

“I had no idea how close to the edge she was getting. She was doing good with Westfallen. She was back to work. She was...was okay! What the fuck happened?”

Lori sighs. “You two were gone and...and on Monday her team deployed to a natural disaster.”

Ali inhales sharply. “She...she didn’t tell me...”

“Again, she was trying to be okay. She didn’t want you worried about her. Fuck, she’ll kick my ass when she finds out I made this call but, well, I don’t think she’s in the right frame of mind to tell me not to call.”

“She told you not to call me?” Ali confirms.

“Yeah,” Lori sighs. She takes a deep breath. “She wasn’t herself, Al. She isn’t...this isn’t the Ashlyn we know. This is the woman who was abused by that fucking bastard,” her voice chokes off. “He fucking cracked her with the shit he put her through and she finally shattered. I’m trying to help her. I swear I am,” she says, her emotions finally getting to her.

Ali is biting her lip so hard she is scared she will draw blood. “You’re doing everything you can for her, Lori. It makes me feel better to know you were there when she reached out. I can never thank you enough for it.”

“No thanks needed. Like you I keep asking myself how I missed it. I think...I think I may need an appointment with Westfallen after this.”

“Me, too,” Ali agrees. She takes a deep breath. “Whitney arrives this evening. Don’t let Ashlyn push her away or act like things are fine. Whit can help her face shit.”

“Yeah, I talked to her already. Saw on the calendar she was coming. She’s calling in Heather, too, to come early. We won’t let Ash face this on her own, Ali. I promise.”

“I know,” Ali chokes out. “I’ll see about flying- -”

“NO! Ali, I know it sucks and I know you want to be here but you can’t be. Stay there. Let her think she’s protecting you and Malak. That’s the only thing keeping her sane right now. Play your ass off and qualify for the Olympics. If all goes well, she’ll still be seeing you in Houston next week. She just...needed to break completely to really start to heal.”

Ali paces in the small area the bathroom allows. “I...how can I play? How do I- -”

“Because if you don’t what is she going to think? She’ll blame herself, Ali. Play for her. Give her the comfort of seeing you play and knowing she protected you and your daughter.”

“I’ll...I’ll try. Tell her I love her?”

“Text her and tell her yourself. Just...maybe don’t call unless I tell you the doctor says it’s okay.”

“Malak will want to tell her goodnight,” Ali points out.

Lori sighs and wipes at her eyes. “Uh, well, I’ll talk to the doctor and let you know. Remember: this is about healing her head so she can be the wife and mother you both want her to be. Give her time, Ali.”

“I will. I promise. Lori, I...I can’t thank you enough.”

“You just did. We’ll help her get better, Al. I promise.”

“I know. Love you, Lor.”

“Love you, too.”

Ali hangs up and finally releases the tears and sobs she had been holding in, praying her daughter stays awake long enough for the crying jag to end.

* * *

 

Back in Virginia, Ashlyn sits in a corner of the bedroom she shares with her wife. The bed is overturned, everything swept off both dressers. Clothes are torn out of drawers and the closet. Her uniforms are in a pile on the closet floor. Pictures are on the ground. Her eyes are wide with paranoia. To her chest, she clutches the picture Tiffany had taken the day Malak was officially adopted. Dr. Westfallen sits cross-legged on the floor about 10 feet away amid the destruction.

“I’m here when you’re ready to talk, Ashlyn. I’m not going anywhere,” she says calmly.

But still the captain just stares at nothing, her voice silent, as her mind deals with the horrors she had suppressed that had come crashing down on her in the wee hours of the morning.


	7. Chapter 7

At dinner that night, Tobin and Crystal sweep in and tell Ali that Malak is theirs for the meal. Ali is confused at first but amused none the less. Malak, of course, is happy as can be. As Ali makes her way through the buffet line, Alex Morgan and Christen Press surround her.

“Sit with us?” Alex suggests.

Ali pauses and looks at the two women. She sighs.

“Who called you?”

“Lori,” Alex admits.

Ali’s eyes well up and her hands start to shake. “Fuck,” she mutters. “Can’t let Malak see this.”

She sets her plate down and walks out of the room. Alex and Christen follow her. They find her in the bathroom, hanging over the sink, sobbing. The women pull her into a hug, just holding her. They hear the door open.

“Kriegs? What’s wrong?” Jill asks.

Ali tries to speak but can’t. Alex looks at their coach.

“Ashlyn finally, well, I don’t really know what to call it. But she remembered all that happened and kind of, well...”

“She cracked under the memories,” Christen supplies. “She’s with her doctor and Lori Lindsey. Whit and HAO are on their way, too.”

“Damn, Kriegs.” Jill steps forward. “If you need to go, I won’t hold this against you.”

Ali shakes her head. “She...doesn’t...want me.”

Alex frowns. “Hey, don’t say it like that! She doesn’t want to hurt you, Ali.”

“Yeah, she is trying to protect you and Malak,” Christen confirms. “She loves you so much she is doing her best not to ruin your chance to help us qualify for Rio. She wants to be better for you. You know that.”

Jill steps forward and puts a hand on Ali’s shoulder. “When our loved ones hurt, it is painful to be this far away. But sometimes...sometimes that distance is what they need to really heal. It, well, sucks for us that we aren’t there but maybe...maybe she needs this break to really be the wife and mother she wants and needs to be.”

Ali slowly gets control of her emotions. She wipes her face and starts to nod. “I...I kinda see that. Lori said the same. But it hurts so much I can’t help her. I thought she was okay. How did I miss it? I love her more than I can say and I missed how fragile she was!”

“Because she didn’t want you to see it, Ali,” Christen points out. “How many times did you hide how scared or upset you were while she was over there? How many times did you act like things were okay for you just to protect her? Protecting our loved ones is a key part of loving them.”

Ali takes a deep breath as she thinks about that. She lets it out slowly as she starts to nod. “I...I guess I see what you mean. But it fucking hurts so badly!”

“We know, Al. We know,” Alex says, hugging her closely. “So the plan for tonight is for Tobin and Crystal to wear Malak out until she falls asleep. The rest of us are here for you to cry with, scream at, laugh with, whatever you need. And tomorrow...tomorrow we’ll get an update from Lori, Whit or HAO on how Ashlyn is doing and we’ll decide what to do with you and Malak at that time.”

“Oh, and, we won’t let Jill know you’re a bit emotional,” Christen adds with a wink at the coach.

Jill grins. “I saw nothing,” she promises.

Ali is surprised when a chuckle escapes her mouth. “I love you guys so much.”

“We love you, too, Kriegs,” Alex promises.

Christen pulls a make-up kit out of her hoodie pocket. “Now, let’s make you look like the Princess Warrior you are so you can go enjoy dinner and not worry your daughter.”

Ali smiles as she takes the kit. “Thank you. All three of you. Well, really the whole team. It means more to me than you know that I can count on you all for help and comfort for my family.”

Jill pats her defender on the back and goes out, leaving the two forwards to help get Ali back together. When they walk into the conference room a few minutes later, only the slight red in her eyes would give away that Ali had been crying.

And thankfully Malak is so distracted by Tobin and Crystal, she never notices. With the help of her friends, Ali has protected her daughter.

And what more could a mother ask for?

* * *

 

Ashlyn had been silent for more than two hours. Westfallen had cleared her schedule and just sits patiently, waiting for the soldier to lead the session. Suddenly Ashlyn takes a deep breath.

“I remember it all,” she says quietly.

“You mean what happened in captivity?” Westfallen prods.

“Yeah. I mean...some is a blank but I think I was passed out at those times. Or maybe in so much pain it’s a true blackout, you know?” Westfallen nods. “But I...I remember everything they did. I remember his smug fucking voice. I remember the lewd comments from his men. I remember...” she inhales sharply as a tear escapes her eyes. “...I remember them saying they’d rape me. I remember...fuck, Doc, I remember everything they were doing to me. They made sure to start new aspects of torture when I was coherent enough to understand what they were doing. They relished it because...because after a while...I couldn’t hide my fear of what they were doing.”

“Ashlyn, they were monsters in human disguises,” Westfallen states. “That’s not something I say lightly. They were sadistic monsters who fed on your suffering and the suffering of others they had taken. But look me in the eye and hear what I am saying, Ashlyn.” She waits until Ashlyn meets her eyes. “YOU survived them. YOU beat them at their own game. YOU lived, Ashlyn. They died and you lived. And today...today we start to get your life back. All your walls are down, Ashlyn. Time to rebuild yourself.” She nods to the picture that Ashlyn clutches like a lifeline. “You rebuild yourself for them.”

“What if...I can’t?”

“You called Lori last night, Ashlyn. You let her call me in today. You may not realize it, but you’ve already starting laying the foundation of the new, improved you.”

Ashlyn doesn’t respond. She lets what the doctor has said sink in. She glances towards the doorway and sees Lori leaning against the doorjamb.

“I’m not leaving, buddy. I’m sticking with you through everything,” Lori promises.

Another tear slips down Ashlyn’s cheek. “I’m so scared,” she whispers.

Lori steps into the room. “No need to be scared anymore. I’m here. Whit and Heather will be here soon. Doc is here. And your wife...your wife is one of the strongest women I know. She won’t be leaving you, either. And as to Malak? Hell, look what she’s already survived, Ash. She’s not going anywhere, that’s for sure.”

“And your foundation gets stronger,” Westfallen points out.

Ashlyn squeezes her eyes shut and slams her head lightly back into the wall. “I...I don’t feel that, Doc.”

“I know you don’t. That’s why we’re here, Ashlyn. We’ll be by your side until you do feel it. Meanwhile, we’ll just keep building.” She takes a deep breath, time to push a little. “What do you think is the worst thing you experienced in captivity?”

Ashlyn groans. Her head lolls back and forth as she tries to determine the absolute worst aspect of her torture. Her hand goes to her thigh, feeling the slightly raised area that had been a burn wound. Westfallen frowns, considering something Ashlyn had just said.

“Ashlyn...were you raped?” she asks softly. Lori’s eyes widen.

Ashlyn’s breath hitches. “N...No. Leader of those...those fucks...said I wasn’t....worthy of...of their dicks,” she stutters out. She grips the pants she wears with her fist. “They fucking shocked me! They stuck that FUCKING device down there and...and FUCK THEM! God, it hurt so fucking bad! The last time, I was able to move a little and he just...he held it there. He thought...thought it was against my center. But it wasn’t. It was against my fucking thigh.” She starts to punch the scarred area. “THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY FUCKING CLIT!” she screams. “And he just fucking laughed. Said my fucking dyke wife would never look at me again by the time he was done because he’d have burned it off. Said she’d be happy I died!”

“And you believed him, didn’t you? Part of you believed Alex would be happy you died, right?” Westfallen pushes.

Ashlyn groans and rolls down the wall onto her side, curled in the fetal position. “Yes,” she grunts out.

Westfallen crawls over and forces Ashlyn to look her in the eyes. “He was a fucking liar, Ashlyn. Look into your heart, Ashlyn. You knew even then, in your heart, you knew Alex would only care about you being alive. She loves you and you love her. Injuries, even crippling injuries, would not change that, Ashlyn. You _knew_ that, Ashlyn. You LIVED because you knew Alexandra Krieger-Harris wanted her wife home and that meant more than anything.”

Sobs wrack Ashlyn’s body as she lets the doctor pull her into a hug. Lori had taken a few steps into the room as Ashlyn had collapsed. Tears roll down her cheeks as she watches one of the strongest women she’s ever known fight back from the edge of despair. Ashlyn had broken, yes. But Lori was planning to be there to help build her back up. Like Doc said, the foundation was started and Lori would help see it built back up stronger than ever.

* * *

 

Ali is stroking a hand through her daughter’s hair when her phone starts to buzz. She carefully gets out of the bed and moves away as she answers.

“How is she?” she asks immediately.

HAO sighs. “She’s...struggling. But she’s better than she was when Lori first found her. How are you?”

“Angry. Frustrated. Terrified. Think of the negative emotion and you can probably attribute it to my mood right now.”

“I believe it.”

“Heather, how bad was she? Really?”

HAO takes a deep breath. “Bad, Al. But she reached out. Keep that in mind: when she got to her lowest point, she called Lori and asked for more help.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t catch her drinking issues. Fuck, considering what I saw with Kyle I should have known,” Ali chastises herself.

“Stop that, Ali. Stop it right now,” HAO orders. “She was trying to protect you so she hid it very well. Probably better than Kyle ever did. She wasn’t drinking to forget but drinking to try to sleep. It...it may not seem a big difference but it really is. Your heart knows that even if your mind doesn’t right now.”

Ali wipes a tear from her cheek. “We...had a fight last week. She...she stayed out late without a call. She told me then that...that she couldn’t wait to get home to drink more. I should have checked then to see if there was more to it. I just...I just...”

“Ali, you love her. And she’s never been one to drink just to drink. You are both in a whole new phase of your relationship. She wants so badly to protect you; to keep you from having to deal with the nightmares of 2 people. She did things wrong but, well, her heart was in the right place.” She takes a deep breath. “And now she’ll get her head in the right place.”

Ali slides down the wall to the floor, her eyes on her daughter. “How? How does she heal?”

“By reaching out like she never has before. She forced Lori to call Dr. Westfallen. That says a lot about her determination to get better.” She pauses a moment. “And, well, the doctor suggested to Ashlyn that you and she have a few couple’s sessions. You can tell her your fears, Ashlyn can tell hers, and together with a mediator, in a neutral setting, you can really hammer out what you both need to do going forward. Ali, she loves you so much. That hasn’t changed. All that has changed is how much she loves herself. To clarify, she’s hating herself right now as she remembers more and more about what happened.”

“My poor baby,” Ali whimpers. She takes a deep breath, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Whatever she needs, Heather. I’m in this forever with her and I’ll do anything and everything I can to help make her better.”

HAO smiles. “I told the doc that’s what you’d say.”

“Can...can I talk to her?” Ali asks nervously.

“Ashlyn? She’s asleep. She finally crashed about a half hour ago. Whit and Lori carried her into the spare bedroom. They are cleaning up your room right now and Whit will sleep with Ash tonight so she’s not alone.”

“What happened to our room?” Ali interrupts.

HAO groans. “Oh. Thought you knew. When Lori got here last night Ash was basically tearing it apart. Flipped the mattress, upturned nightstands, swept off the dressers. She even had all her uniforms in a pile like she was going to burn them or something. Lori got her to stop before she did too much damage.”

“Son of a bitch,” Ali mutters, imagining the rage that must have been flowing through her wife.

“Al, the thing that...that got through to her? It was the pic of you, her and Malak the day the adoption was filed. She has had that picture clutched to her chest since she took it from Lori. She’s holding onto you and Mal; you two are her anchors right now. You are her reasons for getting better. Our Ash is in there but, like the doc said, we’re rebuilding her foundations since that fucking bastard in Iraq destroyed them. And we WILL rebuild them. No other option,” she states with conviction.

Ali is surprised to feel a smile grace her face. “You’re right. We will. I don’t know what we’d do without you guys.”

“Not even worth wondering about,” HAO states, echoing earlier promises made to Ali.

“So I’ve been told,” Ali confirms. “Still, we owe you guys a heck of a party. I love you guys so much.”

“We love you, too. Now, get ready for bed, Kriegs. You’ve got an Olympics to qualify for.”

Ali smiles and nods. “Yeah, I guess I do. And I have a daughter I have to be strong for. Crystal and Tobin were so good to her tonight to give me time to...to vent and stuff. But tomorrow I go back to being Mommy. Tell Ashlyn we love her and when she needs us, we’ll be there for her.”

HAO smiles. “I’ll tell her. If something happens tonight I’ll call but I think Ash will probably sleep through the night.”

“Good. She needs it. And make sure she knows I’m not mad at her. I’m not disappointed. I get this is part of her healing and I just want her to get better.”

“I’ll make sure she believes it.”

“Thanks for everything, Heather.”

“No problem, Ali. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Ali hangs up and stands. She goes back to her daughter’s bed and crawls in with her. She pulls her into a hug and kisses her on the forehead.

“Whatever my two girls need they will get. I love you both so, so much.”

She snuggles in close and soon drifts off to sleep, comforted by the feeling of her little girl in her arms.

* * *

 

Whitney slowly stretches as she wakes. She rolls over, feeling the body behind her. She reaches over and places her hand on Ashlyn’s stomach. She watches as a tear follows a track left by others down the woman’s cheek as she stares at the ceiling.

“I am so sorry,” Ashlyn croaks.

“Don’t even go there, Ashlyn,” Whitney says immediately.

“I’m so fucking scared, Whit, and I don’t know at what or who or...or...anything.”

Whitney pulls her friend into a hug as sobs wrack her body. “It doesn’t matter that you’re scared, Ashlyn. What matters is you asked for help and that we are here to help you work through everything.” She kisses her best friend’s temple. “We’re not leaving you, Ashlyn. I swear. We will help you figure out what has you so scared and we will help you face it. You’re not alone, Ash. I promise you are not alone.”

After a few minutes, Ashlyn’s tears ease up. She reaches up and wipes her face. “I’m sorry I keep crying. I don’t mean to I just- -”

“Hush! Fuck, Ash, it’s about time you cried for all the shit that went down over there. Did you ever stop to think your mind and your soul need to cry this shit out? You need to mourn for more than Dalton and others you lost, Ash. You need to mourn for that part of your soul you once told me you lost over there. And you need to mourn for that part of you that fucker hurt in that basement. You need to cry for you, Ash, not just everyone else.”

“That sounds so selfish,” she whispers.

“It’s NOT selfish. It’s healing. Somewhere in your mind and heart you know that. And I am here, Heather is here, and Lori is here to help you find that part of you that is buried away.”

Ashlyn hugs her tightly. “I don’t deserve you guys.”

“Bullshit. Tell me you wouldn’t be here for us if we were the one struggling and I’ll call you a liar. Might even smack your ass...and not in a fun way,” she adds.

Ashlyn can’t help but grin. “You’d enjoy that too much.”

Whitney chuckles. “Aha! I knew my smartass best friend was hidden in there somewhere. How about we get up and work on finding the rest of you.”

Ashlyn takes a deep breath. Was she ready for that? Was she ready to really face the shit that was done to her? Can she tell them something she has hidden from Ali and everyone? Yes...she thinks she can.

“I have a thumb drive. It...has stuff on it.” She bites her lip a second. Whitney gives her time. “That fucker had cameras in the basement. He...he videoed it all so it could be used in their propaganda.” A tear slides down her cheek. “He’d have made a video showing everything they did and finally...finally showing me breaking and...and getting...he’d have...fuck...”

Whitney strengthens herself. “The final scene would have been him killing you, right?”

“Yeah. His favorite method was to behead someone. He told me that’s what awaited me.” She shivers. “I can’t...I couldn’t...fuck, Whit, I kept thinking I couldn’t die like that and risk Alex or Malak seeing it.” She takes a shuddering breath. “When the Rangers rescued me, they grabbed all the electronics. I have the edited version of what he put me through. Hours of...of that shit.”

“I guess we need to watch it, don’t we. And, Ash, you’ll need to let Ali decide whether she wants to watch or not.”

“I know,” she whispers. “I remember so much, Whit. What if...if there’s more?”

Whitney lifts her best friends face and stares into her eyes. “You’re alive, Ashlyn. He hurt you but you survived. He didn’t fucking behead you, he didn’t kill you, and from what you’ve told me, he didn’t break you.” Ashlyn shivers. “Oh, hell...you’re worried he did break you, aren’t you?” Ashlyn nods. “Honey, if he had, you’d have been dead before the Rangers got there. Even if we fast forward to the end, you need to watch that video. You need to prove to yourself that you beat him at his own damn game.”

“I don’t...want you guys to see it,” Ashlyn mumbles.

“Why not? We’ve seen the scars, seen the wounds. What changes if we see it happen?” Whit challenges. “How does our seeing you beat this guy change anything? All it will make me do is love you more and admire you more. That will kinda suck for me having to deal with your swelled ego but should be fine for you.”

Ashlyn actually grins at that. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure, Ash. Heather and Lori can decide for themselves but I will watch it with you to remind you that you are alive and getting better. Might also cuss the motherfucker a time or two but not you, Ash. All you will have from me is love and respect. I promise.”

Ashlyn sighs, her heart lifting a bit. “You’re pretty awesome, Whit. Thank you for...for everything.”

“No thanks needed, my friend. Now, how about some coffee and breakfast?”

Ashlyn nods. “Yeah, good call. I...I can’t remember the last time I ate a good meal.”

“Then we start with a good meal today. Time to turn a corner, Ash. It’s not going to be fixed overnight but we start you on the path to complete healing today, right?”

“Right. I need to get better for Alex and Malak. My wife and daughter need me.” She hesitates. “Uh, right?” she asks weakly.

“Damn right they do,” Whitney answers emphatically. She sits up. “Now, first things first, get a shower and I’ll start breakfast, okay?”

Ashlyn just nods and gets out of bed. On shaky legs she makes her way to her bedroom. She sees it has been put back to rights by her friends. A look in her closet shows her even her uniforms are hung back up. She shakes her head. She wasn’t sure she deserved the three that had come to her rescue but she was damn glad to have them. She makes her way into the bathroom and turns the shower on, letting it heat up. Soon she is letting the steaming water burn away some of the guilt and uncertainty that had been plaguing her life for longer than she cared to admit.

“Fresh start today, Ashlyn. Don’t blow it,” she coaches herself, while still partly scared what she will see on the thumb drive that contains the evidence of her living hell.

* * *

 

Ali smiles as Malak slowly wakes up. The little girl blinks a few times then her smile appears.

“Good morning, Mommy. We call Mama now?”

Ali chuckles and kisses Malak on the forehead. “Good morning, sweet girl. Go potty and we can call her when you’re done,” she promises, having already spoken with HAO that morning.

Malak leaps off the bed and starts towards the bathroom. Then she stops and turns back. “Where’s Kirby?” she asks nervously.

“He’s okay. Toby is taking him for his morning walk.”

“Oh, okay. I dreameded last night that him was taken from me,” she says softly.

Ali opens her arms and Malak runs back into them. Ali holds her close. “I promise you, Malak, no one will take Kirby from you. I won’t let it happen and neither will Mama or your gazillion aunts.”

Malak smiles. “Okay.”

She eases out of the hug, kisses Ali’s cheek then hurries off to do her business. Ali reaches for her phone. Her finger hesitates over the send button as she stares at her wife’s profile picture. She takes a deep breath and punches it. Malak runs back in and Ali lifts an eyebrow.

“Did you wash your hand?”

“Uh...maybe?” Malak offers. Ali just stares. Malak sighs and turns. “I’ll go wash.”

Ali smiles. Malak had finally figured out a way to wash her hand by herself using the stump to help. But, like a lot of kids, she often needed to be reminded to actually do the deed.

“Good girl,” Ali tells her.

“Am I a good girl, too?” Ashlyn asks, exhaustion and...something else...in her voice.

Ali grins. “The best girl in my book. Are you okay?”

Ashlyn chuckles humourlessly. “That’s a loaded question. Sadly, I think the answer right now is no. But...I’m getting better.” She pauses. “I am so, so sorry I lied and hid the drinking and...and, fuck, Alex, I am sorry for so much.”

“Ashlyn, I love you. I’m sorry I didn’t see the struggle you were hiding. We both made mistakes but we’ll get past them. I am so, so proud of you for asking for help. That tells me how strong you are and it tells me you have turned the corner. I know you’re scared right now and I know you’re still hurting but you will be okay eventually. I don’t care how long you need to take, I’m not leaving you, Ashlyn, and I’m not giving up on us.”

Ashlyn smiles, yet another damn tear leaking down her cheek. “I’m not either, Alex. I swear.”

“Good. Now that we have that out of the way, there is another adorable brunette standing here wanting to talk to you.”

Ashlyn smiles, her heart beating a bit faster. “And I want to talk to her.”

Ali hands Malak the phone. “HI, MAMA! Sorry I felled asleep last night but Toby was teaching me tricks and then me and Aunt Crystal was dancing and dancing and dancing and me and Kirby fell asleep.”

Ashlyn chuckles. “Well, you tell those two if they are going to tire you out they better let you call me first. I missed my Mal Bear call.”

“I missed you, too, Mama. You coming here soon?”

Ashlyn sighs. “Not too soon. You will have the game today and one on Monday before going to Houston. And then I will meet you in Houston,” she reminds her daughter.

Malak sighs and flops on the bed. “I wish this was Houston.”

Ali laughs, remembering Ashlyn describing the floppy exasperation. It is as cute as the blonde described.

“I do, too, Squirt. I miss you and Mama and Kirby lots and lots.”

“We miss you, too. Even Kirby. But you can’t talk to him right now a’cause Toby is taking him to pee and poop,” Malak explains.

Ashlyn laughs. “Well, make sure you thank Toby for taking on that chore for you.”

“I will, Mama. Promise. You gonna watch the game today?”

“I sure will. I’ll be watching and even looking in the stands to see if I see you there cheering Mommy on to victory.”

“I’ll be there in my Princess Ali jersey, Mama,” Malak tells her.

“Then I’ll know what to look for.”

Ashlyn smiles as her girl launches into a description of the plans for that morning. As she listens, it suddenly hits her just what she had come close to losing. Not just her life but her reason for living. She had hidden behind a bottle instead of facing her fears. She knew better but still fell into the trap. She could have missed watching her daughter grow up. She would have missed having more kids with Ali. She’d have lost her career, her family, her everything by turning to drink instead of getting help.

“ _Don’t be such a fucking idiot ever again, Ashlyn,_ ” she scolds herself.

“Mama? You still there?”

Ashlyn snaps back to the phone conversation. “Uh, yeah, Mal Bear. Just thinking your day sounds so much more fun than mine does. I was pouting a bit,” she replies.

Malak giggles. “Mama, no pouting,” she says, using a phrase often directed at her when she doesn’t get her way.

Ashlyn chuckles. “Yes, ma’am.” She takes a deep breath. “I love you so much, Malak. I want you to know I will always love you and always fight to be a mama you can love and respect.”

“I love you, too, Mama. Always and forever,” Malak promises. “Um, Mommy says we gotta get ready for breakfast now. Can we call you after the game?”

Ashlyn smiles. “That would be awesome, Mal Bear.”

“Um’kay, then we will. Love you, Mama.”

“Love you, too, sweet girl.”

“And I love you, too,” Ali says, taking the phone back.

“I love you, too, Alex. I...I’m so sorry.”

“Stop. It’s done, Ashlyn. All is good. I promise.”

Ashlyn runs a hand through her hair. “Good luck today, sweetheart. Kick some ass.”

Ali chuckles. “I’ll do my best,” she promises. “I love you, Ashlyn.”

“I love you, too, Alex. Bye, baby.”

“Talk to you later, sweetheart.”

Ali clicks off the phone and stares at it a moment. “ _Please, God, help her get better. Please_ ,” she prays as she watches her wife’s face fade out as the phone goes to sleep.

Ashlyn stares at her phone screen, smiling at the picture of Malak and Ali grinning at her. “ _Please, God, help me get better. Please_ ,” she prays as she watches them fade out as her phone goes to sleep.

* * *

 

Ashlyn is pacing anxiously in her living room. Lori, Whit and HAO sit patiently on the couch. Those three don’t really want to see the video currently loaded on the computer, which is hooked to the TV, but they do not want their friend to view it alone. Ashlyn runs a hand through her hair.

“Uh...anyone need a drink?” She blushes. “I meant like coffee or Coke or something. Promise.”

“We’re good, Ash,” Whit answers for the trio. “And, Ash, if today’s not the day you watch this, that’s okay. You know that, right?”

Ash slowly nods her head. “I know but...but I can’t keep remembering shit the way I have been. I’m not sleeping. I’m drinking and hiding it. I’m just...I’m so fucked in the head right now because I am scared of what I’ll remember next.”

Having voiced all that out loud does something to Ash. It strengthens her somehow. Her friends see it in the way she suddenly pulls herself up. Her shoulders are square, her back straight. She takes a deep breath and hits play on the computer.

For the next ten and a half hours, the quartet watches the horror that Ashlyn was put through, interspersed with breaks so they could recover a little. The time stamp confirms what Ashlyn had thought: the longer it went on, the longer she was out between torture sessions. But every time she had awoken it had only seemed like minutes.

“God, I was fucked up,” she mumbles as she paces behind the couch.

HAO wipes away tears and adds that Kleenex to the pile already beside her. “Ashlyn, I...I...fuck...”

Lori stares silently at the now dark screen.

Whitney keeps playing one thing over and over in her head: Valentine saying they were too late. How close had he been to being correct?

She suddenly leaps up and races into the bathroom, losing the contents of her stomach. Ashlyn follows her, holding her hair back as her best friend retches.

“Easy, Whit. It’s okay, honey. I’m fine now. I promise,” she says calmly.

Whit finally sits back, slumping against Ashlyn’s legs. She reaches up and takes her best friend’s hand.

“Are you okay? Really?”

“As fucked as it may sound, yeah, I am. Some of my...my nightmares didn’t really happen. It was just my head fucking with me, trying to fill in the blanks with shit I guess I’d seen or read about.” She takes a deep breath. “And I really didn’t break, Whit. That means...means more to me than I can explain.”

“Why?” Whit asks incredulously.

Ashlyn shrugs. “I can’t really explain it other than to say it means something that the fucker didn’t make me give up info on my country or the Army. They want to give me medals for the day I helped my team escape. I wouldn’t feel worthy of them if I had given up anything to save my own ass.” She grins down at Whit. “Go ahead...tell me that’s fucking nuts.”

Whit stares into her eyes. “That’s fucking nuts.” She smiles. “But I get it, Ash. I totally get what you’re saying.”

Ashlyn gets her hands under Whit’s arms and helps her stand. Whit pulls her into a hug.

“I am so sorry you went through all that but thank you so much for making it home to us.”

Ashlyn nods. “That was my plan the whole time.”

The two walk out and find the other two now standing, waiting for the soldier.

“You...okay?” Lori asks.

Ashlyn nods. “I’m okay. I know I have a long way to go to be fine but I’m closer than I was last night, that’s for damn sure.”

HAO pulls her into a hug. “I love you. Thank you for living.”

Ashlyn chuckles. “Love you, too. And living is definitely my pleasure.” She eases back. “Like I told Whit, seeing that I didn’t give in to that bastard helps me mentally. I promise, Heather, no more drinking to forget, no more ignoring what I need to get better, and no more destroying my room. I can’t promise no more nightmares or flashbacks but...but I really think they are going to be few and far between. All that fucker did to me and I am standing here. His ass is dead. And with all the strong women around me to hold me up and help me when I might not have felt I deserved it, how the hell can I not get better?” She walks over and pulls Lori into a hug. “Lori, you saved my life Thursday night.”

“No, I- -”

“You did.” She eases back and looks her in the eye. “I was so fucked up I...I might have...hell, just thank you so much for answering and getting your ass over here.” Her eyes well up. “I was closer to the edge than I’ve ever been. Thanks for jumping out there and pulling me back.”

Lori pulls her back into a firm embrace. “I’d never let you jump, Ash. No fucking way. Thank you for knowing you could call me. I love you and I will always, always be here for you.”

“I know. I love you, too.”

“Awww!” Whit and HAO chime.

Then those two wrap Lori and Ash up into a group hug that is a little soggy from all the tears. But none of them care.

And for the first time since she’d set foot back on American soil, Captain Ashlyn Harris finally feels like she made it home.


	8. Chapter 8

“Captain Harris, do you feel like the money is being well spent in Iraq? I mean, we’re losing personnel and buildings, which cost quite a bit of money, to the insurgents, to ISIS, and really to anyone who has a beef with us. Do you think we are foolish to continue to help them rebuild?”

Ashlyn stares up at the Senator who had asked the question. For the entire morning she, Colonel Menninger, and Major Ramos had been speaking to the Senate Armed Forces Committee about the rebuilding projects in Iraq. She carefully weighs her answer to a question she had asked herself.

“No, sir, I do not. Every time we build a new school, a new orphanage, a new city center, we are showing them that we are committed to helping the people of that town move forward. Every time we return to a city where the insurgents had driven us out to complete a build or even rebuild a destroyed building, we are showing them we are not abandoning them to anarchy, we are not writing them off for the actions of a few. Yes, there are a lot of insurgents, yes ISIS is getting stronger in that area. But tell me, sir, what would happen if we just gave up completely? I think we all remember where we were on 9/11. And I think we can all agree if we simply pull out of Iraq and leave the country in ruins, the enemies of America will have more than enough fodder to convince more radicals that a repeat of that horrible day in September is needed.”

“But are we turning people to our side?” he presses.

“Yes, sir. As evidenced by the day a woman risked her life and her children’s lives by getting us word of an impending attack. Thanks to her, we were able to call in support and we helped crush a faction of ISIS that was growing stronger in that area. Our soldiers were aided that day by villagers in that town who wanted _us_   there, not ISIS. I know the press likes to show the horror, show the negatives, but I think the positives we’ve been able to show you today have far outweighed the bad. And think of it this way, sir, if we did pull out, would we ever have anything positive to show the people of Iraq or the world again?”

Menninger nods his approval of the statement. The Senator sits back and nods to the chairman of the committee that he is finished. Another Senator sits forward, locking her eyes on Ashlyn.

“Captain Harris, these people you want us to continue helping captured you, tortured you, and threatened to kill you. How can you help them?”

Ashlyn swallows hard then leans towards the microphone, her eyes stony. “ISIS captured me, tortured me, and threatened to kill me,” she corrects. “But for over 20 hours, an Iraqi family hid me, treated my bullet wound, and 2 members of that family gave their life trying to save me. THOSE are the people we are helping, Senator, NOT the ISIS contingent.”

The Senator blushes and sits back, embarrassed by the rebuke. The chairman looks up and down the line. Satisfied no one else has questions for the panel from the Corps of Engineers, he sits forward.

“Colonel, Major, Captain, we’d like to thank you for your time this morning. We’ll go over the statistics and other information over the next several weeks and will contact you if we have questions. On a side note, Captain Harris, on behalf of this committee I’d like to thank you for your service and extend our sympathies for what you went through. We’re glad you made it home. You have made your country very proud.”

Ashlyn nods. “Thank you, sir. It is my honor to serve.”

The chairman nods and stands, dismissing the meeting. Ashlyn sits back in her seat and looks at her boss.

“So glad that’s over,” she whispers. “Just hope it helped.”

Menninger nods and pats her shoulder. “I’m sure it did, Harris. To be blunt, considering what you went through, having you still support our goals over there means a lot to everyone.”

Ashlyn nods and gathers her papers together. As she slides them into her briefcase, she looks at her boss.

“You still okay with me ducking out of here now and trying to get an earlier flight to Houston?”

He grins. “Definitely. Considering your weekend, I dare say your wife is eager to see you.”

Ashlyn blushes. She had been honest with the colonel about why she missed work on Friday. Lori had simply said she was sick. Not to Ashlyn’s surprise, her colonel had guessed what really happened.

“I think she is, too, sir. Thank you for...understanding.”

Ramos glances at her. “We all get it, Harris. We’ve all had the week that shit caught up to us. I’m just sorry you had so much to face.”

“Thank you, sir. And tell Captain Fugi I appreciate him covering my desk when my team gets back.”

Ramos grins. “He just knows you’ll owe him one now.”

Ashlyn smiles. “Definitely.”

The three officers make their way out to the parking garage to the colonel’s car. Ashlyn had planned to hop the Metro but her boss instead drives her to the drop off at Reagan. She pulls her suitcase out of the trunk and nods her thanks.

“See you Wednesday, sir.”

“Extend the team our good luck wishes,” he tells her.

“I will, sir. Thank you. Have a good afternoon, Colonel, Major.”

The men nod as Ashlyn jogs into the terminal in hopes of surprising her wife and daughter by arriving much sooner than her current 9 p.m. flight would get her there.

* * *

 

The team is gathering in the lobby to go to dinner. Ali is outside with Kirby so the dog can do his business before they leave. Her daughter is inside with her aunts enjoying a dance party courtesy of her Aunt Crystal. And the team has to admit: the little girl has got some good moves!

“You go, Mallie!” Kelley says as she dances in front of the little girl.

Crystal, Christen, Mallory Pugh, and Tobin are also dancing, making the others on the team laugh. And then they really start to laugh as someone starts to boogie behind Malak.

“Hey, Mallie, who’s your new dance partner?” Crystal asks.

Malak looks at her in confusion. “Mal’ry,” she answers.

Crystal chuckles. “Not Mallory. I mean the weirdo behind you.”

Mallie turns around and her eyes get wide. “MAMA!”

Ashlyn had walked into the hotel and seen the dance off. She set her suitcase and briefcase down then snuck up behind her daughter. She started doing the Running Man, the Sprinkler, and, of course, the White Man’s Overbite. The team was laughing at her antics and the fact that Malak had no idea she was there.

Ashlyn opens her arms. “Mal Bear!”

She scoops her girl up in her arms and hugs her tightly. Mal hugs her just as hard. Ashlyn takes a settling breath. Yes, it is a damn good thing the U.S. Army sent the Corps of Engineers to Iraq. A damn good thing.

“I’ve missed you, Mama.”

“I missed you, too, Mal Bear. So much.” She kisses her daughter’s cheek. “Where’s Mommy?”

“Her helping Kirby pee and poop.”

Ashlyn chuckles wondering what kind of “help” her wife would have to give the dog. “Uh, hope that just means she’s walking him.”

“That’s what it meant,” Ali confirms from behind.

Ashlyn spins around and pulls her wife into the hug. “Hey, Baby.”

Ali hugs her tightly, unable to stop getting a little teary knowing what her wife had gone through over the past few days. Ashlyn senses the emotional upheaval and pulls her closer. She kisses her temple.

“I’m okay, honey. I swear,” she whispers.

“I know. Just...I love you,” Ali croaks.

“I love you, too.”

“Mommy? Why you crying?” Malak asks.

Ali wipes her cheeks. “Because, uh, Kirby had a really stinky poop.”

Malak wrinkles her nose. “Oh. Good reason.”

Ashlyn and Ali chuckle as Ash sets her girl down. Jill walks up and gives Ashlyn a quick hug.

“You’re early.”

Ali grins. “I was about to point that out.”

“Got time off for good behaviour,” Ashlyn jokes.

“You’re welcome to join us for dinner,” Jill invites.

Malak jumps for joy. Ashlyn looks at her wife who nods. She then looks back to the coach. “Sounds good. I just need to take my bags up to the room. I could meet you all there if you like,” she offers.

“Nonsense. We can wait,” Jill replies.

“Yeah, I have to take Kirby up, too,” Ali points out.

“Well then, let’s get up there and you,” Ash pats Mallie on the nose, “can keep dancing until we get back.”

Malak throws her arms in the air. “YES!”

Her mothers chuckle. Ash grabs her bags and meets her wife at the elevator. When they get on, Ali runs her hands down Ashlyn’s chest.

“God, you look so damn hot in your dress uniform.”

Ashlyn smiles. “You look hot in yours, too. Too bad I have to wait until tomorrow to see it.”

The two just smile. When they get to their room, Ali pushes Ashlyn against the wall and gives her the kiss she couldn’t in the lobby. When it ends, Ashlyn’s eyes are hazy with lust.

“Damn, baby.”

Ali strokes her cheek. “I am so sorry I wasn’t there for you but I am so damn happy you are feeling better. And so proud you called Lori for help. You are a hero to me, Ashlyn, for all you have faced and overcome in your life. I am so, so happy to be your wife. I love you so much.”

Ashlyn pulls her close. “I don’t think I realized how much I needed to break. I guess...it was probably good I had time alone with my thoughts. I am sorry I scared you and sorry I had to avoid you and Mallie one day. I just...I had to...I...” her voice trails off as she can’t find the words to explain.

“I understand, honey. Anything you need, even if it’s time away from me, I understand. I just want you to keep getting better. That’s all I care about,” Ali assures the love of her life.

Ashlyn smiles and cradles her wife’s face. “Thank you. I love you. You and Mal are my top two reasons to get better. I won’t let you two down. I promise.”

Ali smiles, glad to see her wife’s eyes lighter than they had been in a long time. “I know you won’t.”

They share one more kiss then return to the lobby to join the team for dinner.

* * *

 

As the team walks into the restaurant, Ashlyn links her arms through those of Alex and Christen.

“Ladies, I got the run down from Lori on everything you all did to help Alex and Malak. I just want to thank you for looking out for her when I was...well...you know...”

Both forwards lean over and kiss a cheek of the soldier. “You don’t have to thank us, Ash,” Alex tells her.

“Yeah, she’d have done the same for one of us,” Christen adds. “We’re just glad you’re okay.”

“Definitely getting better,” Ash assures them. “I just...finally had the breakdown I had been warned I’d have. I can’t even imagine what my shrink bill will be this month,” she jokes.

“Well, I am sure Ali will pay it no matter what. And if she doesn’t, you’ve got a whole team of women who have your back and will pass the hat if needed,” Alex replies.

Ashlyn chuckles. “I don’t think it will come to that. I hope,” she adds with a wink.

“Well, just know whatever you need from us, we got your back and the backs of your wife and daughter, too,” Christen assures her.

Ashlyn kisses both girls on the cheek. “Of that I have no doubt.”

“Mama! You sit here!” Malak calls.

Ashlyn smiles and walks over to her daughter. She slips off her uniform blazer and hangs it on the back of the chair before sitting. Becky runs a hand over the medals and ribbon board.

“Very pretty. But please stop adding things to it,” she jokes.

Ashlyn chuckles. “I swear I’m not trying. It’s getting dang heavy!”

Ashlyn turns and looks over Malak’s head to her wife. She gives her a wink as Malak holds up a menu.

“Mama, do they gots corn dogs?”

“Well, I don’t know. Let’s check it out, Mal Bear.”

Ali watches as her wife helps her daughter find the children’s menu and pick out a perfect dinner. She sighs happily and turns her attention to her own menu, happy beyond words that her wife is back in her sight.

“Well, no corn dogs BUT they do have mac and cheese,” Ashlyn points out.

“Like Great Grammy’s or like Mommy’s?” Malak asks.

“Well, I doubt anyone can make it as good as Great Grandma or Mommy but it’s probably pretty good. You can get that with a hot dog. How does that sound?”

“No pizza?”

“Sorry, Squirt, no pizza.”

“Um’kay. Then hot dog and mac’um’cheese.”

Ashlyn smiles. “Sounds perfect.”

“What you getting, Mama?”

“Well, let’s see. Probably a steak and baked potato with a salad,” she replies.

“Can I have a bite?”

“Of what?”

“All,” she answers with a shrug. To her the answer was obvious.

Ashlyn smiles and kisses her on the head. “Yep, you can.”

After dinner, the team walks out to get the vans back to the hotel. Ashlyn is slipping on her beret when two lieutenants walk up to the door. The first one sees Ashlyn and immediately pops to attention...and the other runs right into him.

“What the hell, Franklin?” the second asks.

Franklin brings his arm up to salute, glancing at her nametag. “Evening, Captain Harris.”

Ashlyn nods, glances at the name patches and returns the salute. “Hello, Lieutenant Franklin.” By now the second man has seen her. “Good evening, Lieutenant Mathews.”

“Evening, ma’am,” he says giving a salute.

She nods. “You gentlemen have a good evening.”

“Thank you, ma’am. You, too.”

As they get on the bus, Carli shakes her head. “That has to be so cool.”

“What?” Ashlyn asks.

“Having people run over each other to salute you. So cool.”

“Yeah, I guess it is,” Ashlyn replies. “Too bad you don’t know what it’s like to have people fawning over you.” She pats her on the shoulder. “But keep at this soccer thing, Carls, and you might get a bit of recognition like that.”

Everyone who hears laughs as Carli blushes, not having considered the similarities between the two types of recognition. Ashlyn slides into the seat in front of her wife and daughter, offering a hand to her seatmate.

“Hi, I’m Ashlyn. You’re doing great, Mallory.”

Mallory Pugh blushes. “Thanks, Ashlyn. It’s been great! Your wife has been really nice to me even when she’s trying to keep me from scoring in practice.”

Ashlyn chuckles. “She’s just softening you up. Watch her, though, she’s tricky.”

Mallory grins. “Yeah, she can be.”

“And I know Crystal is happy to have you on the team. Someone other than my daughter finally makes her feel tall.”

Those around bust out laughing.

“I HEARD THAT, SOLDIER GIRL!” Crystal calls out.

Ashlyn turns and gives her a wink. Ali is THRILLED. She hadn’t realized how much of her wife’s impish side had been missing since she got back from Iraq. But just these few hours around the team the brunette sees her blonde is more herself than she has been in a long, long time.

“I missed you, baby,” Ali whispers as she listens to her wife continue to joke around with the members of the team.

* * *

 

Ashlyn sits beside her sleeping daughter. She strokes a hand over the girl’s head, her mind on some of the questions that were asked of her that morning on Capitol Hill. She feels hands start to massage her shoulders.

“What’s going on in that pretty head, Ash?”

Ashlyn brings a hand up to hold one of her wife’s. “At that committee meeting this morning they asked if there were any good reasons to keep sending troops and supplies to Iraq to rebuild. If someone before me had said no she wouldn’t be here.”

Ali steps closer and wraps her arms around Ashlyn’s neck. “I can’t even imagine our lives without her. And it makes me ill to think about her growing up there knowing her future would be so horrible.”

“Yeah. I have to admit, when I told them that yes we needed to keep going, even though I pointed out the greater good of our actions, Malak was all I could think about.” She glances up at her wife. “I am so, so happy she’s our little girl now. Thank you for having such a big heart, Alex.”

Ali leans down and kisses her wife. “Thank you for having a big heart, too. You’re the one that got her in the door. I’m just the one that planned to bar the door if someone tried to take her back out.”

Ashlyn chuckles as they kiss again. The blonde then turns back to the bed and the two watch their little girl sleep a little longer. Finally Ash leans over and kisses Malak on the head. She then stands and pulls her wife into a hug.

“So...do we talk now or tomorrow about...everything?”

Ali squeezes her wife around the waist. “Now. I need to...to hear it all from you. Is that okay?”

“It’s fine, honey. Let’s get ready for bed and I’ll tell you everything and answer any questions you have.”

Twenty minutes later, Ali crawls into bed and snuggles up to her wife. Ashlyn takes a deep breath and tells Ali everything that happened from the time she got home from the airport until the following Monday when she woke up after having slept alone in the house for the first time without having any anxiety issues. By the time she is done, Ali is crying.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”

Ashlyn takes her chin and tilts her head up to look into her eyes. “Don’t you see, baby? You had to be gone for this to happen. Fuck, if I’d realized how much I needed this complete breakdown and how to make it happen, I’d have gotten you a hotel room weeks ago.”

Ali stares into her eyes. “You...really mean that, don’t you?”

Ashlyn nods. “Yeah. The thought of being alone took me back to that basement. I was alone but knew the Army was out there somewhere looking for me. At our house, I was alone and knew you and our support group were out there for me. Once I completely cracked, they swooped in to pick up the pieces, just like Rangers swooping in to save me from that basement. It was being alone that made me really face what the hell was haunting my dreams.”

Ali snuggles in again, tucking her head under Ashlyn’s chin. “So...you’re okay then?”

“I’m not okay, like completely healed, okay. But I’m better. As Dr. Westfallen said, I’ve been shattered down to the foundation and am now rebuilding. I’ve got a ways to go before I declare myself done with the nightmares from that place but I think from this point forward I’ll handle them better than I have been.” She swallows hard. “I am pretty sure I know the answer to this but...will you want to watch the...you know...?”

Ali nods. “Yes. I need to know what they did to you, Ashlyn. When you have nightmares, I need to know what was real and what is your mind fucking with you. That’s the only way I can help you.”

“Okay.” She kisses Ali’s temple. “Thank you.”

She takes a deep breath. “And then I can stop...imagining what they did. Maybe then my nightmares will end, too.”

Ashlyn pulls her closer. “I am so sorry, baby. I wish...wish I could do something to make you forget them, even if just for a night.”

The two lay in silence for a few minutes. Finally Ali sighs.

“I should have said yes to Crystal and Tobin when they offered to take Malak and Kirby tonight.”

Ashlyn grins. “Really? What happened to no nookie before a game?”

“Dumb rule,” Ali admits. “And it has never been harder to follow than tonight. I want... _need_   to feel you. I want to taste you and hear you scream my name.”

Ashlyn’s clit springs to life and she groans. “You are killing me, Alex. I’m going to be walking with a throbbing clit all day tomorrow.”

Ali smiles and kisses her wife’s chin. “Bet I can get them to take them to breakfast.”

Ashlyn chuckles. “Damn, I hope so.”

The two share a kiss, barely controlling the hormones raging within them. As it ends, Ashlyn sighs.

“So...breakfast is at 4:30 a.m., right?”

Ali laughs. “Sorry, soldier, you’re not in the Army right now.”

“Ugh. Damn.”

Ali cuddles closer. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Sweet dreams, baby.”

“Hopefully,” Ashlyn concedes as they close their eyes and try to get to sleep...both with throbbing clits.

* * *

 

Ashlyn feels someone poking her cheek. She opens one eye. “What’s up, Mal?” she croaks.

“Kirby gotta go potty,” the little girl answers.

Ashlyn opens her other eye and can’t help but smile. The little dog is on his hind legs against the bed right bedside his little person. They are too cute. She eases the covers back and stands. Malak immediately takes her place in the bed, snuggling up to Ali. Ashlyn tucks her in and looks at the pup.

“Guess it’s just you and me, Kirbster.”

She pulls on her sneakers and glances at the clock. Since it’s just after 7 a.m. she grabs Ali’s sweatshirt and pulls that on over her tee. Clipping Kirby’s lead she heads out with him for his morning walk. As they get out to the dog walk area, she sees Carli Lloyd disappearing in the distance on her morning run.

“Well hell, Kirb, we should have had Carli pick you up,” she jokes.

Kirby makes it a point to sniff every single blade of grass, all rocks, 2 trees and a bench before he finishes peeing. Ashlyn glares at him.

“Gee, sure you didn’t miss anything, Muttley?” He just grins up at her. She rolls her eyes. “Malak gives me the same look. You’re both menaces to my sanity. You’re lucky you’re cute.”

She starts back into the hotel, hoping to crawl back in bed for a few more minutes. As she walks in she hears her name called.

“ASHLYN!”

She turns and smiles as a former Flash teammate runs towards her. “SINC!”

The two embrace in the lobby. After a second, Christine Sinclair eases back and stares into her former keeper’s eyes.

“Damn, Ash...what happened to you...I’m so glad you’re okay.”

Ash smiles. “Me, too. It was just...bad luck that day. Well, those 3 days.”

“Still. Like the rest of the world, I was on the edge of my seat just praying for you. I am so, so happy to see you.”

“It’s good to see you, too. I’d hoped to see you in Canada last summer. I really thought you guys would make the final,” Ash says sincerely.

Sincy shrugs. “Me, too. It just...wasn’t meant to be, I guess.”

“Next time,” Ash states.

Sincy chuckles. “You DO know how old I am, right?”

Ashlyn chuckles. “You’re young at heart, Sinc. Trust that.”

The two embrace again. It ends when someone gives a wolf whistle. They turn and Ash starts to laugh.

“Revenge?”

Diana Matheson laughs. “Of course!”

She runs over and Ashlyn gives her a big hug, actually lifting her up and spinning her around. “Good to see you, DMath.”

“You, too, Harris. So damn good to see you.”

Ashlyn sets her wife’s Spirit teammate down. “It’s good to be seen.”

“So you here for both games?” she asks.

“Yep. Hopefully I’ll be in the stands cheering against you guys on Sunday,” Ash replies with a grin.

Sincy slaps her on the shoulder. “Wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m just glad you’re here to comfort your wife when she has to take a silver medal home.”

Ashlyn grins. “We’ll see, old friend. We’ll see.”

Ashlyn hugs the Canadians again and makes her way back up to her room. Any plans for more sleep are cancelled when she hears her wife and daughter chatting in the bed. She still lays down with them.

“So what’s the plan for today?”

“WIN!” Malak exclaims, throwing her arms in the air.

Ashlyn laughs and pulls her into a hug. “Best plan ever.”

Ali chuckles, knowing her wife had meant what they would do pre-game. But as far as she is concerned, they could spend the day right where they are just enjoying family time together.

* * *

 

Malak’s eyes get wide when she sees all the people at the stadium. Kirby immediately cuddles up to her leg and Ashlyn drops to a knee when she feels the little girl shiver.

“All good, Mal?”

“There’s more than before,” she whispers.

“I know. But you’ve got me and Kirby and soon we’ll be in the suite for the families, okay?” Ashlyn says softly.

Malak just shakes her head. Ashlyn walks them over near a wall and sits down, letting Malak crawl into her lap.

“We’ll just sit here a few minutes, okay? Let me know when you’re ready to go inside.”

Malak just nods. Kirby squeezes onto Ashlyn’s lap, his head nuzzled into his little charge’s neck to help calm her. After several minutes Malak takes a deep breath.

“I think...I’m ’kay now,” she whispers.

“Alright. Want to walk with Kirby or have me carry you?” Ashlyn asks.

Malak carefully looks around. Kirby nuzzles her again. Malak looks at her mama.

“Walk first. But maybe carry?”

Ashlyn smiles. “That’s my brave girl. Let’s go, Squirt.”

They stand and make their way through the crowds to the entrance for special guests. Malak stays close to Ashlyn’s leg and Kirby is practically glued to Malak’s leg. Ashlyn can’t help but love the little dog more than ever, seeing how attuned he is to her daughter’s need.

“ _Really owe Whit more than I can ever repay her_ ,” she thinks to herself.

They get a little ways into the stadium and someone recognizes them. Soon, several people are walking over to say hello and it is more than Malak can take. She turns and buries her face in Ashlyn’s leg. Ashlyn lifts her daughter up and nods to the fans.

“Hey, guys. Thanks for the support and we hope you enjoy the game but Mal is a little overwhelmed,” she explains.

“Okay. Tell Ali we love her!” one girl says.

Ashlyn smiles. “I will. Cheer hard for her.”

“We will! And I’m a keeper and I love watching you win the WPS Championship on YouTube!” another gushes.

Ashlyn blushes. “Thanks. That was a heck of a day and a great team. Good luck to you.”

She holds Malak tightly as she makes her way to the press area. A security guard sees her and stops her.

“Special passes only, ma’am.”

“I know. Mal, honey, let me get to my family pass,” Ashlyn says, easing Mal back enough to pull the lanyard out.

“Ah, very good. Enjoy the game,” he says, allowing them into the hallway.

Once inside, Ashlyn hurries to the room listed for the US Team families. Once inside she nods to the few people already gathered and goes to a corner, sliding down the wall so Kirby can help her with Malak. He crawls onto her lap and nuzzles his person, trying to make the little girl feel better.

“Okay, Mal, we’re fine now. We’re in the family box and the only people in here are people you know.” She smiles at one special guest. “Including a special surprise for you.”

A hand runs down Malak’s back. “How’s my favorite granddaughter.”

Malak looks up and smiles. “Gramma!”

Deb grins. “You okay, Mallie?”

Malak sighs. “Too many people. It was so loud, Gramma.”

“I know, honey. But you’re fine now, right?”

“Ah huh. Mama and Kirby helped.”

“I’m glad they did. Can I get a hug?”

Malak eases away from Ashlyn and gives her grandmother a hug and kiss. But she is not quite ready to leave the safety of her mother’s arms so Deb doesn’t push her.

“Want a drink and a cookie?”

Malak smiles. “Yes, please.”

Deb pats Ashlyn’s knee and goes to get a treat for her granddaughter. Malak lays her head back down on Ashlyn’s shoulder.

“I love you, Mama. Thank you for making me safe.”

Ashlyn’s heart skips a happy beat. She hugs Malak tighter and kisses her on the head. “I hope I can always make you safe, Mal Bear. Always. I love you, too.”

After her drink and her cookie, Malak is calm enough to go with Deb to watch the warmups from the safety of the families’ box. Ashlyn smiles and watches them from the back with Kirby. She pats the pup on the head.

“Good work today, Kirbster. Really good work.”

The dog keeps his eyes on Malak just in case she needs him again.

* * *

 

Ashlyn lifts her hand and gets a high five from her daughter. “How’d Mommy do, Mal Bear?”

“Her was the BEST!” Malak praises from the safety of her grandma’s arms.

“Yep, she was!” Deb agrees. She glances at Ashlyn. “I always figured you’d be my daughter’s only unconditional fan.”

“Who you daughter?” Malak asks.

Deb chuckles. “Your Mommy is my daughter.”

Malak looks at her in confusion then looks at Ashlyn. “Her is?”

Ashlyn grins. “Yep, Squirt, she is. The mommy of Princess Ali is Queen Deb Deb.”

Malak’s eyes get wide as she looks at Deb. “You a queen?” she asks in astonishment.

“Of my own little world,” Deb answers with a smile.

“Cool!” Malak says in awe.

Ashlyn rolls her eyes. “So much royalty around and I’m just a little soldier.”

Deb grins. “But a good soldier, Ash. Don’t doubt that.”

“I don’t,” Ashlyn assures her.

She steps to the big window and glances out at the stadium. She looks at Deb and nods. They had hung back hoping most people would be gone before they made their way to the pick-up area for the hotel shuttle. Deb sets Malak down and the little girl picks up Kirby’s leash. She extends her left arm to Deb, who happily takes it so they can walk out of the box. Ashlyn follows behind, smiling as Malak starts to ask questions about the best parts of being a queen. Deb just smiles and answers to the best of her imagination.

Once they get outside, Ashlyn moves around so she is in front, in case she sees anything that could make Malak nervous. She chuckles when she sees the mass of people down near the team buses and is happy they are heading in another direction. She feels a hand linking into her arm and turns to smile. She pats the woman’s hand.

“Hi, Mrs. Morgan. How are you?”

“Ashlyn Harris, are you ever going to call me by my name?” Pam Morgan asks with a smile.

Ashlyn blushes. “I’ll try. Let’s see, how are you, Pah- - Pah- -Pah...dang, just can’t seem to do it, Mrs. Morgan,” she says with a sly grin.

Pam slaps her lightly on the arm. “Smart aleck.”

“Yes, ma’am. Always and forever. Looks like Alex has really put her injuries behind her,” Ash notes.

“She sure has. She was so frustrated last year. This year she is determined to stay healthy and to be a real leader on the field and off.”

“Good. She’s got a heck of a future still in front of her. I’m glad she’s back on top of her game.”

“Me, too.” She glances over her shoulder. “Malak is looking so good. Has Kirby helped?”

Ashlyn smiles and glances over at her daughter. “Definitely.” She looks back to Pam. “I can never thank Whit enough for coming up with the idea for him and working with Ali and Malak’s doctor to find the right dog for Mal.”

“Excellent. And how are you doing? All healed up after...well, you know...last October?” she asks hesitantly.

Ashlyn smiles and squeezes the woman’s hand. “Physically mostly okay. Still waiting for my cheek to heal completely so I can get cleared back to full duty. Mentally, to be honest, a lot better but still have a ways to go.”

Pam leans over and kisses her cheek. “You’ll make it back all the way, Ashlyn. I know you will.”

“With the help of my wife and everyone on the team, especially your daughter, I know I will. Just taking it one day at a time.”

“That’s all you can do, sweetie. That’s all you can do.”

They climb on the bus for the ride back to the hotel to await the team and the brief celebration they can have before the championship in 2 days.

* * *

 

Ashlyn is naked in the hotel bed. Ali walks out of the bathroom and makes sure her wife is looking at her before she slips the thin robe from her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. Ashlyn swallows hard. Sometimes she still can’t believe this beautiful woman is hers.

“Damn, Alex...”

Ali smiles and climbs up on the bed, straddling her wife. Ashlyn’s hands go to strong hips, rubbing and massaging them as she watches Ali’s breasts harden. Ashlyn’s visual exploration of the brunette finally reaches strong cheekbones, lust-filled eyes, and flushed cheeks.

“So fucking gorgeous,” she breathes out.

Ali smiles and leans down, her hands on either side of Ash’s head. Her hard nipples tickle the blonde’s pert breasts.

“I love you so much,” Ali says. She eases her center down on Ash’s stomach. “Feel how wet I am just thinking about making love to you.”

Ashlyn moans, the warm heat making her own center start to throb. “Fuck, Alex. Oh, yes, baby. I need you so badly.”

Ali leans closer. “You’ll have me,” she whispers against lush lips.

They come together in a passionate kiss. Ali presses down against her wife, her whole body now taking possession of the woman below her. Ash starts to roll them but Ali stops her. She needs to be in control. She needs to care for her wife. She needs to show Ashlyn she does not walk alone in this world.

And Ashlyn nearly cries when she realizes why her wife demands control.

“Oh, Alex,” she whispers emotionally as Ali kisses her way to Ashlyn’s ear.

“I love you, Ashlyn Michelle Harris. I will always love you and I will always do whatever it takes to help you feel better. Always,” she vows.

Ashlyn feels a tear slip down her cheek. She understands that this promise includes giving Ashlyn space when needed. Ali fully accepts that she had to be gone for Ashlyn to breakdown enough to truly start to heal.

“I fucking love you so much, Alex,” Ash sobs, unable to stop the wave of emotions washing over her.

Ali sits up and sees the look in her wife’s eyes. Suddenly her lust takes a back seat to what she sees her wife needs right at that moment. She slips off and opens her arms. Ashlyn curls into her, her sobs shaking both of them. Ali runs a hand over Ashlyn’s head as another strokes her calmingly up and down her back.

“I’ve got you, Ash. Always, baby. Whatever you need, whenever you need it: that is my promise to you.”

“I...I know. I just...I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m crying. I’m- -”

“Stop it. Right now. Cry if you have to cry, baby.” She kisses Ashlyn’s forehead. “I love you so much and that isn’t changing. Cry with me, Ash. Let me help you heal. Watch as I hold you as I promised I would. Cry if you need to. I will love you through the tears.”

“But...wanted to make...love to you,” Ash sputters.

Ali smiles and hugs her closer. “This shows our love, too. This reminds us we can be strong for each other through all of life’s ups and downs. Cry if you need to and then we can either sleep or we can make love. For now...just let it all out, baby. Let it all out.”

And by the time Ashlyn finally cries it all out, she is asleep in her wife’s arms. Ali just holds her wife closely and hopes this helps add a little more cement to that emotional foundation that is being rebuilt.

“I love you, my soldier. And I will do my damnedest to help you rebuild stronger than ever. I swear,” she vows to the sleeping blonde in her arms.


	9. Chapter 9

Ashlyn is having a wonderfully incredible dream. Identical twin Ali Krieger’s are pleasuring her. Her hand is tangled in the hair of one who is between her legs, driving her slowly to orgasm with a talented tongue. The second is playing with the blonde’s nipples. Squeezing and sucking them to hard peaks.

“Mmmmm...oh, fuck, Alex...” she mumbles in her sleep.

Ali grins and continues to work her wife’s center with her mouth as her hands play with excited breasts.

Slowly Ashlyn starts to wake. A satisfied grin is on her face. And as she starts to register that she is waking she realizes that the dream is no dream at all. She lifts her head and looks down into smug brown eyes.

“Oh, Alex...”

She groans and arches up as Ali’s tongue delves in deeper. She bends her knees, giving her wife full access. Her nipples tingle with glee as Ali’s strong hands work them, alternating the way she plays with them. Ashlyn’s hips begin to thrust of their own accord. Her body is aflame and there is no way in hell she needs the help of the fire department.

And then she pictures her wife dressed as a firefighter and is turned on further by the thought.

“FUCK! OH, ALEX!”

Ali grins, wondering what her wife had thought that added to what she is doing. She slides one hand down toned abs and through neatly trimmed curls. Her mouth latches onto the hard pearl between strong legs as she thrusts three fingers in hard and deep.

“ALEX!”

Ali speeds up her ministrations. Her wife is coming undone and Ali wants to fly her over the edge. Sensing how close she is, she sucks harder and flicks her tongue against the throbbing clit while driving her fingers in harder and deeper. Soon Ashlyn is screaming her way through a hell of an orgasm as their bed bounces rhythmically against the wall.

After her final arch, Ashlyn collapses like a jelly fish in the bed. Ali, pretty damn pleased with herself, kisses her way up the strong body below her and settles on top of Ashlyn. She smiles as she leans down and kisses Ash, who moans when she tastes herself on her wife’s lips.

“Good morning,” Ali greets with a smile.

“Best. Morning. Ever,” Ashlyn praises.

Ali giggles and cuddles up to her wife. “What were you dreaming, baby? Your...moans...woke me.”

Ashlyn grins and chuckles. “You’ll think I’m a pervert.”

“Already think that,” Ali teases.

Ashlyn chuckles again and kisses her wife’s temple. “Twin yous were doing me. And I awoke to you being quite masterful on your own.”

Ali grins. “Ah, so your dreams were inspired by real life.”

“Seems like it. Though I guess the you and you in my dream were already playing me like a violin when you-you joined in.”

“True. Glad I am more creative in real life since it takes 2 of me in a dream.”

The women smile and Ashlyn pulls her wife closer, lifting the brunettes chin to kiss her again. “You are more than enough for me, Alex. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.” She pauses. “So, uh, are you okay? After last night?”

Ashlyn grins. “I should be asking you that, baby.”

“I’m fine if you’re fine, Ashlyn.” She caresses her cheek. “All I want in this world is to erase all those bad memories from your mind. But what I will settle for is you being better working through them so they don’t overwhelm you.”

Ashlyn entwines their fingers together. “I’m rebuilding my psyche, Alex. And last night was a huge step in that direction. Thank you for supporting me and loving me and being what I need you to be when I need you to be there. I wanted so much to make love to you last night. And I know you wanted that, too. Thank you for loving me enough to see what I needed even more than sex was to be vulnerable with you and being willing to give it to me. I love you.”

Ali smiles. “May I always see what you really need when our libidos are fighting for attention. I love you, too.”

They share a kiss and Ashlyn rolls, placing her wife below her. Soon, their bed is rocking again as Ali is given a proper good morning roll in the hay.

* * *

 

Next door Crystal sits up as the wall thumps start again. “Are you freaking kidding me?”

Tobin moans and covers her head with another pillow. “Are they really still going at it?”

Crystal flops back on her own bed and pulls the covers over her head. “Ali better not say one damn word about being tired if those two did the bumping uglies all night long. Especially after this noisy session to start the day.”

“No, shit,” Tobin agrees. “Good thing Malak stayed with Deb last night and not us. She’d be scarred for life.”

“Agreed. Geez,” Crystal grumbles as she fights to try to get back to sleep for 30 more minutes.

* * *

 

As Ali and Ashlyn step off the elevator, they exchange a quick peck. “See you after recovery?” Ali confirms.

“It’s a date, baby,” Ashlyn promises.

Ali smiles and heads towards the team breakfast as Ashlyn makes her way to the hotel diner for breakfast with Malak and Deb. Ali puts her bag beside the others and goes to the buffet line. She sees Tobin, who just glares at her. The defender stops in her tracks.

“Uh, what?”

“You should know,” Tobin grumbles.

Ali’s shoulders slump. “Damn.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m so sorry, Tobin.”

“You should be. Have a little respect, would you?” she states.

“Respect? I thought we were being courteous. Look, she can stay with you guys Sunday night after the championship, okay?”

Tobin looks at her in shock. “Say what?”

“Malak. She can stay with you guys Sunday. With only one day between games I thought you all would prefer to not have her keeping you awake last night that’s why I made her stay with Mom instead.”

Tobin stares at Ali in silence.

“What?” Ali finally says.

Tobin realizes the defender really has no clue. She grins and starts to giggle. “Not about Malak, Kriegs. But you might want to check your hotel room wall for divots before you check out.”

“Divots? What are you- -” her words break off and her eyes widen. Her face gets red. “Oh. My. God. You heard us this morning?” she hisses.

Tobin starts to giggle. “Yep. All 3 times. Crystal finally gave up trying to sleep and took a shower. I had four pillows on my head. I’m not sure I slept so much as passed out from lack of oxygen.”

Ali’s face is in her hands. “Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I am so, so sorry. Last night was kinda bad and we ended up talking and so this morning I wanted to make sure she knows that despite the bad shit I will be beside her forever and we just...just...”

Tobin sees that Ali is more than embarrassed. She is distressed. She steps to her and pulls her into a hug. “Hey, it’s alright. We were just going to give you a hard time. And maybe suggest putting the comforter between the bedframe and wall. Is everything okay?”

Ali sighs and relaxes a little. “It is now.” She sighs. “Last night we started to...you know...but instead started talking about what happened last week and about the video of what happened to her over there and how Ash is healing. I ended up just holding her until she cried herself to sleep. We’re better, don’t get me wrong, but last night was necessary in a way that I don’t think we knew until it happened. Crap, I am rambling. Do you get what I mean?”

Tobin smiles and nods. “I get it. I’m glad you guys talked. And hopefully making love this morning was a catharsis for you, too. Even if it did cause us to lose a little sleep next door.”

Ali smiles and hugs her again. “Thanks, Tobes. I owe you and Crystal.”

“You owe me nothing. I’m just glad Ash has you and Malak to help her heal.”

“Thanks. Come on. I’ll treat you to breakfast,” she jokes as she hands Tobin a plate.

Tobin chuckles. “Your generosity is inspiring.”

And to further prove what a great friend she is, Tobin intercepts Crystal before she can throttle Ali and explains the situation. Crystal gives Ali a hug and says all is forgiven...but she better get a dance party with Malak to really make things right. Ali smiles and promises it will happen Sunday night.

* * *

 

“So, big plans for today, Deb Deb?” Ashlyn asks as they enjoy breakfast.

Deb smiles at her granddaughter. “I don’t know. What would you like to do, Malak?”

Malak shrugs. “I dunnoe. What you doing, Mama?”

Ashlyn smiles. “Well, after breakfast I’m going to go workout. Maybe you can show Grandma your newest colouring books,” she suggests.

“No! I wanna help you, Mama! You say you does better when I help!” Malak insists excitedly.

Ashlyn’s heart skips a happy beat. “That’s sweet, Mal Bear. But Grandma will be going home on Tuesday to Florida while we go home to D.C. You sure you wouldn’t want to spend time with her?”

Malak shakes her head. “Not until I helps you, Mama. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease!”

Any chance that Ash might have said no is lost when brown eyes are wide and pleading. She glances at Deb, who is just smiling at the little girl. Ash just shakes her head in amused resignation.

“Then I would be happy to have you help me, Mal Bear.”

“Yay!” Malak looks at Deb. “I gotta help Mama and then maybe we can do Spirit nails for the game?”

Deb leans over and kisses her on the head. “That sounds like a perfect plan to me.”

Malak smiles and digs back into her chocolate chip pancakes. Ashlyn pats her on the arm affectionately and starts back on her breakfast. Deb turns from watching her granddaughter and looks at her daughter-in-law.

“I can never thank you enough,” she says softly.

Ashlyn smiles and nods, knowing Deb is thanking her for bringing Malak into their family. It is something everyone has been thankful for pretty much from the day the little girl set foot in the house in Dumfries.

When they finish their meal, Ashlyn and Malak make their way to the hotel gym. Deb takes Kirby for a walk and happens to walk back in as the team starts to gather to leave. Ali smiles at her mom.

“Ah, looks like Granny Deb is on poop duty,” she teases.

Deb smiles. “Luckily it was just pee this time.”

“Where are Ash and Mal?”

“Working out. Malak insisted she had to help and the look she gave Ashlyn was too much for a mother to refuse,” Deb explains.

Ali’s smile broadens. “Did Ash mention to you what ‘helping’ entails?”

Deb shakes her head. “No. Why?”

“Because it might just be the cutest work out in the world.” Ali glances at her watch. “We’ve got a few minutes. Come on.” She taps Crystal on the shoulder. “Mallie’s helping Ash work out.”

“Finally! I thought I’d never get to see this!” the forward exclaims happily.

The trio walks down the hall and looks through the glass window in the door. After a second, Deb and Crystal both react.

“Awwwww!” they both coo.

“I know, right?” Ali agrees.

Malak is standing on Ashlyn’s feet. She leans against her mother’s knees, her arms wrapped around strong thighs. And each time Ashlyn does a sit up, the two give each other a BIG kiss, making sure to say, “Mwah” each time. There is no denying the happy light in either ones’ eyes at this bonding time. After a few minutes, Ash tells Malak to hop off.

“Okay! Push-ups now, right, Mama?”

“That’s right. You’re gonna count for me, right?”

“Yeah. But I still can’t do more than eleven, Mama,” Malak reminds her.

“I know, Squirt. We’ll start working on the next numbers soon, okay?”

“Um’kay, Mama.”

Ashlyn gets into position to do pushups...and Malak lies down on her back, her head resting on Ash’s neck, her arms draped over Ashlyn’s broad shoulders.

“No way...” Crystal whispers.

“Yes way,” Ali confirms proudly.

They watch as Ashlyn starts doing push-ups with her daughter stretched out on her back. Malak happily counts to eleven and then starts over again. Ashlyn doesn’t even appear to be burdened by the extra weight.

“Damn, Kriegs,” Crystal whispers.

“That is incredible!” Deb says. “Both physically and for the mothering aspect. Just incredible!”

Ali nods. “I know. Well, Mom, we have to go. See you later today.”

“You bet.” She gives her daughter a hug and kiss.

Ali and Crystal head back towards the lobby. Deb just watches the two in the work out room, loving the way they interact and how Ashlyn adjusts what she is doing to make Malak feel like she is being a big helper.

“You are an amazing mother, Ashlyn Harris. I hope you know that,” she whispers as she continues to enjoy the interactions.

* * *

 

Deb brushes a lock of hair off Malak’s forehead and gives that spot a kiss. She grins when she sees the sleeping little girl smile slightly and cuddle closer to Kirby.

“I love you, sweet girl,” Deb whispers, tucking her in and then walking over to the table that Ashlyn is cleaning. “Get it all?”

“Yep,” Ashlyn confirms. “But if they charge you or something let me know and I’ll pay you back.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Deb says, waving it off.

“My daughter is the one that spilled bright red nail polish all over it so, yeah, I do,” Ash points out with a grin.

Deb shrugs. “We’ll see. I think it will be fine.”

Ashlyn tosses the last Kleenex in the trash can and sits back. “Yeah, it should be okay,” she states as she wipes her hand over the table top.

Deb notices Ashlyn is still wearing the sweatshirt she had worn to work out. She is worried her favorite daughter-in-law is trying to take dangerous shortcut to lose weight and get back into fighting form. She had seen it with plenty of student-athletes over the years. She takes a sip of her water and broaches the subject carefully.

“So, that was quite a workout you had this morning,” she starts.

“Yeah. Not as intense as they used to be but I’m getting better.”

“Almost back to the form you had before the...incident over there?”

Ash nods. “Yeah. Hopefully I’ll be cleared for duty in a few months and I need to make sure I can physically handle the job. People’s lives could depend on that.”

“True. And I guess you’ve put on a few pounds while recuperating?”

Ashlyn blushes. “Yep, I did. Hopefully I can get rid of the fat and add muscle back.”

Ashlyn is sure she is about to be encouraged to not go back into the field. After all, for 3 scary as shit days Deb, her daughter and their whole family had not known if they would ever see their soldier again. Maybe Deb thinks it is selfish to even consider a return to full duty.

“And is that why you wore your sweatshirt?

The question comes out of left field for Ash. “Huh?” she mumbles in confusion.

“The sweatshirt. Are you trying to sweat off pounds quickly instead of safely? You’re a former pro athlete, Ashlyn, and should know that is not the way to treat your body,” Deb scolds.

Ashlyn stares at the brunette a moment, then shakes her head. “Um, not why I wear the sweatshirt, Deb. But thank you for caring enough to scold me about it.”

“Then can I ask why you wear it?”

Ashlyn plays with the cuff of one sleeve as she contemplates an answer. She knows it will lead to a reveal and she is not 100% sure she is ready for that. Deb sees the fear in the hazel eyes. She reaches over and stills Ashlyn’s fidgeting fingers.

“Ashlyn?”

Ash finally looks up. “The scars, Deb,” she whispers. Deb inhales sharply. “They are big and bright red and...and...I just...don’t want people to see them,” she finishes self-consciously.

“Oh my God, Ashlyn,” Deb blurts in shame. “Oh, honey, I am so, so sorry.”

Ashlyn takes her hand. “Don’t be. Thank you for looking out for me thinking it was a crash weight loss deal or something. Someday people will have to see them. I mean, hell, summer is coming eventually. I just...can’t reveal them in public. I can’t handle the thought of the sympathetic stares.”

“I don’t blame you,” Deb states. “And some people would even be crass enough to ask what happened. I’m sorry I didn’t think of that.”

“How could you? You’ve never seen anything but what I used to look like and then the bandages.”

The two sit in silence a moment. Deb recognizes that Ash it letting her decide whether or not to see them. Like many family members, Deb only knew snippets of what Ash had been through. All had wanted to know more but wanted to make sure their soldier was ready to let them all the way in. Ashlyn lets out a slow breath.

“You can ask if you want,” she offers quietly.

Deb squeezes Ashlyn’s hand. “I need to know what they did to you, sweetie,” she finally says, tears already in her eyes.

Ashlyn just nods and takes back her hand. She grips the shirt and pulls it up and over her head. The tank top below shows Deb not only the horrible scarring on Ash’s forearms from the cuffs but also hints at the whip marks on the soldier’s back due to the few discoloured stripes on her shoulders.

“Oh, Ashlyn...oh, my poor girl,” Deb says. She runs her hand over the red marks of varying width and depth on Ashlyn’s arms.

“I’ve talked to the colonel and he is getting permission for me to cover them with tattoos as long as I pull duty on base in long sleeves and keep them clean,” Ashlyn says as her mother-in-law studies the marks.

When Deb’s finger traces over a scar where Ash’s arm meets shoulder, she glances up and looks Ash in the eyes. The question needs not be asked. Ashlyn swallows hard, stands and removes her tank. Deb’s eyes immediately go to the scars on Ash’s torso from the electrocution device and the through-and-through. Her hand goes to Ash’s side, making the woman turn.

“Oh, Ashlyn...”

Scars in various colours and depths crisscross the strong woman’s back. A few disrupt the intricate tattoo on her left side. And the horrible scar that marks the entrance wound of the bullet that lead to so many more injuries is there, too. Deb stands and turns Ashlyn around. She pulls her into a hug and cries on her shoulder.

“I am so glad you lived, Ashlyn. Yes, these scars are bad but you lived and that’s all that really matters. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Ashlyn chokes out.

“She wants to watch it, doesn’t she?” Deb asks after a few moments.

“Yeah. I told her whatever she wants and needs,” Ash promises in regards to the video of her captivity.

“Good. Then maybe she can stop having nightmares and start healing, too.”

Ashlyn just nods, so glad her wife has this strong woman to lean on when things get tough. “Thank you for being there for her.”

“Wild horses wouldn’t have kept me away. Thank you for coming home to her.”

“It was the only thing that kept me going,” Ashlyn tells her. “Alex and Malak were all I had strength to think about and I swear they are the only reason I didn’t give in to that bastard. I couldn’t let them down.”

Ashlyn glances over at the bed and the little girl sleeping soundly within it. Yes, her wife and daughter had saved her life in a way she could have never imagined. And that had increased her love and devotion to them in way that is incalculable.

* * *

 

Ashlyn wakes up at 1:30 in the morning to go to the bathroom. When she returns to the bed, she can’t help but chuckle. Her spot now contains a little girl and her dog. She shakes her head as Ali instinctively rolls towards the girl in her sleep and pulls Malak close.

“So damn cute,” Ashlyn whispers.

She lifts up Kirby and situates him closer to the end of the bed. She then crawls in and pulls her two greatest loves closer to her. With their dark hair and eyes some might think they are birth mother and child. And as Malak grows older, that bond would only make them tighter. She leans over and kisses her daughter on the head. She lets her mind wander as she stares with love at her family.

_“Do you know how much we would do for you? Do you truly understand that us being your mothers means we love you forever and ever? And that we’ll give you all we never had and more? And please know that no matter how many children join us in this family our love for you will never wane, only grow stronger. We love you so much, Malak. I can hardly remember what life felt like before you were ours. I will always fight whatever demons I face, either in real life or in my mind, to get back to you, Mal Bear.”_

She kisses Malak’s head again and then looks to her wife.

_“And do you, Alexandra Blaire Krieger-Harris, really understand what you mean to me? To our daughter? Damn, baby, your heart brought us to this moment, this...this amazing life. You have saved me from myself so many times over the years and just when I thought I was the only one that would need that from you, you opened your door and your heart to this amazing little girl. You two really are the reasons I will always fight to get back home. I can’t even begin to measure the love I have in my heart for the two of you.”_

She stretches her neck and kisses the strong arm holding their daughter. She grins when Ali smiles at the sensation in her sleep. Ashlyn just watches her two loves sleep for an hour longer, this time letting her mind wander to the future and smiling as this time she has the strength to picture other kids for her and Ali, nieces and nephews, and other family additions that she had been too weak to imagine while in hell in a dark basement in Iraq.

* * *

 

Ali wakes before her wife and daughter. She grins when she sees Malak laying on top of Ashlyn, both with smiles on their faces. Ali, herself, awoke cuddled up to them as if keeping them both safe in her arms.

_“I love you two so much. I hope you know that. I do my best to say it but I also try to show it. I know soccer takes me away a lot but every time I take the field, I carry you both in my heart. I couldn’t do what I do, couldn’t find joy in it, if it ever hurt us as a family.”_

She strokes a hand over Malak’s head and then down her wife’s strong arm.

_“I would walk away in a second if being with you two was more important. I nearly did several times but you, Ashlyn Michelle Harris, would never let me. You fought for me even when I wasn’t willing to fight for myself. And even now as you are fighting to get past what that fucking bastard did to you, here you are holding my daughter, loving me, cheering me on, and making her smile every chance you get. You are the most amazing woman in the world and I love you more every day.”_

She smiles as Malak stirs a little, then snuggles closer into Ashlyn’s neck. The captain tightens her hold on the girl, keeping her safe.

_“And you, Malak Hassani Krieger-Harris, are such a gift to me. You have reignited a spark in me that I didn’t even know had dimmed. You make soccer, home, heck, life in general better just by being here. You are so strong and brave you are an inspiration. Nothing will ever get in the way of the things you want to accomplish. Nothing. And I am so, so happy to be your mommy and so excited to see what the future brings us as a family.”_

Ali’s alarm starts to buzz and she rolls over to hit the snooze button. When she rolls back she sees her wife’s eyes struggling to open as Malak just buries her head further into Ashlyn’s neck. Ali chuckles.

“Good morning, my sweet girls,” she says.

“Umph,” Malak grunts.

Even Ashlyn, who is not a fan of mornings, has to chuckle at that assessment. Hazel eyes slowly blink open. A smile crosses her face as she comes more aware of her surroundings and she realizes she is the mattress for a 4 year old. She sighs in contentment and rolls her head to the side to stare at her wife, whose smile is dazzling in the early morning light.

“Morning,” Ashlyn greets. “Ready for game day?”

“Always,” Ali confirms. “And my girls all have their Spirit nails done. How can I be anything but ready?”

Ashlyn smiles. “That’s my right back.”

Ali is rubbing her hand up and down Malak’s back. “You know, I think she’ll be a forward. She is quick and crafty and worships the ground her Aunt Crystal walks on.”

Ashlyn chuckles and kisses the girl’s head. “I don’t know. With Tobin teaching her tricks, she could end up a middie with striking tendencies.”

Ali smiles. “Or she could end up a softball player.”

“Not if she inherited our softball abilities,” Ashlyn notes and both women giggle at that fact.

“Umph. Sleepin’!” Malak grunts.

Ali and Ash grin at each other. Ali lifts a brow. Ashlyn nods...then rolls, putting the girl between them. The mothers start to tickle the little one awake.

“NO! NO! NO, Mommy! No, Mama! NO FAIR!” Malak squeals.

But soon they are all laughing and the little girl is awake, whether she wants to be or not. Kirby doesn’t want to be left out and soon manages to burrow his way up so that he is between Ali and Malak. Ali runs a hand over his head.

“I think someone needs to go for a walk and go potty,” she notes.

“Mama?” Malak suggests with an evil grin and giggle.

Ali laughs as Ashlyn’s eyes get wide.

“Oh, someone wants another tickle attack,” Ashlyn threatens with a smile.

Malak tries to get away but is soon at the mercy of her mother. After a few seconds, Ashlyn relents and just gives the girl a hug and kiss.

“I love you, Mal Bear.”

“I love you, Ma Bear,” the little one replies. “And you, too, Mommy.”

“I love you both so much,” Ali tells her as she slides out of bed. “I’ll take Kirby for his walk. You two try to wake up some more so we can enjoy a nice breakfast, okay?”

“Um’kay, Mommy.”

As soon as Ali is out the door, Malak rolls over and looks at Ashlyn. The blonde smiles.

“Five more minutes?”

Malak nods happily and the two burrow back down into the covers...which is where Ali finds them fast asleep 15 minutes later. She rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

“I should have stolen the covers, Kirb,” she tells the dog before heading into the shower to start getting ready for breakfast.

* * *

Ashlyn steps off the hotel shuttle behind Deb, Malak and Kirby. The little girl is stiff and her eyes dart around at the crowds that had shown up for the CONCACAF Olympic Qualifying Championship match. Kirby plasters himself to her legs, his head nuzzling her hand to let her know he is there. A couple of the other family members of players see the little girl’s fear and form a bit of a barrier between her and the crowds as Ashlyn kneels down beside her.

“How about you let Grandma walk Kirby and I put you on my shoulders?”

Malak gulps hard and nods. Deb smiles and takes the pups lead. Malak climbs up on Ashlyn’s shoulders and the group makes their way to the entrance for families. Once they get through the gates and the crowds to the safety of the hall to the family private box, Ashlyn sets her daughter down. Malak sighs, staring at the ground.

“Will it ever not scare me, Mama?” she asks so weakly it nearly breaks Ashlyn’s heart.

Ash puts her finger under the little girl’s chin and makes her look up. “Malak, you and I are both healing from stuff that can make us get scared sometimes. But I promise you: eventually it will get better. You know why I know that?” Malak shakes her head. “Because eventually what we will see is that all the people around us love us and will protect us and will never, ever let something bad happen to us if they can help it.” She nods towards the others in the family box. “All those people in there? They love you and love your mommy and love me. They will protect you if I can’t be here to do so. And Kirby? Heck, Kirby will be your best friend and protector all in one. I know it’s hard to believe right now but when things get hard you remember what I told you today and remember that I would never lie to you, Malak. I promise I will never, ever lie.”

Malak wraps her arms around Ashlyn’s neck. “I love you, Mama. I just knew the first day I saw you you’d protect me.”

Ashlyn smiles, hugging her tightly. “Always, Mal Bear. Always.”

The two end their hug then go in to spend some time with Deb before the kick off. During the game Ashlyn can’t help but smile as Malak eagerly cheers Ali, Tobin, Crystal and the whole US Team on to victory as they start down their Road to Rio. As the team starts their victory lap, Malak turns in her mother’s arms.

“I wanna walk with Mommy. She sayed I can if I want.”

Ashlyn raises her eyebrows in surprise. “Um, okay. But you know we’ll have to go through the crowd and Kirby can’t go,” she warns carefully.

Malak takes a deep breath. “I know, Mama. I can do it. I can!” she insists.

Ashlyn smiles. “Then let’s make our way down there. If at any time you change your mind it’s okay. We’ll just come back up here, okay?”

“Um’kay, Mama.”

Ashlyn exchanges a look with Deb, who is smiling proudly at her brave little granddaughter. Ashlyn makes her way out into the stands and down the steps. Down on the field, Christen Press sees them approaching the railing and squeals in excitement. She spins until she spots Ali taking a selfie a little ways down the row.

“KRIEGS!” Ali looks over. Christen points the stands. “MALAK!”

Ali hands the camera back to the fan and steps away to get a better look. Her eyes light up even more than they had been and she jogs over to that section.

“Hey, guys! Can you make a path for my daughter?” she asks the fans.

The fans, testament to their good hearts, do indeed clear a path for Ashlyn and Malak. Ashlyn is smiling as Malak high fives anyone that offers a hand up. Gone is the terrified little girl from just a few hours ago. As they get to the railing, Ali and Christen reach up as Ashlyn lowers Malak over the side. Malak gives her Mommy a big hug.

“YOU WAS THE BEST, MOMMY!”

“Because I heard you cheering me on,” Ali replies.

Malak looks at Christen. “And you was good, too, Aunt Christen!”

Christen smiles and pats her on the back. “Thanks, Mal. It helps to have our number 1 fan up there for us.”

Malak smiles proudly. Ali sets her down and the two players and the little girl continue down the row signing what they can while the presentation stage and championship arch are set up. A few people even ask for Malak to join in the pics they are requesting from their favorite defender. Ali is so happy to see Malak taking it all in stride.

As the officials start to rein in the team for the medal presentations, other players see Malak and also help her enjoy the atmosphere. Crystal even starts an impromptu dance party with the little girl. Then above the noise of the crowd, Ali somehow hears her wife’s voice.

“KIRBY! NO!”

Ali turns in time to see Kirby leap out of the stands, hit the ground awkwardly, and roll. She takes off at a sprint.

“KIRBY!”

Ashlyn leaps the railing and runs for the dog who gets up limping a little. Ali and Ashlyn are nearly to him when he gives a full body shake and takes off once more, his eyes trained on his little person. Ali skids to a halt as he runs by. She ends up side by side with her wife watching as Kirby gets to Malak, who cheers in excitement.

“What the hell?” Ali asks.

Ashlyn shakes her head. “Deb was holding him and he went nuts trying to get down. She put him down in the box but the door got opened and like lightning he was out. I ran as fast as I could but I had to avoid knocking anyone down.”

They walk over and squat down with the dog. Ashlyn shakes her head.

“Boy, you are giving me grey hair,” she mutters as she picks him up and starts to feel along his legs.

“First you, now your dog. You’re wearing me out, Harris,” Tracy teases as she walks up. “I saw the jump he made. Let’s give him a look.”

“You’re not a vet,” Ashlyn points out with a smile.

“Bones is bones,” Tracy replies with a grin as she feels along his legs. He winces when she presses his right shoulder. “Hmm...” she palpitates it a bit and checks the range of motion. “Not broken or dislocated. Probably just a stinger. Keep an eye on it. If it swells or he can’t use it get him to a vet.”

Ashlyn nods. “Will do.”

“Mama? What wrong with Kirby?” Malak asks worriedly.

Ashlyn drops to a knee, still holding the pup. “Well, he wanted to make sure you were okay so he jumped out of the stands.” Malak’s eyes get wide. She knows how big that jump was. “But he’s going to be fine, Mal Bear. We’ll make sure of that, right?”

Malak nods and pets him. “I was fine, Kirby. Thanks for worrying about me. Sorry you gotted hurt.” She kisses him on the head.

“Awww,” intone the gathered players and team officials who watch the interaction.

A hand falls on Ashlyn’s shoulder. “Ma’am, put the dog down. You’re under arrest for storming the field,” a police officer says.

“NO!” Ali steps forward. “She’s my wife and she chased down our daughter’s service dog. She didn’t storm the field.”

“Yeah. She had to make sure Kirby was okay,” Hope states glaring at the man and his partner.

“Rules are rules, ma’am,” he says.

“Leave her alone, Martial. Not only is she a player’s spouse, she’s a war hero,” a higher ranking officer says, walking up.

Ashlyn blushes at the hero designation. She stands. “Look, I’m sorry I did what I did. If he hadn’t fallen so painfully I would have stayed in the stands. But he keeps my daughter from having nightmares and anxiety attacks. I couldn’t handle it if he was seriously hurt.”

The officer does not look at all sympathetic. His boss, however, nods. “Understood, Captain Harris. Let’s go, Martial.”

As they walk away, Ali runs a hand down her wife’s back. “Always the troublemaker.”

Ashlyn grins. “Why change now?” She looks at her daughter. “Want to go watch from the stands while your Mommy gets a medal?”

Malak shakes her head. “I help her.”

Ali smiles and pulls her close. “Best helper ever.”

Ashlyn sets Kirby on the ground and hands Malak his lead. “Guess he stays to so he doesn’t go stadium diving again.”

“Good call,” Hope agrees with a grin.

As Ashlyn makes her way back to the stands, Jill and Tony walk up to get the team ready for the awards. Jill smiles at her assistant when she sees Malak talking to all the players and getting them lined up in order for the medal presentation.

“Guess we need to change her pass from ‘family’ to ‘junior assistant coach’,” she jokes.

“Definitely,” he agrees with a smile.


	10. Chapter 10

Monday most members of the team board planes for their trips home. Ali, Ashlyn and Malak, however, had added an extra day in Houston to spend it with Deb. As the couple walks behind the woman and her granddaughter at the zoo, Ali runs a hand up her wife’s arm.

“What’s going on in your head, Ash?”

Ashlyn stiffens. “I told you I’m getting better. I didn’t think we needed to talk about it again for a while.”

Ali stops, making her wife pause, too. “I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about the look in your eyes since yesterday. Are you...missing the game or something? Maybe regretting your path in life?”

Ashlyn sighs and shakes her head. “No. I mean, I miss it some days more than others but that’s not what’s on my mind.” She takes a deep breath. “That cop called me a war hero. It doesn’t...feel right. Hell, I can’t explain it. Maybe I’m losing my head faster than we know,” she attempts to joke.

“Ashlyn,” Ali scolds, not falling for the deflection.

Ashlyn sighs. “I’ll never understand it, Alex. I don’t understand how I lived and Dalton died last spring. A frickin’ twist of seats changed death into a scar. I don’t understand why surviving torture makes me a hero. I didn’t give a damn about being a hero I just wanted to live. I guess I am starting to wonder...do I have it in me to stay in the Army? I love when we help communities rebuild. But what will I do when shit hits the fan? Will I lead like I have in the past? Will I second guess myself? Will I...will I run? I don’t feel like a hero, Alex. I feel like a broken tin soldier struggling to rebuild myself. How can I lead others when I can’t even lead myself?”

Ali cradles Ashlyn’s face in her hands. “Look into my eyes and hear me, Ashlyn: those questions you are asking are natural. You had two major, life-altering events happen to you in Iraq. You’ve had major shit go down on your humanitarian missions. Go fucking figure you are doubting yourself. There are two things I want you to take away from this conversation. Number 1: I think you are an amazing officer and leader and these questions you have only make you better in my eyes. You’re not just going blindly forward. You are rebuilding, yes, but you will be better than ever in the end.

“And number 2: I will always support you no matter what you do but please, please, do not make any decisions right now about your future in the Army. I never want you to wonder ‘what if’ or simply regret leaving too soon. You have a ways to go before you will feel confident enough in your health to determine where your future will take you. Make a well-informed decision, not one based on emotions you are fighting right now.

“And 3: - -”

“You said 2 things,” Ashlyn interrupts to point out.

“I lied,” Ali says bluntly. “Number 3: I love you so much, uniform or not. I love you, your daughter loves you, our family loves you. That has nothing to do with medals or ribbons or looking hot as hell in your uniform.” Ashlyn grins. “It has to do with what’s in here,” she pats Ashlyn’s heart. “And that, my love, is as strong and beautiful as ever, scars and all.”

Ashlyn fights the tears in her eyes as she pulls her wife into a strong hug. “I love you, too, Alex. Thank you for always knowing what to say to me. I won’t make decisions right now. I promise. And when I think I’m ready, we’ll talk. Okay?”

Ali smiles, hugging her a little tighter. “Okay.”

The two turn and, hand in hand, continue on after Deb and Malak to enjoy a day at one of the top 10 zoos in the country.

* * *

 

Ashlyn lays on her side, her wife spooned into her on the spare bed in Deb’s room. The other bed holds the woman cuddling her exhausted granddaughter. Deb just smiles down at the sleeping girl, stroking a hand through her hair. The couple just watches, content to observe the love Deb has for Malak.

“She is so wonderful,” Deb says softly. “Thank you both for hanging back and giving me time with her. She has such a vibrant imagination and a wonder about everything around her. She just...just loves life so much it reminds you to appreciate the little things you take for granted.”

Ali smiles. “Yes, she does.”

Deb looks at Ashlyn. “Tell me again how she came into your life.”

Ashlyn smiles at the memory, unconsciously hugging her wife closer. “I was starting to slip into depression. I kept thinking I was alive because Dalton died. Simmons died and I never got a chance to try to help him. I was trying to decide what I had done wrong and what I should have done to save their lives and stop the injuries to my team. I have no idea how long I had been stewing when suddenly I felt a light touch on my leg.” She chuckles. “Nearly made me fall out of bed it scared me so much.” The other ladies chuckle. “I looked down and there she was, all wide eyes and bandages.”

“The poor thing,” Deb whines.

Ashlyn nods. “Yeah. So I look up to see if anyone is coming through the door. Nope. Next thing I know she’s climbing up on the bed and settling in with me.” She chuckles. “She really only wanted me for my coloured pencils and colouring books.”

“Best reason to want you,” Ali says with a sly grin.

Ashlyn grunts and gives her a peck on the cheek. “Jerk.”

“Yep,” Ali agrees with a wink to her mom.

“So, we coloured. She even made me colour things what they should be, not what my imagination came up with. Then she...after a while she just snuggled in to me and fell asleep. I watched her for a bit and at some point fell asleep, too. I kept telling myself that kids like her were why I was there: to help them, to keep them safe. And at some point it started making me feel better about things that had happened. I mean, obviously I wasn’t completely okay mentally but it was the first time since I’d gotten to the hospital I’d felt hope.”

Ali leans up and kisses Ashlyn’s chin. “I am so thankful she wandered into your room.”

“Me, too,” Deb agrees. “But out of curiosity, why didn’t you ring the bell for a nurse when Malak walked in?”

Ali giggles. “That, Mom, is the million dollar question.”

Ashlyn shrugs as she stares at her sleeping daughter. “I guess...somewhere in my heart...I knew she was meant to be my little girl. I just know all I wanted to do was protect her and help her get better. I’m not sure when that turned to wanting to adopt her.” She looks at her wife. “I kept hoping that you would spend enough time visiting her at her host family’s house that you would fall in love with her, too.”

“And that’s why you jumped at the chance to ask Dad and I to host them, right?”

“Yeah that was a lot of it. But also because there was such a limited window to get her the surgeries she needed. I knew you two would pass the background checks but I really did mean it when I said I understood if you two said no. It was asking a lot,” Ashlyn reiterates.

“Best impulse decision you ever made,” Ali praises.

“Nope, it wasn’t.” She sighs. “The best impulse decision I made was seeing a certain right back at a National Team camp and deciding I didn’t want to keep having meaningless relationships.”

“Okay, that was a pretty good one, too,” Ali agrees and they share a quick kiss.

“Oh, you two are so cute! You make me so happy,” Deb gushes.

Ali and Ash smile and snuggle back down to chat with Deb some more while Malak and Kirby continue to enjoy their afternoon naps.

* * *

 

Malak carefully steps one foot into the chamber. Ali smiles at her encouragingly. The little girl takes a deep breath and steps all the way in, Kirby being held back by Ashlyn.

“Now raise your arms up like your Mommy did,” the lady running the x-ray booth tells Malak.

Malak swallows hard and then lifts her arms. She jumps a bit when the machine scans her but not enough to ruin the image.

“Good girl!” the TSA agent praises. “Now step through and stand on the footprints.”

Malak hurries out and steps on the footprints.

“You did so good, sweet girl!” Ali praises.

Malak smiles as the TSA agent checks the scan then nods. “All is good.” She turns to Ashlyn. “Next.”

Malak hurries to Ali, who scoops her into a hug. “SO proud of you, Mallie. Let’s get your shoes on and wait for Mama and Kirby.”

“It didn’t scare me, Mommy. I mean, it did but it didn’t.”

Ali chuckles. “You were very brave, my favorite little Muggle.”

Malak smiles as Ali puts on her shoes. Then she frowns, looking beyond the defender. “What happening to Mama?”

Ali turns and frowns, seeing Ashlyn being asked to step to the side. The man wands Kirby several times and shakes his head. Ashlyn rolls her eyes and undoes the blanket and harness combo that identify the pup as a service dog. She holds Kirby in her arms while the man runs the set through the x-ray machine. Ali shakes her head. That hadn’t happened before.

“I have no idea, honey.”

She can see the irritation on her wife’s face and isn’t happy. Since she had arrived in Houston her face had gotten lighter, happier. Now, the anger is obviously starting to bubble up. The agent walks over and hands back the harness set.

“Lord help the next people through with a service dog if you’re on duty,” Ashlyn grumbles as she grabs her bag, slings it over her shoulder, then grabs her boots. “Idiot,” she mumbles as she walks over to her wife and daughter.

“Ash?”

“Mama? Is Kirby okay?”

Ashlyn tries to calm herself for the little girl’s sake. “He’s okay, baby. His harness just sent them some strange signals. Let’s get him back in it so he can do his job, okay?”

“Okay, Mama.”

Ashlyn gets him secured and then hands Malak the lead. She pats the pup on the head. “Good boy, Kirbster.”

She sits down and pulls on her boots. Ali places a hand on her shoulder.

“Honey, all is okay. Yes, he was a jerk but things are okay. And your daughter was an incredibly brave Muggle and that’s all we need to think about, okay?”

And that last statement is what it takes to get Ashlyn to really let go of her irritation. She reaches up and squeezes Ali’s hand.

“Thank you,” she whispers.

“Never have to thank me for this,” Ali assures her.

Ashlyn finishes pulling her boots on and kneels down beside Malak and Kirby. “You were so brave, little Muggle. I bet you could use a cookie.”

Malak smiles and nods excitedly. “YES!”

Ali just rolls her eyes. “Let’s head towards our gate. I am sure we can find a cookie along the way.”

The quartet sets off towards their gate, wishing Deb had been flying out of the same terminal. As expected, they find a place selling chocolate chip cookies. Even better: these were shaped and iced like Minions. Ali laughs as both her wife and daughter get excited. As they are buying them, Ali senses people around her. She looks and sees a group of girls a few feet away trying to figure out if Ali is really THE Ali Krieger-Harris. Ali smiles at them.

“Hi, gals.”

“It IS her!” one says and soon Ali is swarmed by people wanting selfies and autographs.

Safe in her Mama’s arms, Malak just rolls her eyes. “Everywhere we go,” she says with exasperation beyond her years.

Ashlyn laughs out loud and kisses her cheek. “People love your Mommy. And I can’t blame them. I love her, too.”

Malak smiles. “Me, too.”

The two make their way to the serenity of the first class lounge to await their flight call, not surprised to see airport security leading Ali in the door a few minutes later. Ali collapses down beside her wife and takes a bite of Ash’s Minion.

“Hey! I was saving Bob’s head for last!”

“Mama, that Stuart,” Malak points out.

Ashlyn looks at it and shrugs. “Still. Mommy stole his head. Mean, mean Mommy.”

Ali just chuckles as Malak giggles. As Malak starts to “read” a book to Kirby, Ali leans against her wife.

“So, did my favorite right back make a lot of kids happy?” Ashlyn asks.

“Kids and adults alike until security said it was causing a disturbance.”

“Good.” The two watch their little one a moment. “Are you nervous about Thursday?”

Ali sighs and nods. “More than I was about Qualifiers.”

Ashlyn puts an arm around her wife and pulls her closer. On Thursday they would be at Johns Hopkins with Tiffany getting the schedule of surgeries and the action plans that would help Malak eventually have and use a prosthetic arm.

“So many damn surgeries so young,” Ali whispers sadly.

“But she’s strong and has the best surgeons and support group around her. She’s the toughest kid in the world,” Ashlyn states proudly.

Ali smiles. “Yeah, she is. Just wish...fuck, I love her so much but what she’s gone through, what she’s lost...it’s just not fair. I can’t imagine our life without her but can’t help but wish she’d never gone through this hell.”

Ashlyn kisses her wife’s cheek. “I know what you mean. But it happened and all we can do is continue to love her and do all we can to give her the best life possible.”

Ali smiles. “That’s the easy part. Do you know how many people would line up to kick our butts if we didn’t?”

Ashlyn laughs and nods. “Very true, baby. Very, very true.”


	11. Chapter 11

Ashlyn’s leg jumps nervously. It is driving Ali and Tiffany crazy but Malak, who is sitting on that leg, is giggling happily as she rides it like a horsey. After several minutes, Ali looks at Tiff.

“So torn. Do I tell her to stop driving me nuts or just enjoy the giggles,” she whispers.

Tiffany grins. “Give her 2 more minutes then I find a tranq and shoot your wife up.”

Ali chuckles and turns back to her wife, who is glaring at both women. Malak just continues to enjoy the ride. Before Tiffany can follow through on her promise to Ali, the nurse comes out to the waiting room.

“Malak Krieger-Harris?”

Malak leaps off her mama’s leg. “THAT’S ME!”

“Mal! Inside voice,” Ashlyn scolds.

“Oops. Sorry, Mama.”

Ashlyn just nods and takes her hand as the quartet walks back to the doctor’s office for the consultation. When they enter the conference room they see the three surgeons they had worked with before as well as a woman with a large carrying-case. Introductions are soon made.

“Captain and Mrs. Krieger-Harris, this is Marjorie Leonard. She is a graduate student at the University of Maryland and she and her team work with the e-Nable organization.”

“Hey! The 3-D hand people!” Ashlyn says excitedly.

The doctor smiles. “Exactly. We think this is a viable option for Malak considering she has her elbow and as she is so young, she will quickly be outgrowing a prosthesis.”

Ashlyn nods. “I thought the same and planned to ask about it,” she says, pulling out a small notebook from her pocket.

“What’s that?” Ali asks, surprised her wife seems to know what is going on.

“I sent you the link, Alex,” Ashlyn says. “They are a collection of volunteers working to help kids all over the world like Malak. Using this technology, it eases the financial burden as the child grows and Malak can choose really cool designs for her arm and can change it each time she grows out of it.”

Marjorie grins. “I love educated parents.”

Ali frowns. “Hey!”

Marjorie blushes. “Oh! No, I didn’t mean not you. I meant, I just like it when the parents get involved. Something tells me, based on my conversations with the doctors, you have plenty of questions to ask, too, Mrs. Krieger-Harris.”

“Yes, I do. But I think I am more interested in what you have to say since I was looking at a more traditional route and I had a lot of concerns about Mallie growing and having issues.”

The doctor nods and gestures to the table. “Marjorie, show her what you have. After that we can show you the traditional route and then discuss the direction you would like to take.”

Marjorie nods and squats down to speak to a confused Malak. “Hi, Malak, my name is Margie.”

“Hi, Margie,” Malak whispers, leaning against Ashlyn nervously.

“Do you know why you’re here today?”

“Ah huh,” Malak nods. “To get my arm more better so I can get a hook like the pirate captain.”

Ali glares at her wife, who shrugs. Neither woman knows where that one came from. Margie grins.

“That’s pretty much right.” She stands and lifts the case off the table, setting it on the floor. She opens it up. “Here’s a few that I’ve done recently.”

Malak’s eyes get wide when she sees one that is pink and even has Cinderella on the back of the arm. “Mama! Like you tattoos!”

Ashlyn smiles and nods. “Yep. But much prettier.”

Margie helps Malak try it on. “Now, just bend your elbow and see what happens.”

Malak follows the instructions, her eyes getting wide when the hand closes. “Whoa...”

“How does that feel, Malak?” one of the doctor asks, studying his young patient.

“It kinda hurts but look! I can close my princess hand!” she says happily bending and unbending her elbow.

Margie adjusts the fit a bit and looks up at the doctors. “About 2 inches,” she whispers.

The doctors nod, knowing Margie is telling them how much of her arm can be removed and still utilize this particular design. Ali takes Ashlyn’s hand and leans into her.

“Is this really the best thing for her?” Ali whispers.

“It’s one option, baby. Let’s just see what the doctors say, okay?”

Ali just nods. Margie helps Malak try on the three arms in her case and takes her measurements. Eventually she stands and addresses the girl’s parents.

“This is just one option. Of course, there are the more fully functional prosthetics but as she grows this one will grow with her. There are also various hands for it to help her with all sorts of activities. I am sure you have the financial abilities to go either direction but we wanted you to see this as one choice.”

Ali nods. “I like it but I do want to discuss all options.”

“Understandable.” She offers her hand and a card. “The doctors have my information and I have what I need from Malak to create a design for her on the computer. I will just need her final colour choices and any ‘tattoos’ she wants, if she wants any.”

Ali grins and wraps an arm around her wife’s waist. “Something tells me my little princess will want a tattoo like her mother’s.”

Ashlyn grins. “Cool.” She shakes the woman’s hand. “Thank you so much for being here today.”

“My pleasure. I hope to talk to you all soon. Good luck with whatever route you decide to take.”

After she leaves the doctors pull out information and examples of traditional prosthetics. Before they get started, Tiffany looks at the little girl.

“Mal, I hear they have some new books down in the play room. Want to go check them out with me?” she says excitedly.

Malak’s eyes get wide and she spins towards her mothers. “Can I?” she pleads.

Ali smiles and nods. “Go ahead. This is just boring grown up stuff.”

Malak grabs Tiffany’s hand. “Come on, Tiff!”

Ali watches as the two walk out, nodding her thanks to Tiffany. She then turns to her wife and sees the stony look on the blonde’s face. She simply reaches over and takes her hand. The lead doctor opens the file in front of him and crosses his hands over it. The choice of what direction the Krieger-Harris’ want to go will help the medical team make decisions on the reconstruction of Malak’s arm. It is more than they expected and slightly overwhelming.

But the mother’s wouldn’t have it any other way. They want the best for Malak no matter what that means and want all the information to make the right decision. They learn the ins and outs of the major surgical procedures over the next hour. Finally the lead doctor summarizes the options available for the little girl.

“As you saw earlier, it is possible to give Malak a temporary solution that can grow with her. Or we can start the process for a fully electronic prosthesis that will give her more than just the ability to close her hand. We can do the surgery but the cost on the arm itself is around $15,000 for one her size. And she will outgrow it once or twice a year.”

Ashlyn gets up and starts to pace. “And what about the surgery? Would she have to go through the implanting of electrodes and stuff again or what?”

The doctor shrugs. “That’s hard to say for sure but I would think at least once more in her lifetime, yes, she’d have to have that surgery again, possibly interspersed with minor surgeries for repairs or upgrades. Granted, the science of prosthetics is leaping forward right now thanks to companies like Advanced Arm Dynamics, which is working with us on this project- -”

Ashlyn slams her palms down on the table, anger in her eyes. “Malak is NOT a project!”

Ali stands up and puts her hands on her wife’s shoulders. “Ashlyn, baby, he didn’t mean her, he meant the surgeries,” she says calmly.

Ashlyn’s head drops down. Ali watches the pulse point on the taller woman’s neck throbbing.

“Of course. I apologize if I sounded cold or callous. I was trying to say that she may need fewer surgeries than amputees have needed in the past. The truth is, we want the best for Malak and we are willing to do what we have to do to give her the best life possible.”

Ashlyn sighs and nods, then returns to pacing. Ali just watches her a moment. The brunette finally turns to the doctors.

“Okay, let’s start at the basics we know have to happen. What has to be done to her arm to make it ready for anything?”

Another doctor stands and moves to a flat screen on the wall. She pulls a remote out and pulls up the most recent MRI scans and x-rays of Malak’s stump area. Ali walks over to her as the woman points things out.

“As you know, the end was quite jagged. The local doctors basically stitched as much undamaged skin as they could over the wound before taking her to the American Army hospital,” the woman says in a soothing British accent. “Malak’s burns were so bad the doctors focused on those and simply watched the arm for infection. These shadows here are actually bits of shrapnel from the initial bombing.”

“What the fuck?” Ashlyn mumbles, walking over and staring at the screen.

“Their concern was saving her life,” the doctor reminds the irritated captain. “The arm would not have mattered if she had succumbed to infection or worse,” she points out.

“Right. Sorry,” Ashlyn mumbles. Ali threads her arm through her wife’s and just offers comfort by standing there with her.

“There are approximately 8 pieces of various size we will remove. We will then want to smooth out the end of the bone.” She pulls up another view with a green line intersecting the bone. “The plan is to make this the new end of her arm. Essentially, we will just be removing about 3/4 of an inch of jagged bone, smoothing out the end, and making this the new plateau.”

The third doctor stands. “We will give her a few weeks to recover. Once we know everything is healed, we can then, should you decide to go with a traditional prosthetic, make plans for the implantation of the electrodes.”

Ashlyn shivers, thinking about her little girl going through at least two more harsh surgeries. And perhaps more. She shakes her head, unable to speak. She turns from the screen and walks to the windows, staring out at the world but seeing nothing. Ali sighs and looks at the doctors. The kind British woman lays a hand on Ali’s arm.

“No decision needs to be made today. We’ll step out and let you two talk a little bit. Then if you have more questions we can talk, okay?”

Ali smiles and nods. “Thank you.”

Once they are alone she wraps up Ashlyn from behind. She doesn’t have to look at the gentle woman’s face to know she is crying. Ali kisses her on the back of the neck.

“Talk to me, baby,” she whispers.

Ashlyn takes a deep breath. “I...I want what’s best for our girl, Alex. But what the fuck is best for her? I fucking can’t figure it out. How can I not know what’s best for my kid?”

“Don’t say that, honey. We’re both new to parenting. But we love her and that’s the important thing.” She turns Ashlyn in her arms and stares into watery hazel eyes. “In your heart, if you had to give an answer right now, would you put her through the surgeries for the electronic arm? Or would you give her an arm to grow with and hope technology continues to improve as she gets older.”

“I...I don’t know...”

Ali takes a breath. “She will be fully grown in 14 years or so, right?” Ashlyn nods. “That gives us 14 years to decide on the electronic option. I can have our accountant put money in a special trust to be used for her arm. It will grow with interest and be ready for her when she is able to help us make the decision. How does that sound?”

Ashlyn shrugs. “What if she hates us for waiting? Or we wait and it’s...it’s...fuck, I don’t know. I’ve thought about this and thought about this and just don’t know what to do. What if we make the wrong decision, Alex? What if...if Mal ends up hating us?”

Ali stares into her wife’s eyes and pulls her closer. “She won’t. She will always be part of the discussion. She will know what we think and we will know what she wants. We’re the Krieger-Harris team, baby. We always come out on top.”

Ashlyn gives her a small smile. “That’s corny as hell.”

“I like it,” Ali states. “I think I’ll have tee shirts made.”

Ashlyn actually chortles, which Ali was going for. Ashlyn pulls her close. “So...3-D arm with Cinderella tattoo to start?”

“Yeah, I think so. Let’s talk to Malak first and then the doctors.”

Ashlyn nods and the two walk out, fingers entwined, and go down to the playroom they know all too well. They see Malak and Tiffany looking at the nurse’s phone.

“Hey, guys,” Ali says.

“Mommy! Come look!”

The women walk over and Malak hands them the phone. Ali’s eyes widen and Ashlyn’s tear up anew. She chokes up a bit so Ali squats down beside Malak.

“So, does this mean you want to do the 3-D arm like you tried on a little while ago?”

Malak nods. “Yeah! And I can do different stuffs on it when I get a new one.”

Ali nods. “True. So you still have to have the surgery to fix your arm a little but we won’t have to do the second one for the electronic arm. But if you ever want to consider that again, just say the word and we will look into it, okay?”

Malak nods. “Um’kay! So can I tell Ma’jie this is what I want?”

Ali smiles. “Let’s talk to the doctors and then we can call Margie to tell her what you want, okay?”

Malak nods excitedly and looks back at the arm on the screen. Tiffany had taken one of Margie’s cards and found a website where kids could design their own arm. Malak had chosen a red, white and blue hand...and on the blue arm piece a picture of a soldier holding an American flag.

“I want a Mama arm so I can be strong and tough like Mama!” Malak states as she looks proudly at the screen.

Ashlyn drops to her knees and pulls her into a hug. “I love you so much, Malak.”

“I love you, too, Mama!”

Ali looks at Tiff and mouths thank you.

“She picked it out herself,” Tiffany explains.

Ali pulls her girls into a hug, her heart nearly bursting with love for the two people in her arms.

* * *

 

On the way home, the family stops for pizza. Ashlyn has been unusually silent and Ali is getting worried about her. Sure, she is talking to Malak and even Tiff and Ali some, but the brunette can see the blonde is fighting to stay present in the conversation.

“Mama, how old does I have to be to get tattoos like you and Mommy?”

Ashlyn manages a grin. “Old. Like around 30 or so.”

Tiffany and Ali chuckle. As expected, Malak flops over in her seat.

“Uuuuuggghhhh...that’s soooo ooooold!”

Ashlyn can’t fight the chuckle that comes out. She leans over and kisses her daughter. “I love your floppy little self, Drama Queen.”

“I love you, too, Mama.”

Malak gives Ashlyn a kiss and goes back to her pizza. Ali watches as a new calm settles on her wife’s face. Yes, they would still need to talk when they got home but she can tell the woman is already getting better.

* * *

 

Tiffany smiles at Ashlyn as she walks into the kitchen. “You made a good decision today. You know that, right?”

Ashlyn sighs and leans against the counter. “I hope so. I mean I think I do. I mean...I guess...hell, I don’t know.”

Tiffany places a hand on Ashlyn’s arm. “Trust me, Ashlyn. You made the right decision. Malak will grow up some more and have a say in her treatment. And until then she will have an array of 3-D arms that will make her the coolest kid around.”

Ashlyn grins. “They are pretty cool, aren’t they?”

“Definitely. When she saw the military options she got so excited. She meant it when she said she wanted a tough arm like her mama. She may be Ali’s pretty princess but she worships the ground you walk on, Ash. Why do you think out of all the people in that hospital that tried to help her, out of all the people that tried to play with her, she chose you?”

Tiffany pats Ashlyn on the shoulder and leaves her with that thought. Ashlyn thinks about that a moment, then smiles.

“Because she knew I’d love her and protect her forever,” she answers for herself quietly.

She grabs the bottle of water she had come for and goes back upstairs. She walks into her bedroom and tosses the bottle to her wife.

“She down for the count?”

“Yep. She’s had a heck of a week,” Ali notes. “I think she is still recovering from two weeks with the gals, too.”

Ashlyn chuckles and starts to get ready for bed. “Most likely.”

Ali watches her a moment. As the blonde bends over to untie her shoes, Ali slips up behind her and grabs her by the hips, thrusting into her backside. Ashlyn quickly stands, glancing over her shoulder at the smirking beauty.

“Oh, so that’s how it is?”

“Yep. And more.”

Ali starts to walk backwards towards the bed. She lifts her shirt up and off. She pushes down her sweat shorts...revealing the strap-on around her waist. Ashlyn feels the wetness begin to pool between her legs as her wife starts to stroke a hand up and down the appendage.

“Lock the door, stud,” Ali orders.

Ashlyn almost falls over her feet to follow that command. By the time she turns around, Ali is reclining on the bed, still lazily stroking her cock.

“Strip for me. Make it good.”

Ashlyn slowly removes her clothes, taking time to flex her muscles and even rub her breasts. Ali moans and strokes “herself” harder. As Ashlyn is kicking off her shorts, Ali grabs a tube of lube and gets herself ready.

“Mount up, soldier.”

Ashlyn walks to the bed and throws her leg over her wife. Ali helps her lower down onto the toy. Ashlyn moans, her nipples getting harder as sensation floods her body. Ali leans forward and takes a pert peak into her mouth, sucking it gently as her tongue flicks it.

“Oh, fuck, Alex...”

Ali begins shallow thrusts of her hips as Ashlyn starts to work up and down the shaft. Her hands go to her wife’s breasts, using them for balance even as she squeezes them to pleasure her wife.

“Yeah, baby. Oh, yeah, play with my tits,” Ali grunts.

She brings her hands to Ash’s chest and starts to kiss along Ashlyn’s chin. Ash tips her head and soon her wife’s strong tongue is plundering her mouth. They rock against each other. Ashlyn’s body feels so good. Her wife smiles as she sees the abandon in the dark green eyes. As the blonde nears her peak, she suddenly pushes herself up and off.

“Ash? What the fuck?”

Ash doesn’t answer. She gets on all fours and looks over her shoulder at Ali. Ali groans.

“Oh, fuck yes.”

She quickly gets up and settles herself behind her willing woman. She takes a moment to enjoy the sight of the strong back, the tight ass, the rock hard thighs. She ignores the scars and concentrates on the beauty she knows lies inside.

And then she plunges in deep.

“ALEX!” Ashlyn grunts.

Ali starts to thrust hard and deep. Her fingers grip Ashlyn’s thighs hard enough to leave deep indentations. Slowly Ali loses herself in this act. She wants to reclaim her wife. She wants to remind herself that this woman, this amazing, caring woman is hers. And, more importantly, she wants to remind the same woman that she is not alone in this life.

“Mine, Ashlyn. Forever.”

“Yes. OH. Oh, yes. For...oh!...ever!” Ashlyn grunts.

Ali feels her own climax building as her wife grunts and moans below her. She feels the tremors start in the strong legs she is crashing into. She pushes harder and leans closer. She slides one hand off Ashlyn’s hip and around in front. Her fingers find a clit begging for relief and she happily starts to massage it.

“Eep!” Ashlyn squeaks at the new feeling.

Ali just smirks and starts to time her thrusts and strokes together.

“Come for me, Ashlyn. Come for me, my love.”

“Yes...yes...oh, fuck, YES!”

Ashlyn goes into convulsions as Ali rides her hard until the woman pulls away and collapses down onto the bed. Ali grins and slips off the dildo before laying down half on her wife’s back. She traces a finger over the elaborate tattooed flowers and kisses a strong shoulder.

“I love you, Ashlyn. I love the way you care for our daughter; how you hurt for her sometimes. And I love how you can push that hurt aside to smile for her, to love her, to make her smile, and make her show her floppy little self.”

Ashlyn chuckles. “I love that little drama queen.”

“And she loves you, too.” Ali eases up and a bit and encourages Ash to roll over. “We made the right choice today. We’ve made the right choices regarding Malak from the moment you didn’t call for a nurse to get her out of your room. We will continue to make the best choices for her for the rest of her life.” She leans down and kisses her wife. “And I will continue to make love to you to thank you for loving her and me and any other members of Team Krieger-Harris that come along.”

Ashlyn laughs and pulls her close. “Still on that team kick, eh?”

“Definitely. I’m thinking pink shirts with green lettering.”

“Oh, hell no!”

The two laugh, then Ashlyn rolls her wife over and proceeds to show her just how much she is also loved and appreciated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The e-Nable organization actually exists and is giving kids all over the world more options when it comes to choosing prosthetics as they grow up. And they offer very cool designs to make the kids happier at their difference from other kids.


	12. Chapter 12

It is Saturday morning and the Krieger-Harris women have a special appointment with Dr. Westfallen. A flock of condors is in flight in Ashlyn’s stomach. Little does she know, a neighboring flock is doing corkscrews in Ali’s. Ashlyn’s left hand holds Ali’s right. In her right hand, the soldier is squeezing a thumb drive that shows what she went through as a POW. Just before they reach the door of the office complex, Ali comes to a halt. She spins towards her wife.

“Are you...sure about this, Ash? I mean...really?”

“Alex, I want to do what you want to do. We can watch this or not but...but I think we need to talk in a neutral setting with someone to call us out on our bullshit. If you’re not ready for it today, I understand,” Ashlyn says with a calmness she doesn’t quite feel.

Ali stares into scared green eyes. She can see the fear that Ashlyn is trying to mask. She squeezes her wife’s hand to let her know she is not running away from their marriage.

“Come on. We don’t want to be late,” she whispers, her voice deeper with emotion.

Ashlyn just nods and opens the door, allowing her wife to enter first. When they get to the doctor’s suite, the woman smiles at them.

“Good morning, ladies. I thought maybe you changed your minds.”

“No. I mean I don’t think so. I mean maybe. I mean...well, shit,” Ashlyn mutters.

For some reason that seems to settle Ali. She lifts Ashlyn’s hand and kisses it. “We haven’t changed our minds. I was just...nervous.” She looks back to the doctor. “We...brought the video. I think...I think I’m ready to see it.”

Westfallen nods. “Okay. What about you, Ashlyn? Are you ready for Alex to see it?”

Ashlyn bites her lip a second. “Honestly? I don’t want her to ever see it. I don’t want her to know what I went through; don’t want her to watch me suffer. But I know she has to see it to clear her imagination of incorrect images and...and so she can help me when I have nightmares.”

“Very good,” Westfallen says. “Shall we head into my office?”

The couple follows her into her main office. They see her TV is on and ready for the drive to be inserted. With a shaking hand, Ashlyn offers it over to the doctor. Ali moves to sit on the couch so she can stare at the screen. It is no surprise to the other two women that Ashlyn just starts to pace. Westfallen sits on the couch beside Ali, angled so she can see both of her patients and the TV screen.

“Whenever you ladies are ready,” the doctor says.

Ashlyn just looks to Ali, nodding for her to say go. Ali takes a deep breath, clenching her hands together. “Okay,” she chokes out.

As the screen comes alive, Ali sees her wife hanging from her arms, three men in the camera frame. She can’t help but smile with pride when she hears her wife making a joke. But then she gasps when she sees Ashlyn take the first hit. By the fifth hit, her hands cover her face and she peeks through her fingers. Ashlyn shudders each time she hears herself get hit. Without looking she knows where each blow lands. In some ways she feels them all over again.

“OH! Oh, Ashlyn...” Ali squeals in fright as the bastard cracks Ashlyn’s face with his brass knuckles.

Westfallen is carefully studying both women. So far she doesn’t feel the need to stop this viewing but she will pause the playback in a heartbeat if she feels either patient is being hurt more than necessary. On a side note, she is more impressed with her patient than before seeing what she went through first hand, not just relying on her memories of the time.

By the end of the waterboarding, tears roll silently down Ali’s cheeks.

By the second hour of the playback, Westfallen has an arm around the brunette’s shoulders.

By the third hour, Ali is leaning into the doctor, sobbing.

And through it all Ashlyn paces like a bull angry at the world.

“Stop it...please...” Ali finally mutters weakly.

Westfallen immediately stops the video. Ashlyn stops and stares at her wife in fear. Was it too much? Will Ali be unable to stay with her? Has this disgusted her so much- -?

That last bit of self-doubt ends when Ali stands and pulls her into a strong hug. “Hold me. Remind me you’re here and not there. Please, Ashlyn, hold me.”

Ashlyn’s strong arms wrap Ali up tightly. “I’m so sorry, Alex. I am so, so sorry.”

“Not your fault, Ashlyn. Stop fucking saying that. You saved the lives of your team and look what those fucking bastards did to you. Those same fucking bastards that killed Malak’s family tried to take you, too. What the fuck would we have done without you? Thank you for surviving. You make me so proud. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too. We don’t have to watch any more, baby.”

“I do. I need to know it all, Ashlyn. I can’t explain it completely, but I have to know.”

Ashlyn stares into scared but resolute eyes. “You are the bravest woman I know.”

They share a quick kiss before Ali returns to the couch and Ashlyn returns to her pacing. When the video finally ends (after three more pauses for those viewing it to clear their heads and one to eat a meager lunch as none were very hungry) Ali has her legs pulled up to her chin as she cries.

“He...he...”

“I’m alive, Alex. Despite what he said, what he did, what he threatened, I’m alive.” Ashlyn walks over and kneels down in front of her wife, placing her hands on Ali’s knees. “Yes, I have scars, both physical and mental from them, but I am alive. And I know, with you and Malak by my side, I can face anything.”

“How...how did you not give up? How did you hold out so long?” Ali asks aloud the question she had thought so many times.

Ashlyn smiles. “I told you: I had you and Malak. My mind was too weak to think of much but I could always picture you and her. You two saved me as much as the Rangers did, baby.”

Ali shakes her head. “No...we didn’t...I didn’t. I was in fucking Florida for a damn game and- -”

“You were doing your job, Alex. I was doing mine.”

Ali wants to argue more but Westfallen finally steps in. “Alex, do you always consider soccer just a game?”

Ali frowns. “Uh, well, no.”

“So why was it just a game while Ashlyn was being hurt?”

“Because...because...I couldn’t help her. I tried. I swear, I tried. I told them to do everything to get her home to me but...but that’s all I could do.” Ali closes her eyes but tears still slide down her cheeks. “I swear I tried everything...”

Ashlyn pushes strong legs apart and pulls Ali into a hug. “I know you did, honey. I know you would have done anything and everything for me. I know that, baby. Alex, look at me. Please.” Ali finally opens her eyes. “Listen to me and believe this: I lived because of you, Alexandra Blaire Krieger-Harris. I lived because I hid in my head and imagined my life with you and with our daughter. That’s what you have to know and believe. Please believe me, sweetheart.”

“Alex, you know your wife well. Is she lying to make you feel better?” Westfallen asks.

Ali shakes her head. “No.”

“You’ve known her for many years. If she didn’t have so much to live for, do you think she’d have survived?” the doctor presses.

Ali shivers. “No,” she croaks.

“Then I think instead of feeling guilt, you should be proud your love was a lifeline for her. You’re a hero in this, too, Alex, because you’ve loved her for so long, even back when she wasn’t sure she deserved you.”

“Still not sure I deserve you,” Ash says with a grin, “but I’m damn sure not letting you go while you, for some reason, think I’m perfect for you.”

Ali manages a grin. “I’ll never stop believing that.”

“Then maybe you need doc’s help more than I do,” Ashlyn jokes.

Ali smiles and pulls her into a tight hug. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.”

Westfallen smiles and lets the two hold each other a moment. Then, she clears her throat. Time for the tough part. For another 2 hours she takes them through their fear, their anger, their emotional upheavals. There are times Ali and Ash both yell at the other in anger, usually followed up by words of love. By the time the session ends they are all exhausted.

“I need a beer,” Ashlyn moans, holding her wife close.

“Or a bottle of wine and a straw,” Ali says with a tired smile.

“That works, too.”

Westfallen smiles. “We made some big progress today, Ashlyn. I think you will see your nightmares diminishing even more than they have been. Alex, if you want to see me about any of this or to work through some more emotions, just give me a call and we’ll work you in.”

Ali smiles at her. “Thank you, Dr. Westfallen.” She looks at Ash. “I know it’s not beer or wine but how about we go home, get in our jammies, get Malak in hers and cuddle up on the bed for popcorn and movie?”

Ashlyn smiles and kisses her wife quickly. “And pizza. We should bring home pizza.”

Ali chuckles. “Good idea.”

They stand and extend their hands to the doctor. The three walk out together. Ashlyn extends her hand to the doctor.

“Thank you again for doing this for us today. I owe you big time for what you’ve done for me the past couple of weeks. And don’t say it was your job. You’ve gone above and beyond, Doc.”

Westfallen smiles. “What can I say, Ashlyn, every once in a while a patient gets me in the heart. First an FBI agent I treat and now you. And, of course, both of your wives. You two help me remember why I went into psychiatry and not general surgery like my father wanted.”

Ashlyn grins. “Um, glad I could be messed up enough to justify your life’s work, Doc.”

Westfallen chuckles. She ignores the outstretched hand and pulls Ashlyn into a hug. “Take care of yourself, your wife, and your daughter, Ashlyn.”

“Always, Doc.”

Ali gives the doctor a hug. “Thank you so much for everything, Dr. Westfallen. We really appreciate all you are doing for us.”

“You’re welcome, Alex. Have a good rest of the weekend.”

Ali nods and climbs into Ashlyn’s Jeep. She sees her wife staring at the steering wheel in contemplation. “What’s wrong, baby?” she asks nervously. Was Ashlyn already doubting herself?

“I think I need to trade the Wrangler for a Cherokee. Or maybe something even bigger.” She looks at her wife. “What do you think?”

The blonde could be SO random. Ali smiles and gives her wife a quick peck on the cheek. “I think my surfer girl is growing up.”

Ashlyn rolls her eyes as she turns on the engine. She tries to glare at her wife but can’t hide the amusement dancing in her hazel orbs.

* * *

 

“You sure you want this? I mean, it could give you cooties or something,” Ashlyn warns Malak, holding a plate with a slice of pizza on it.

Ali grins as their daughter reaches for it.

“Yes, Mama! It’s PIZZA!”

“Well...if you’re sure...” Ashlyn says as she slowly moves the plate towards Malak.

Malak eagerly grabs it and nearly upends it on herself. Only Ali’s quick reflexes saved the slice. Ash grins at her wife.

“Wow. Solo better watch it, Keeper,” she teases.

Ali rolls her eyes and grabs a slice for herself once Malak is settled. “Just hit play, woman.”

Ash smiles and cuddles up to her daughter. She hits play on the DVD player, happy to introduce Malak to Belle and Beast and all the wonderful characters in “Beauty and the Beast”. Once the pizza is gone, Ali takes away the box and plates and returns with freshly popped popcorn. She can’t help but grin as she sees the excitement in Malak’s eyes, which are glued to the TV; and the love in Ashlyn’s eyes as she just watches their little girl.

“Mommy! The footstool is like Kirby!”

Ali grins and sees the little footstool bounding around the screen. She grins. “He sure is. I guess when he’s not enchanted he is a puppy.”

“Yeah! Him is!”

By the time the movie ends, Malak lays with her head on Ashlyn’s thigh and her legs thrown over Ali’s lap. Kirby is nestled up between the women’s legs so his little person can pet him as he naps. Ashlyn stops the credits and brushes a hand over her daughter’s head.

“So did you like it?”

Malak rolls over. “Yeah! Chip was funny! And so was the candle guy and then it was scary and then happy and pretty!”

Ashlyn chuckles. “Yep, that about sums up the whole movie. Glad you enjoyed it, Squirt.”

“I did, Mama. Lots. Kirby did, too.”

“So you two ready to get in your own bed?”

Ali can’t help but laugh at the look Malak gives her in response. Eyes wide, her head tilted down so she can look up under her eyelashes. Lower lip slightly pouted. She knows her wife is nothing but a big marshmallow and is powerless against that look. And Ali should know...she’s the one that taught Malak to use it! Ashlyn just rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

“I knew I was doomed when she started turning into a little princess.” She pulls Malak up into a hug. “Family sleepover!”

“YAY!” Malak cheers as Ali pulls them both into a hug. She kisses Ashlyn’s temple. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. Both of you. So much. You really are my strength when I need it.”

“Ditto, baby,” Ali agrees.

* * *

 

Ashlyn sits up in bed, strangling the cry before it can actually leave her mouth. She is panting, dripping in sweat. It takes a moment for the gray walls she sees in her mind to dissolve into the comforting blue that is her bedroom. She slowly looks to her side and sees Malak cuddled up in Ali’s arms. With a shaking hand she reaches out and touches both, sighing in relief when she confirms they are warm with life, not cold and dead as they had been in her dreams. She jumps when a cold nose nuzzles her other hand.

“Oh. Hey, Kirb.”

The dog nuzzles close, trying to calm her the way he calms Malak. Ashlyn can’t help but smile and rub his ears.

“Good boy.”

She eases out of the bed and goes into the bathroom to get a drink of water and settle her mind. She stares at herself in the mirror. Will she sleep anymore that night? Should she journal? Should she just- -

“Ash?” Ali says softly outside the door.

Ashlyn finishes her water and eases the door open, turning off the light so as not to wake Malak.

“Hey.”

“Nightmare?” Ali asks.

Ashlyn sighs and nods. “Yeah. I thought...after what we did today with Doc I’d...I’d be fine. I’m sorry, Alex.”

Ali steps closer and pulls her into a hug. “Stop apologizing, Ashlyn. You have nothing to be sorry for. Ever. Not about this.”

The two stand there a moment. Ashlyn draws strength from the shorter woman, inhaling the smell of her wife’s shampoo as a way to help center her once more.

“I love you, Alex. I hate these fucking dreams so much. I hate what they make me see,” Ashlyn admits softly.

“I know you do, honey. But I am alive and safe. Malak is alive and safe. And you, Ashlyn Harris, are alive and safe.” Ali eases back and stares into scared green eyes. “Captain Harris came home, Ashlyn. She came home and is loved so much. And I know she would do anything, face anything to protect me and our daughter.”

Ashlyn slowly smiles, pulling Ali close as a tear leaks down her cheek. “Always, Alex. Always,” she chokes out.

In just that simple statement, Ali has smashed the fear that bubbles up from the depths of Ashlyn’s psyche. She is still a protector; still worthy, in the eyes of her wife, of keeping her family safe. For the second time that day Ashlyn actually feels her inner foundation rebuilding. Layer by layer, brick by brick, she was getting back her life.

“I love you so much, my warrior,” Ashlyn whispers in her wife’s ear.

“And I love you, my soldier,” Ali replies, knowing she’ll hold Ashlyn as long as she needs.


	13. Chapter 13

Ali lets out a loud groan and flops back onto the bed. She stares at the ceiling. Was she a fucking hair away from losing her Olympic dream? How can she retrain a body for offense? How can she reteach her mind? Yes, she pushes forward and yes she sends in awesome crosses. And then she runs her ass off back to defense. How is that not enough? How can she be close to losing her dream a second time?

She picks up her pillow and wings it across the room. Sadly, the soft thump as it hits the wall then the floor does not help her feel better. It does, though, make her wife pause at the doorway.

“Alex? What’s going on?”

“I’m probably getting kicked off the fucking National Team!”

She bursts into tears as Ashlyn races to the bed. She pulls her into her arms. “Baby...what do you mean? What’s happened?”

Ali sobs as she sputters through what Jill Ellis had just told her on the phone. Though it is hard to understand the words and the story is a bit disjointed, Ashlyn pieces it together. Jill wants her defense to be the first line of offense. She has basically told Ali she needs to show more on offense than she is currently showing. She needs assists, she needs shots on goal, she needs to score.

“All...these...years...on the team...and not...enough...goals,” she hiccups out.

Ashlyn rubs her hand up and down her wife’s back. No way is Ali Krieger-Harris missing the Olympics again. Not if Ash has anything to do about it. She eases her wife back and stares into her eyes.

“Then we turn you into the most offensive right back in the world.”

The women lock eyes at that statement. Suddenly a grin pulls at the corners of Ali’s mouth. Ashlyn frowns a bit as she says that sentence again in her head. Ali giggles. Ashlyn blushes. Then both women are laughing. Ashlyn looks apologetic.

“Maybe...I should rephrase that?”

Ali wipes the tears from her own cheeks. “I’d appreciate that.”

“We will turn you into a, um, into a force to be reckoned with on both ends of the field.”

“Much better,” Ali praises. “Glad to know I’m not going to be offensive to anyone out there.”

Ashlyn smiles. “Yeah. At least my heart was in the right place, um, right?”

Ali gives her a peck on the cheek. “Right. And thank you for inadvertently busting me out of my pity party. I just need to work on looking more to goal. I can work with the new Spirit staff and the players to help me become what Jill needs. I just...well...it may be too late to change my head and playing style by She Believes but I can damn sure do it by Rio!”

“Damn right you can!” Ashlyn agrees.

Over the next few days, Ali does her regular workouts with her trainer then goes off to a local park to practice on her own. Each night Ashlyn gets home from work she gets reports from Malak about how Mommy is mad at the soccer balls. Ash just files that info away.

On Saturday, Ali runs through a cone set and then launches a ball towards the goal...missing her target point by a mile.

“SON OF A BITCH!” she shouts, kicking at a blade of grass that is brittle in the cold air.

“Language!” Ashlyn calls out.

Ali turns and sees Ashlyn walking towards her. Malak is in her little Jeep and Kirby is trotting alongside her. Ali studies her wife up and down.

“What are you wearing?” she asks in confusion.

“Has it really been so long you’ve forgotten?” Ashlyn teases.

She drops her gear bag on the ground at her wife’s feet. She is wearing her old Nike cleats, keeper pants, and her old WNY Flash keeper jersey. She slips off her coat and flexes a bit.

“Got a few more muscles than I used to have but I still make it look good,” she says with a smug smile.

Ali giggles. “Yeah, you do. So...why are you here?”

“You need a target to avoid and a target to aim for.” She nods towards the parking area. “And here comes your bullseye and her defender now.”

Ali turns and grins as she sees Lori Lindsey and Yael Averbuch making their way across the grass. She turns back to her wife.

“You called them?”

“Nope. They just magically appeared. It must be a MIRACLE!” She says, throwing her arms out wide.

Ali gives her a light push. “Jerk.”

Ashlyn pulls her close. “Yes, I called them. I’ve had a little birdie telling me you’ve been frustrated. So, I instituted operation ‘Help Your Sexy Back’.” Ali giggles, nose crinkling adorably. “Called them up and asked if they were up for helping you get to Rio. Naturally Yael said yes immediately and Lori grumbled about being old and retired. I told her we’d go easy on her and buy her a Metamucil after practice,” she explains with a wink.

Ali laughs and hugs her wife. “Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you, too, my Olympian. We’re getting you to Rio, come hell or high water,” Ashlyn promises her.

Ali looks from her wife to her daughter. “With you two rooting me on, how could I have ever doubted?”

“Not sure. But, let’s get to it. Oh, and one more thing?”

“What’s that?”

“I’m retired, too. Go easy on me,” she says with a wink.

“No way, woman. As far as I’m concerned Hope Solo is in that goal.”

Ashlyn winces. “I am so dead.”

Ali just giggles again and goes to greet the other two players as Ashlyn starts to stretch out limbs that had not played a real game of soccer in a long, long, time.

* * *

 

“Okay, last one!” Ashlyn calls out.

Ali, dripping with sweat, nods and goes back to her starting point.

Ashlyn pulls the other two players close. “Okay, Lori you up for taking her one on one again?”

Lori shakes her head. “Don’t think so. Yael?”

Yael nods. “I can do it.”

“Okay. You track her and make it hard to cross to Lori. Lori, I’ll be all up in your face so that she has to thread the ball perfectly.”

“Got it,” Lori agrees.

The players nod and jog into position. Ashlyn looks at her daughter and nods. Malak puts a whistle in her mouth and gives it a good blast. Ashlyn watches as her wife dribbles through a cone set, dodges Malak’s Jeep as if it were a defender, weaves around the four gear bags, and finally comes foot to foot with Yael. For now Ashlyn is playing a defender, making Lori a difficult target. As Ali shakes Yael, Ash drops back to the goal line and Ali immediately sends in a fast, arcing cross. Lori takes a step and leaps, heading the ball past the lunging Ashlyn.

“GOAL MOMMY!” Malak cheers.

Lori laughs, once again losing the praise to the little one’s mother. She looks at Ash, grinning. “Guess Ali was just lucky my head was there. Wasn’t my skill or anything.”

Ashlyn laughs as she gathers the ball. She wraps an arm around her friend’s shoulder. “You were awesome, my friend. You still have the gift of the game.”

Lori nudges her. “You, too. Was nice to see you back in goal.”

“Was nice to be there,” Ashlyn admits. She nods towards Malak. “But if I ever doubt my decision to leave the game I have that ball of happiness to remind me I’m where I’m meant to be.”

Lori just nods, happy for her friend. Ali pulls Lori into a hug.

“Thank you so much for giving up your Saturday for me. It means so much to me.”

“You deserve your gold, Kriegs. And this summer you will get it,” she says confidently.

“That’s right!” Yael agrees, making the hug a group hug.

Malak sees how happy the hugs make her mommy so she runs over and throws her arms around everyone. Ashlyn chuckles.

“I feel so left out.”

“Get over here, whiner,” Lori says, opening her arm.

Ashlyn laughs and jogs over to complete the group hug. As it ends, Ash looks at their friends. “So, lunch at our place?”

“Sounds good to me,” Lori agrees.

“Me, too,” Yael says.

Yael and Lori go back to the parking lot to make the drive to the Krieger-Harris home. Ashlyn grabs her bag and her wife’s and takes the right back’s hand.

“You ready to roll, Mal Bear?”

Malak climbs in her Jeep. “Ready, Mama!”

“Then let’s roll home!”

Malak starts to drive her Jeep back towards the house as Ash and Ali follow. Ali squeezes her wife’s hand.

“Thank you so much, baby.”

“No thanks needed. I’ll always be your number one fan and that would make me being in Rio without you rather awkward.”

Ali laughs and nods. “Very true. I hope you can really be there for me.”

Ash lifts their hands and kisses Ali’s. “I’ll do my damnedest not to miss a minute. I swear, baby.”

“I know,” Ali says, happier than she thought she would have been after having been so frustrated earlier.

* * *

 

Ali bursts out laughing. “No way!”

Ashlyn is blushing and, reluctantly, nodding. “I’m afraid yes way, Lex.”

Lori sits forward and looks at Yael. “So you’re telling me, Ash had a rock star moment? Fans sneaking into her room? And we’ve never heard this story?” She looks at Ash. “I should kick you!”

Ashlyn is blushing. “It wasn’t exactly...a rock star moment. More like a, ‘crap I just got caught playing with myself while thinking of my hot girlfriend moment’,” she explains.

Lori falls off the couch she is laughing so hard. Ali can’t speak or catch a breath for her laughter. Yael, who experienced the moment, is slightly more in control.

“So here comes Ashlyn, shorts around one ankle, her boy briefs only half-pulled up, sports bra askew, busting out of her hotel room door into the hallway. Me, Sinc, Marta, uh, geez, uh, Seger, and three or four others are standing there in confusion. We’re thinking you, Ali, had come to visit as a surprise and had kicked her ass out for some reason. Next thing we know two girls are running out of the room squealing in excitement that they saw THE Ashlyn Harris naked!”

“I was just glad I didn’t vocalize my masturbatory fantasies. I can only imagine their heads would have exploded,” Ashlyn notes.

“I have to say, that was the craziest away trip I had experienced to that time in my professional career,” Yael states. “My young self thought nothing would ever top that.”

“I’m not sure if anything ever did on my trips,” Lori states. “Damn, I can’t wait to pass that on to other friends of Ash’s.”

Ashlyn throws a pillow at her. “Asshole.” She glances at her watch and stands. “I best go get the little princess up or she won’t sleep tonight.”

She leans over and gives Ali a kiss before heading upstairs. When Ali turns back to her friends.

“Guys, thanks again for today. I needed the help but I think it’s also been really good for Ash.”

Lori nods. “It has. She looks so good today.”

“I’m glad she called you when it all hit her, Lori,” Yael says. “And even more glad you were able to get over here to help her.”

Before more can be said, the child monitor on the table cackles to life.

“Hey, sweet girl, time to wake up.”

“Umph.”

Ashlyn giggles. “Yep, just like me.” There is the sound of the bed being laid upon. “Wakey, wakey little princess.”

“Mama...no tickle!” Malak scolds.

“Okay, no tickle. Guess I’ll just have to eat all the pizza we’re having for dinner tonight.”

There is a slight pause. “Pizza?” confirms a curious voice.

“Yep. With extra, extra cheese,” Ashlyn says.

“I like x-ra x-ra cheese!” Malak exclaims excitedly.

“Me, too. But since you want to stay in bed I guess we’ll have to let Aunt Lori and Aunt Yael eat it alllllll up!”

“NO! They share with me! They loves me!”

Ashlyn chuckles as the others hear the sound of the little one bounding out of bed. “C’mon, Kirby! Pizza time!”

And soon the sounds on the monitor are replaced by two human feet and four pup feet coming down the stairs. Ali looks at her friends.

“So, I guess you two are invited for pizza and a movie?”

Yael smiles. “I’m a single girl for the night. Count me in.”

“I’m all for a calm night. What can we do to help?” Lori asks.

“We got it. Domino’s delivers, after all,” Ali points out and opens her arms as her little girl runs up. “Hey, sweet girl. Good nap?”

“Ah huh! And Mama say we having pizza with x-ra x-ra cheese!”

Ali pretends to be surprised. “She did?” Malak nods. “Well, then I guess we better call for pizza. And how about you help your aunties choose a movie to watch.”

“Um’kay, Mommy!”

Ali smiles as Malak runs over to the shelves that hold her movies and starts to tell Yael and Lori all about the collection and which ones are her favorite of the bunch. Ali sighs in contentment. It has been a wonderful, love-filled day.

* * *

 

Ashlyn is putting the last of the clean dishes away when arms wrap around her from behind. Ali places a gentle kiss to the back of her wife’s neck.

“Thank you for today.”

Ashlyn smiles and turns in Ali’s arms. “I had fun. Been a while since I really let ‘the keeper’ in me come out.”

“And you still play so good, baby,” Ali praises. “But not just then. Thanks for getting Yael and Lori to not only help but to stick around. I needed a night to just relax a little.”

“You need more than just tonight. When was the last time you went out with Liz and the girls?”

Ali thinks a second then shrugs. “I honestly don’t know.”

“Then you’ll be especially thankful that tomorrow you and Liz and a couple other ladies are spending the day together,” Ash tells her with a smug grin.

Ali frowns. “But...what about you and Malak?”

Ashlyn sighs and strokes Ali’s cheek. “I’ll be fine with our daughter, Alex. I promise. And...if any...issues arise, I promise to call your dad and Vicky for help. They agree you need this time out.”

Ali stiffens. “You all plotted against me?”

Ash grins. “No. We plotted _for_   you. NWSL season is upon us. Olympic craziness is building. You have She Believes in a few weeks. Malak will have her surgery. Take this one day for you, Alex. You’ve more than earned it and you’ll more than be thankful for it soon.”

Ali chews her lip a moment, considering all Ashlyn has said. “You swear you’ll ask for help?”

Ashlyn gives her a small kiss. “I swear on my favorite boxer briefs.”

Ali grins. “Wow. That’s bold.” She slowly lets out a breath. “Okay. Tomorrow I spend with my friends. Can I assume they have the day planned?”

“Yep. And I have your dress code.” She gives her a kiss. “Have a wonderful day, baby.”

Ali smiles. “You know...I think I will. And to thank you...”

She takes one of Ashlyn’s hands and slides it up under her own shirt. She watches hazel eyes darken and smirks.

“Come up and have your way with me, stud,” Ali whispers in Ash’s ear before giving it a small nip.

Ashlyn moans. As Ali starts walking backwards towards the stairs, Ashlyn follows, her hand never leaving the pert breast she had been gifted. And soon it is she who is thanking Ali as the brunette drives her into the first orgasm of several that night.


	14. Chapter 14

“Malak, the answer is no and that’s FINAL!” Ashlyn states firmly.

The little girl pouts and stomps her foot. “NO! I wanna GO!”

Ashlyn runs her hands over her face. “It’s too cold, it’s just a scrimmage, and Mommy is not going to play that much anyway. We are not going to the game!”

“NOT FAIR!”

“Go to your room! Now!” Ashlyn orders, pointing her finger at the stairs.

The little girl grunts in anger and spins around, stomping up the stairs with a lot more noise than needed. Ashlyn drops down onto the couch, her head in her hands. Ever since Ali had left that morning for the Spirit’s first scrimmage of the year, Malak had been angry and belligerent. And even though it will be a few weeks before the girl’s surgery, her mothers did not want to risk her getting sick. Ashlyn sighs and sits back on the couch.

“If Grandma or Mom have cameras hidden in this house they are laughing their asses off,” she mutters, remembering all too well a few temper tantrums of her own.

She gives her daughter ten minutes to calm down then makes her way up to the bedroom of the little princess. Malak is laying on the bed with Kirby and her owl, sniffling. Ashlyn walks in and sits down beside her, wincing when Malak rolls over so her back is to her mama. Ashlyn runs a hand down her side.

“I know you think me and Mommy are being mean, Mal Bear, but we just don’t want to risk you getting sick for a game that doesn’t count and that Mommy won’t be playing in very much. The coach wants to see the new players and the players that might get traded. Mommy won’t be traded so she will be on the bench most of the game,” Ashlyn explains.

“But her does better when I am there. Her said so,” Malak whispers with a hitch in her voice.

Ashlyn lies down behind her girl and pulls her close. “I know she does, baby. But it will make her play better to know you’re not there maybe getting sick or something.”

“You...sure?” she sniffles.

Ashlyn kisses the back of her head. “Very sure.”

“Umkay.”

They lay there for a few minutes before Malak turns and allows Ashlyn to pull her into a proper hug. Ashlyn just smiles and holds her close.

“I love you, Mal Bear.”

“Love you, Ma Bear,” Malak whispers.

“I have some work I have to do downstairs. Want to come down and watch a movie or something?”

Malak shakes her head. “Me and Kirby gonna play up here.”

Ashlyn kisses her forehead. “Okay. Call me if you need me, Squirt.”

“I will, Mama.”

Ashlyn hugs her once more then gets up to go work on some inventory reports that were not properly reconciled. She figures Malak will probably stay in bed and fall asleep. It takes a lot out of a kid to tantrum properly, after all.

* * *

 

“I wish I was on the field,” Ali mutters to Crystal.

“Why? Wanting to school the youngsters?”

“No. Wanting to run to warm up and feel my toes,” Ali grunts as she stomps her feet.

Crystal laughs and has to nod in agreement. “On the bright side, we’re looking good. We should be a challenger this season.”

Ali nods. “True. And we won’t get as scalped for the Olympics as some teams which will be in our favour, too.”

Not quite soon enough for those on the bench, the scrimmage ends. Yes, technically the Spirit had won, but the real win of the game was evaluating their new talent. They really could be challenging for the top 4 sooner rather than later this year if things kept looking this good.

After exchanging handshakes, taking some selfies, signing autographs and taking a group picture with their opponents, the players make their way to the stands to thank those who had been brave enough to face the weather to cheer them on. Finally Coach Gabarra calls them back in.

“No big talk today. Too dang cold. Monday morning plan on a talking session and we’ll discuss went right and wrong today. Great game, ladies.”

The team gathers, gives a cheer, then heads to the sidelines to gather their bags and get home. Ali reaches into her side pocket and pulls out her dog tags. She shivers as the cold metal hits her chest. Crystal laughs.

“You know, you could just put them under your coat and above your shirt until they warm up,” she teases.

“I am NOT superstitious but...but...well, hell, I have to wear them against my skin or else,” Ali mutters as Crystal and Jo Lohman laugh at her.

The defender rolls her eyes and reaches back into the pouch to pull out her phone. She plans to text Ashlyn she is on her way and to have hot cocoa and a hot bath waiting for her. But when she sees the text from her wife, those thoughts go out the window.

“FUCK!”

Jo and Crystal look at her, seeing fear in her eyes. “Al? What’s wrong?” Jo asks.

“Answer, answer, answer,” Ali mutters as she starts to dig for her keys. “FUCK!” she shouts as she gets her wife’s voicemail. She stabs the redial and looks at her concerned teammates. “Ash had to rush Malak to the hospital. Don’t know why. I gotta go.”

“PRAYERS!” Crystal yells after her as Ali sprints towards the parking lot. The forward looks at Jo. “I’m following her.”

“Shotgun,” Jo says, claiming the passenger seat as the two race off after their captain.

* * *

 

Ashlyn had been working on an inventory reconciliation report and FINALLY finds the error that has caused a lot of issues.

“Got to use a minus sign when we take things out of inventory, Andrews. You know that,” she mumbles, planning to have a talk with her normally very reliable staff sergeant. “You owe me a beer for this damn heada- -”

Her mutterings break off when she hears a horrible noise from upstairs. A nearly simultaneous thud-crash-scream. Papers go flying as she leaps up and races to the stairs. She bounds up them 2 at a time, hearing her daughter’s screaming cries and Kirby’s incessant barking.

“MALAK!”

As she turns into her girl’s room, she feels a brisk breeze and sees the curtains billowing due to the shattered window. She sees the small play table half on, half off the bed and one chair down at the foot of the bed. She dashes around the end of the bed and sees her daughter, blood on her face, arm and chest.

“MALAK! Oh, baby.”

She scoops her up and carefully wipes at the girl’s face. Malak cries uncontrollably. Ashlyn winces when she sees the long, deep cut on Mal’s forehead, a gash on her arm, but, thankfully, nothing else except a knot above her eye.

“Oh, sweetheart, what did you do,” Ashlyn murmurs as she lifts her daughter up and hurries from the room. No doubt about it: a trip to DeWitt is in the cards. “Let’s grab a coat, baby.”

Ashlyn continues to speak to her daughter, who is still crying and unable to speak. She barely manages to leave an upset Kirby in the house as she hurries to her Jeep. Malak fights getting in her car seat because she doesn’t want to let go of her mama.

“Mal, sweetie, I have to strap you in. I swear if I could drive and hold you I would.”

She finally gets the little girl settled. She forces Malak to put her coat on backwards, knowing it will keep her warm. Then to be safe, Ashlyn wraps her up in the blanket she keeps for emergencies. She then leaps into the driver’s seat, only then realizing she hadn’t grabbed her own coat and is only wearing a tee shirt and old Army sweatshirt. She slaps her butt.

“Got my wallet that’s what matters,” she mumbles as she puts the Jeep in gear and points it north. She grabs her phone and hits Ali’s number, leaving her an unintentionally vague talk-to-text message. “Al, Malak got hurt. Racing her up to Belvoir to the ER at DeWitt. I’ll call when I know more.”

She disconnects and tosses the phone onto the passenger seat. She hears her daughter whimpering in the back and cannot think of a more horrible sound. After a drive that seems to take forever, she is waved through the gates at Belvoir and has to fight not to speed on base. She pulls right up to the doors of the ER and hops out. She eases Malak out and hurries inside.

“Four year old with bleeding head wounds,” she calls out.

A nurse behind the check in hops up and points. “This way!”

Ashlyn ignores the grumbles of those already in the waiting room and follows the woman down to a treatment room.

“What happened?”

“Uh, not sure. She fell and cut her head and arm and bumped her head. I was downstairs. Why the hell was I downstairs?” Ashlyn laments.

She carefully places Malak on the bed as another nurse and a doctor walk in. The nurse that led Ashlyn back takes her by the arm.

“How about you let them check on her, go move your car, and then get me her info?” she suggests gently.

“No! No, I can’t leave her. I wasn’t watching her and this happened and I should have been with her not doing work and...and...and...”

The nurse grabs her and guides her into a chair as the blonde starts to hyperventilate. “Deep breaths. Control your breathing, soldier. Control your breathing.”

Ashlyn finally gets herself under control. The nurse squats down in front of her.

“Okay?” Ashlyn just nods. “Now, can you move your car?”

“I can do it, Patty,” a voice from the door says.

Ashlyn looks up in surprise. “Fliss?”

Fliss smiles. “Been planning to call you and Ali when I got settled. Guess where I’m stationed for the next couple of years.” She walks over and extends her hand. “I saw you drive up. Give me your keys. I’ll move your Jeep and bring them back.”

With shaking hands, Ashlyn hands over her keys.

“Good. Now give Patty Malak’s medical card.”

Ashlyn reaches into her pocket and pulls out her wallet. She thumbs through it and offers over her military i.d. and Malak’s medical card.

“Good. Who said Engineers can’t follow directions?” Fliss teases.

Ashlyn barely manages a smile. Fliss and Patty leave to take care of their duties. Ashlyn looks at the doctor and nurse.

“Is she okay?” she asks weakly.

The doctor smiles. “She’ll be just fine. Is she on any meds?”

Ashlyn sighs and reaches for her phone. She pats all her pockets, then groans. “I left it in the Jeep. She’s on several meds and has been on others. I have a full list in my phone.”

“I can probably check her records,” the nurse offers.

Ashlyn shakes her head. “She’s being treated at Johns Hopkins for her arm and other wounds.”

“I see,” the doctor replies. He thinks a second then shakes his head. “I just can’t risk giving her anything or proceeding with sutures until we know what she’s on. When the MP returns with your keys, please get that list.”

Ashlyn moans and nods. “Yes, sir.” She stands and moves to her daughter’s side. “I’m so sorry, Malak. I keep fucking up with you today.”

Malak just reaches up her hand towards her Mama. Ash takes and leans over to kiss her girl on the head, careful to avoid the gauze the nurse is applying to the little girl’s head.

“I love you so much, Mal Bear. I am so, so sorry.”

* * *

 

Ali had broken more than a few laws to get to Belvoir in record time. As she pulls up to the gates, she throws her i.d. at the soldiers.

“My daughter is at DeWitt in the ER. Oh, and the car behind me is with me, too,” she tells them, having seen Crystal keeping up with her all the way from Maryland.

The soldier nods and waves her through. Ali pulls forward enough to let Crystal pull up to the checkpoint. She taps her fingers impatiently on the steering wheel until her teammates are finally waved through. She may have gone on but she realizes this will allow her to pull up to the doors and Jo can then move her car. And that is exactly what she does. She hops out and runs to her friends.

“Jo?”

Jo, already getting out and accepting the keys, “Got it! We’ll be in the waiting room.”

Ali nods and runs in and right up to the check in desk.

“I’m looking for- -”

“Ali!”

Ali spins around, her eyes widening. “Fliss!”

Fliss nods and walks up. “Not how I planned to let you know I was in town but it works. Come on: Ash and Mal are this way.”

Ali follows her, too stunned to ask questions, too scared to try. When she sees her wife standing with Malak, she finally finds her voice.

“Mallie!”

Malak looks up and reaches out towards Ali. “Mommy!” she sniffles.

Fliss hands Ash her keys. “And here’s your phone. Saw it on the seat.”

Ash’s eyes widen and she quickly pulls up the info on Mal’s medicines. She practically throws her phone at the nurse.

“HERE! This is what she is on and what she has been on the past year.”

The nurse smiles and nods. “I’ll show this to the doctor.”

Ashlyn nods then turns to the bed. She sees her wife glaring at her. “What. Happened?” Ali asks, her jaw clenched.

“I...I don’t know. Mal was upstairs and I was downstairs and...and there was a crash and she was crying and Kirby was barking and then there was blood and I...I...I...”

Fliss grabs her and guides her back into the chair. “Deep breaths, Ashlyn,” she coaches the blonde once more.

Ali’s anger at her wife relents a little when she sees how distraught she is. Instead she turns to her daughter.

“Mal? What happened, honey?”

“I...I wanted to be...’A’punzel.”

Ali frowns in confusion. “Rapunzel? What do you mean?”

“I needed a tower so Kirby could rescue me.”

Ashlyn slowly looks up, thinking about what she had seen. “A tower...so...you put your table on the bed, then the chairs?” Malak nods. Ashlyn thinks a second. “Both chairs?”

“Yeah.”

“What...happened to...the one not on the bed?” Ashlyn asks.

Malak sighs. “It went out the window.”

Ashlyn’s already pale face gets even whiter. In a split second she imagines her daughter, not the chair going through the window. Ali’s eyes widen.

“Ash?”

Ashlyn leaps towards the trashcan as she retches. Fliss grabs her by the shoulders to steady her with one hand and uses the other to hold her hair back.

“Easy, Ash. She’s okay. She’s going to be just fine.”

Ash finally finishes and turns to slump against the wall. The doctor and nurse walk in. He looks from Ash to the bed and back again.

“So many patients, so little time,” he jokes.

Ali just glares at him. “My daughter?”

He nods. “Right. Now that we know what she is taking and has been on we can get going. She’ll be fine in no time.” He glances at Ash. “And if you like I can order something for you, too.”

Ashlyn just shakes her head and waves for him to continue with Mal. Ali holds Malak’s hand the entire time the doctor works. Ashlyn just sits on the floor, hating that she had been responsible for her daughter’s latest injuries. When the doctors finish up, Ali turns to her wife.

“Ash? I think Mal could use a hug.”

Ashlyn shakes her head. “She got hurt because of me, Alex.”

“Mama, I done bad not you,” Malak whispers.

Ashlyn slowly gets to her feet and walks over. “I’m supposed to protect you, Mal.”

“You telled me not to play on the bed,” Malak points out.

Ashlyn manages a small smile. “Yeah, I guess I did.” She leans over and kisses her little girl. “I love you so much, Malak. I’m so glad you’re okay.”

Ali reaches across the bed and squeezes her wife’s shoulder. Fliss smiles.

“I need to head on. I’ll stop in and see you this week, Ash.” She looks at Ali. “Hope to see you soon.”

Ali smiles and nods. “Count on it.”

Fliss departs and Ali looks back to her wife. “Ashlyn?” Ash looks up. “It was an accident. Nothing more.”

Ashlyn can only nod, her mind still on the “what if’s” of her daughter going out the window instead of the chair. She is not sure she’ll ever get over this one.

* * *

 

When Malak is discharged, she is excited to see her Aunt Crystal and Aunt Jo.

“Hi, Aunt Crystal! Hi, Aunt Jo,” she says happily from the comfort of her mama’s arms.

“How is my favorite dance partner?” Crystal asks with a smile.

“I hurted myself because I was bad,” Malak answers quietly.

Jo pats her on the head. “Well, something tells me you learned your lesson, right?”

“Yes, Aunt Jo,” she replies, as she lays her head on Ashlyn’s shoulder.

Ashlyn is still shaky so Ali asks Jo to drive her car home so she can drive the Jeep with her wife and daughter. Testament to her shaky mental state, Ashlyn doesn’t even tease her wife about driving King Arthur. As she drives, Ali holds her love’s hand, hoping to help her believe that this isn’t her fault.

When they get home, Ashlyn’s eyes go to the pink chair stuck in the front bushes. Her eyes then stray up the broken window, curtains now billowing outside. Her eyes well with tears.

“Alex...” she chokes out.

Ali takes her chin and turns her head. “Look in my eyes, Ashlyn: going through the ‘what ifs’ will not help you. She is okay. I’m sorry I was angry earlier but I promise it wasn’t at you. I was mad I wasn’t there to help protect her. Guilt won’t help either of us. It happened, she’s okay, she won’t do it again. Just believe that, okay?”

“I’ll...I’ll try,” Ashlyn promises.

They get out and Ali lifts the now sleeping Malak out of the car. Jo walks up and smiles.

“Anytime you need me to drive your Beamer just say the word. I offer as a friend not at ALL thinking about what’s in it for me.”

Ali grins. “I’ll keep that in mind, oh selfless JoHawk.”

“Mind if we stay until she wakes up?” Crystal asks.

Ali chuckles. “I doubt she’ll have it any other way.”

* * *

 

Jo had gone with Ashlyn to get a board large enough to cover the window as well as some caulking to keep out the chilly winds. This gives Ashlyn something to do and gives Ali (through Jo) a chance to see her wife’s mental state. Not to anyone’s surprise, it’s not good.

“You know, when you were a kid, didn’t your grandparents call you ‘Krashlyn’ or something?” Jo asks out of the blue.

“Yeah. Smashlyn,” Ashlyn answers, her eyes on the boarded up window.

Jo smiles. “Something tells me you earned that nickname. Might be time to come up with one for Malak that doesn’t just signify her princess side. She’s a lot like you, too, Ash.”

Ashlyn can’t help but grin. “Yeah, I guess she is.”

Jo puts down the caulk gun and turns to her friend. “Kids get hurt all the time, Ash. Just remember that.”

Ashlyn sighs as she stares at the little girl’s room. “I’ll try. Not too easy right now.”

Jo nods. “I get it. And if you need to vent, give me a call.”

Ashlyn smiles and pats her on the shoulder. “Thanks, buddy.”

The two close the door to the room to make sure no cold air leaks out into the house. Ashlyn even stuffs a towel in the bottom of the door to help. Satisfied she’s protected her family as best she can, Ashlyn goes downstairs to see her daughter pulling Jo into a dance party with Crystal and Ali. Ashlyn can’t help but smile.

Yes, Malak was okay. Yes, it still hurt Ashlyn’s heart knowing it happened on her watch. But the biggest yes was Ashlyn knows she will get past this with the help of her wife, her daughter and her shrink. Yep, she was going to have a heck of an appointment with Westfallen later that week.

Later that night, the three are lying in Ali and Ashlyn’s bed. Ashlyn is stroking a hand over her daughter’s head. Ali studies her wife.

“Talk to me, Ash,” she whispers.

But Ashlyn doesn’t hear her. She is lost in her mind. “What ifs” that had haunted her in Iraq, on humanitarian missions, and now with her daughter swirl in her head. Ali carefully reaches over and cups her wife’s cheek.

“Ashlyn? Can you hear me? Where are you, baby?”

After a second, Ashlyn takes a shuddering breath. “I failed her, Ali. I failed my men. I failed those villagers. I’m fighting their ghosts and I’m fighting myself,” she finally admits.

Ali is amazed that the soldier has been so honest. She strokes her hand over her wife’s head. “Ashlyn, you didn’t fail her. You sure as hell didn’t fail your men; you nearly died for them. And you didn’t fail any villagers. You can only control so much and if you could have gotten there sooner or sent out a search and rescue team sooner, you would have. And some you found may have still died from their injuries. You can’t blame yourself for those deaths, Ashlyn. You can’t blame yourself for anything your mind is making you relive.”

Ashlyn takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Keep telling me that?”

Ali smiles compassionately. “Anytime and every time you need me to, baby. I promise you.”

Ashlyn finally looks up, tears in her eyes. “I am so, so sorry she got hurt, Alex.”

“I know you are, sweetheart. I know you are.”

Ali leans over and gives her wife a comforting kiss. Ashlyn leans her head against the brunette’s, drawing strength from her.

“Will you be able to sleep tonight?” Ali finally asks.

Ashlyn shrugs. “I don’t think so. Maybe. I just...don’t know. But I promise I don’t have alcohol or anything. I swear.”

“I know, Ash. That just proves how strong you are even when you aren’t feeling it.”

Ashlyn just nods. “I’ll try to believe that. I love you, Alex. Thank you for being by my side through life.”

Ali smiles. “That, my love, is my pleasure. I love you, too.”

They share another kiss. Ali eventually falls asleep. Ashlyn stays awake watching her daughter sleep, scared if her vigilance lags just for a second something will happen to the little girl. Part of her knows that’s crazy but her emotions are leading her right now.

“I love you, Mal Bear. I love you so much.”

The little one rolls in her sleep, snuggling into her mama. Ashlyn can’t help but smile. At least in sleep, her daughter still loves her.

* * *

 

Ashlyn starts to slowly wake up. Then her eyes fly open when a small knee shifts and gets her right in the bladder.

“Fu...” she mumbles before catching herself

She takes a few deep breaths, glad that she did not cuss and very happy she did not wet the bed. A smile comes up on her face as she realizes she is once again the mattress for her daughter. She lifts a hand and wipes a few strands of dark hair off her face and then starts to run her hand up and down Malak’s back.

“I love you, sweet girl,” she whispers and kisses the crown of her daughter’s head.

Malak shifts a little then lifts her head, her eyes blurry with sleep. She gives Ashlyn a small grin.

“Love you, too, sweet Mama.”

Ashlyn starts to chuckle and hugs the little girl tightly. “You are a cutie. How are you feeling after your little adventure yesterday?”

Malak sits up, her legs straddling Ashlyn’s stomach and she studies the stitches in her arm and reaches up to the feel the bandage on her head. After a second she shrugs.

“Um’kay. Had worse,” she says simply, not grasping just how sad that honest admission really is. “I be fine.”

Ashlyn smiles. “Good.” She sighs. “I’m sorry you got hurt while I was watching you.”

“I sorry I breaked the window.”

“Did you learn your lesson?” Ashlyn asks.

“Yeah. No more playin’ A’Punzel on the bed.”

Ashlyn grins. “No more doing anything like that on the bed. You could have been hurt a lot worse, Mal Bear. And, yes, you broke the window but...” Ashlyn has to steel herself to say this next part. “But you could have gone out the window just like that chair and you would have been very, very hurt. Beds are for sleeping and reading on, not playing like you were doing, okay?”

“Um’kay, Mama.” She lays down and hugs Ashlyn. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. Now, how about you go to potty and we go down and work on breakfast?”

Malak kisses her mama’s cheek and hurries to the bathroom. Ashlyn rolls her head to the side to stare at her wife, who had been feigning sleep. The brunette’s eyes slowly open.

“Thank you for giving me a moment with her,” Ashlyn says. “I needed to feel...feel...”

“Like a mother?” Ali supplies.

Ashlyn smiles. “More like a good mother. I am so sorry she got hurt while home with me, Alex.”

Ali cuddles up to her and kisses her cheek. “She’s going to get hurt while alone with both of us, honey. That’s what being a parent is all about.”

“Damn,” Ashlyn sighs. “Can’t I just sign up for the fun, easy part of parenting?”

Ali laughs and throws the covers off. “Afraid not, Smashlyn. The hard, scary part of parenting is the only chance our parents have of getting revenge for us scaring them.”

Ashlyn laughs, nodding her head. Just these few moments with her wife and daughter have helped scab over the wound her psyche took yesterday when her daughter was injured. As Ali goes to check on Malak, the blonde realizes she had been close to the abyss; close to giving in to depression and fear. But her wife and daughter, without even knowing it, had soothed her soul. A few weeks before, they wouldn’t have been able to do it; the fear would have combined with the PTSD to send her into darkness. She reaches for her journal, needing to get a few things down on paper before her next appointment with Dr. Westfallen.

Maybe...just maybe...Captain Harris was getting better and turning back into Ashlyn Harris once more.


	15. Chapter 15

A cold wind whips tendrils of Ali’s hair around her face. She stares at the rows upon rows of marble markers, each the loved one of someone who has had to continue on after a terrible loss. Each stone representing a person; a life summed up in a few quick lines and start-end dates. How can something so cold, so small, so simple really tell the world about the wonderful person now lying 6’ below a smattering of snow and ice cold dirt.

A hand takes hers and she smiles appreciatively at Kyle as he helps her walk across the cemetery to the gravesite. She would not be able to make it through this day without her brother by her side; without him to be her strength when she needed it. She sees the chairs set up for the family members; the stand awaiting the flag-draped coffin that will be carried by hand-picked soldiers instead of the usual Honor Guard.

Ali’s lifts a hand to her face to ease away a strand of hair tickling her nose most inappropriately. She had been so angry when Ashlyn called her. Her wife was not cleared for full duty yet; not supposed to be going into the field with her men and women. But Ashlyn had insisted and Ali, against her better judgment, had agreed. She stares at the ground as her mind replays the conversation once more.

* * *

 

_Ali has just put Malak down for a nap and is getting ready to pack for the She Believes tournament. She is happy to have a reason to procrastinate when her phone rings with the “Jaws” theme song. She grabs it quickly and drops onto the bed._

_“Hey, baby. What’s up?”_

_There is a long pause. “I, uh, have to go meet the team in Thailand,” Ashlyn starts._

_Ali sits up quickly, furious her wife is even considering going into the field. “NO! You’re not fucking cleared for duty! You’re not ready! I’m not fucking ready! You can’t go!”_

_“Alex, please, listen to me- -”_

_Had Ali really listened, she would have heard the pain in her wife’s voice. But her fury was drowning out the clues in her wife’s tone. She shakes her head._

_“NO! There is nothing to listen to! You can’t go! I mean it, Ashlyn! You are NOT ready to work yet!”_

_Ashlyn sighs. “It’s not work. I won’t be there long. I- -”_

_“I don’t care HOW long you think it will take! You can’t do it, Ashlyn! How can you even consider it? HOW?”_

_“Son of a bitch, Alex, LISTEN TO ME!” Ashlyn shouts. Ali’s mouth snaps shut. Ash lets out a quick breath. “It’s not to join the mission, Alex. It’s to...I have to...” She takes a shuddering breath. To say the words makes it real. “I have to escort one of my men home. He was...he died saving a little girl’s life. He deserves the respect of a proper escort home,” she finishes, her voice cracking at the end._

_“Oh my God, Ashlyn...I am so, so sorry,” Ali says, beyond ashamed. “I just...the thought of you...going there and...and...”_

_“I get it. I swear I get it. My ride is already here. I have one flight that can get me there and need to leave immediately to be on it. I’ll call you once I’m checked in and Nettles is sending you the itinerary. I love you, Alex. More than words can say. I’ll see you in a few days.”_

_“Ash...I love you so much.”_

_“Give Malak a hug for me,” she requests._

_“You know I will. I’m so sorry you have to do this, baby.”_

_“Me, too. He was a damn good Sergeant,” Ashlyn states. “I have to go. Love you.”_

_“Love you, too.”_

_Ali hangs up and wipes the tears from her face. It is only then she realizes she had forgotten to ask who had died. She stiffens._

_“Sergeant...she said he is a sergeant. Oh, fuck...not Michael. Please, don’t let it be Michael,” she prays, knowing her wife would be inconsolable if her best friend was the one she is escorting home._

* * *

 

Ali’s is brought back into the present when she feels Kyle stiffen beside her, as if coming to attention. She looks to the hearse and sees the back door open, her wife standing ready to receive the front left of the coffin. It was the family’s request that their soldier be carried by men and women who had stood shoulder to shoulder with the sergeant in good times and in bad.

Across from Ashlyn, Sgt. Michael Andrews prepares to receive the front right of the coffin. Both have faces resembling the garden of stones surrounding them. Inside they are both torn up by their loss. But they will suppress it; they will ignore their own emotions to honour their friend one last time. Ali doesn’t hear Nettles give the order but sees Ash and Andrews turn and start to guide the coffin out. Behind them, other soldiers from their unit step forward and take a handle until 8 soldiers lift up their friend onto their shoulders one last time.

There is something about the finality of this act that hits Ali. Her mind strays to thoughts of teammates and friends leaping on shoulders in celebration. She frowns at herself. This is so different yet she can’t help but equate the images. It is honor. It is celebration. It is...so fucking different she knows her mind is trying desperately to align this with something she can really relate to.

But there is nothing.

A soldier has died. He used his body to shield a little girl when aftershocks started to bring down a building. When the ground stopped shaking, other soldiers started digging through the debris before the dust had even settled. When he was moved, they found the little girl scared, bruised and crying but alive. It was later determined a large rock had hit the sergeant on the back of the neck, snapping the vertebrae and killing him instantly. His last thought in this world was to save a child and he had done so. A posthumous medal will eventually be awarded to him. When it is presented to his family they will thank the officer and smile for a picture. But that medal will not plug the hole in their heart.

Ali starts to search her pockets for a tissue as the soldiers place the casket upon the stand. The wife...make that the widow...of Staff Sergeant Warren “Newt” Newton sobs, her oldest son holding her tightly, as if his grip will ease the pain in her heart. A handkerchief suddenly appears before her and she gives Kyle a small smile in thanks.

The rest of the ceremony goes by in a blur for Ali. She is startled by the first volley of the 21 gun salute. She cries anew as the mournful notes of “Taps” ring out across the cold, snowy day. She watches Nettles present Mrs. Newton with the flag that had covered her husband’s coffin. It doesn’t seem real.

And then just like that it is over. She allows Kyle to turn them and escort her back to Ashlyn’s new Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited. He offers to start it up so Ali can wait in the heat but she shakes her head. She would wait for her wife. Ashlyn is one of the last to pay her final respects to the coffin and then the family. Finally her soldier is marching towards her, head tucked down against the wind. Ali just opens her arms and Ash walks right in.

“You okay?” Ali asks.

“No,” Ashlyn admits. “He taught me so much. I...I never thanked him properly, Alex. I never thanked him.”

Kyle opens the back door and Ali climbs in, sliding across the seat and gently pulling Ashlyn in with her. Kyle closes the door and remains standing outside, knowing Ashlyn needs to cry for her friend but will only do so in private.

* * *

 

Two hours later, the somber mood has turned. Soldiers that were close to Newton gather in his home to mingle with his family, sharing stories of the man and the soldier. Andrews is currently holding court with Ashlyn, Newt’s cousin, youngest son, and friend from church. The group is in stitches.

“So, I look up and see Newt running for all he is worth towards me. Behind him is what I first think is a pack of rats. Then I realize it’s Chihuahua’s, all snarling teeth and yappy barks. He gets past me and leaps up onto the hood of our Hummer. These dogs, there had to be 10 of them, are on their hind legs and looking like they plan to tear him to pieces.” He pauses to wipe his eyes. “So I say, ‘Newt? What the hell?’ though maybe not in such kind terms. And he’s like, ‘I don’t know!’ So I say, ‘You got food or something?’ And it’s like a lightbulb goes off. He reaches into his cargo pocket and pulls out 2 sausage sandwiches from breakfast he hadn’t had time to eat. He tosses them down and the dogs chow down. Once they ate they were sweet little pups. But Newt never knew that as he refused to come down until they were all gone.”

Ashlyn nods her head. “And when I first heard the story, it was a pack of mutts that looked to be Doberman mixes. Poor Newt never lived that down. After that anytime we saw a small dog he got a warning to be wary of it.”

Newt’s son laughs. “My Dad told us that story. But it was Rottweilers, not Dobies or Chihuahuas.”

Ashlyn puts her hand on his shoulder. “Your father was a good man...but not one I’d want with me if wiener-dogs or smaller are on the warpath.”

The group laughs as his cousin launches into another funny story. Ali watches from afar, seeing some of the pain ease in her wife’s eyes and the eyes of 19 year-old Tad Newton. It is wonderful to see. Kyle walks up and offers her a glass of punch.

“You okay?”

“I’m better. Funerals always suck but these gatherings afterward...this is where the healing really starts. Tad and his siblings are learning things about their dad they never knew. And Newt’s soldier buddies are learning about him, too. It is what they all need,” Ali finishes with conviction.

Kyle nods. “Very true. But how are you really?”

Ali sighs and looks up at him. “Work in progress. I was so mad at her, Ky, for going overseas. And now I’m so glad she wasn’t the one buried today. Just a couple bits of guilt I have to work through.” She wraps her arms around him. “Thank you for being here to help me get through this so I can be strong for her.”

“No place I’d rather be than here helping my sisters.” He kisses the top of her head.

Across the room, Mrs. Newton walks up to Ashlyn and Andrews. “Captain, Sergeant, may I speak with you both a moment?”

They nod and follow her down the hall. She goes into a study and eases the door shut behind them. She looks at Ashlyn.

“First of all, I have never had a proper chance to thank you for what you did to get Warren home to us. You gave us more time with him and made us truly appreciate those moments all the more. He joined the Army later than most did to support us and no matter where he went, he loved us with everything in him. Thank you for giving us more time with him.” She goes to the desk in the room and uses a key to open the roll top. She pulls out a wooden box. “He would want another soldier to have this and I want you to have it, too. It was presented to his grandfather at the end of World War II.”

Ashlyn takes the box and opens it. Inside is a special edition Springfield 1911 with gold inlays and etching celebrating the end of World War II. She slowly shakes her head.

“Oh, Mrs. Newton, I can’t. This should go to one of your boys,” she insists.

“Nonsense. They have plenty from their father. This is for a soldier. And when he inherited it, he said it was fit for an officer. I can’t think of an officer he respected more than you. Please, Captain Harris, accept this as a way to remember him.”

Ashlyn takes a shuddering breath. She eases the box closed and looks up to meet the woman’s eyes. “I will treasure it always. Thank you.”

The woman nods then turns to Andrews. “Warren always spoke very highly of you. He said if the President ever decided to make an NCO head of the Joint Chiefs then you would be the right man for the job. I think he looked at you both as a son and as a brother. That’s why I know he would want you to have this.” She goes to a gun cabinet in the room and uses another key to open it. She pulls out an old, leather case. She walks over and presents it to Andrews. “His great grandfather brought this back from Europe after World War I. It became the dress sword for 4 generations of soldiers. Alas, our sons did not enlist but I know he would want this sword to remain in the hands of an active soldier, preferably an NCO.”

Andrews gently opens the case and sees the gleaming sword, complete with engraving and etching along the blade that you no longer see in this day and age. It should be in a museum but Andrews knows he will wear it proudly...on one condition.

“I will accept this sword and take care of it on one condition: should any of your grandchildren ever join up, this will be returned to them. Until then, I will wear it with honor,” Andrews tells her.

Mrs. Newton smiles and pulls him into a hug. “Thank you, Michael. I will accept your condition.”

She nods her goodbyes and steps back out of the room. Ashlyn and Andrews stare at the items in their hands. They had expected nothing but been given priceless gifts to help them remember their mentor and friend.

* * *

 

Kyle glances in the rearview mirror. “Still okay back there?”

Ali nods. “I’m good. She’s still zonked out.”

“Okay. We’re almost home. Want to stop and pick up something for dinner?” he asks.

“Sure. Something quick and easy is fine by me. I’m not worried about one day of bad diet,” she admits.

“Okay. Taco Bell it is,” he reports, knowing it is the closest fast food restaurant to the Krieger-Harris house. Ali nods and goes back to stroking her wife’s head, helping her to sleep peacefully.

Ashlyn feels a gentle kiss on her temple. She sighs and snuggles closer to her wife. The trip had only been an hour and 15 minutes but Ashlyn had not slept well since she received the call. As such, she barely remembers getting in the backseat with her wife. She had been asleep before they got out of Newt’s neighborhood.

“Baby, we’re home,” Ali whispers.

“I smell tacos,” Ashlyn mumbles.

Ali grins. “We got Taco Bell for dinner. A little bit of everything to share.”

“Mmm. Good. Carry me in?”

Ali chuckles and pushes her wife into a sitting position. “Not on your life, woman.”

Ashlyn smiles, staring at the beautiful woman beside her. She sighs and brings a hand to the brunette’s cheek. “Thank you for being here for me, baby. It means more than I can say.”

“There’s no way I’d be anywhere else, honey. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Ali had been scheduled to be with the team that day in preparation for the first game of the She Believes tournament. Jill had been a bit miffed the defender was going to be delayed but Ali was insistent, even knowing her position on the team is in a bit of a precarious spot. In the end, Jill agreed she could get there a day late and Ali had thanked her. Time would tell if this late arrival would mean more than just a benching for the first game of the tournament or more.

* * *

 

Ali gets out of the cab and makes her way to the field. Due to an ice delay she knows she won’t have time to check into the hotel before the vans leave for practice. As such she has texted Jill she would meet them there and then changed into practice gear in an airport bathroom. The warm, Tampa sun beating down on her is a welcome change from the cold DC winter she has left behind.

She had expected to wait for the team in the parking lot but a security guard had recognized her and allowed her out onto the pitch. She makes her way over to a bench and drops her gear and luggage on the ground. She texts Jill that she is on the pitch and then starts to stretch. A quick jog will help get the travel kinks out.

She sets out at an easy pace, the feeling of her dog tags beating time on her chest, marking each footfall with a rise or fall of the warm metal. She tries to focus on her pace, on the sounds of her feet hitting the ground but her mind strays back to the emotional day before. How close had she been to sitting in the same chair Newt’s widow had been in? How close had she been to raising Malak alone?

She had seen the medical reports. She knows in clinical terms that for 4 days her wife’s condition was critical. She knows that it had taken 5 days for Ashlyn to even awaken from the final beating she had taken. What if the Rangers had been later? What if the right person hadn’t been questioned? What if, what if, what if?

She is sprinting. She is trying to outrun the feelings and the images and everything haunting her. She ends up at the goal and screams, kicking the metal over and over again, her arms, muscles bulging, holding the frame steady as she takes out her aggressions on the metal.

And then she is tackled to the ground.

“LET ME GO!” she demands, needing to damage something, needing to destroy anything.

“NO! COME ON, AL! SNAP OUT OF IT!” Tobin is screaming in her ear.

She struggles to pull away but more arms join Tobin’s. She recognizes JJ is helping the middie hold her down. She tries again to pull away. Hands frame her face and she is staring into the scared eyes of HAO.

“Ali, look at me! Ashlyn would NOT want you to hurt yourself. Stop fighting us, Ali. Come on, Kriegs, come back to us.”

Something about the calm voice and steady eyes breaks through the haze that had overtaken Ali. She stares into HAO’s eyes.

“So close, Heather. I was so close to losing her. They were going to behead her. They hurt her. They hurt her so fucking bad!”

All energy leaves her arms and legs, transferring to the hard sobs and gushing tears. The arms around her go from binding to comforting. Tobin and JJ sit her up and HAO joins in the hug as Ali finally lets it all out. The military funeral had ripped open a wound she had not dealt with the way she should have. She had simply bandaged it and forgotten about it; telling herself it is enough that Ashlyn is home.

But it isn’t enough.

She had been scared in a way she had never experienced before. She had made calls every hour on the hour, steeling herself to find out Ashlyn’s body had been found. She had tossed all that stress and fear into a corner of her mind when Ashlyn had been found. She had cried one time for the injuries and nightmares her wife had suffered, then moved on.

But here on the pitch of practice filed in Tampa, she releases emotions she hadn’t even know she’d suppressed. She frees the demons that had been awakened by the call from Ashlyn. Silently stewing in darkness they were now swirling in her mind, a flock of death and despair circling her psyche.

“Ali, listen to me: you didn’t lose her. Yes, she was hurt but she came home to you. I know you must have gone through a million scenarios in your head those 3 days we were waiting. I can only imagine other horrors you’ve experienced as Ash has fought through PTSD. But listen to me, Ali. Listen to me and believe me,” HAO orders. “You are not alone, Ali. Ashlyn is alive. Your teammates are here for you. Your daughter and family are by your side. But we are not enough. Ali...you need help. You can’t hide those emotions away and expect to just heal. I saw the video, Al. I know you saw it, too. And damn right I’ve had to talk to a doctor to get over what my friend went through. No fucking way can you get past it without help. She is your wife, Ali, and there is not a damn thing wrong with getting help to get past this fear. And a shrink is a hell of a lot better than hurting yourself or, even worse, hurting Hope’s goalposts. She holds a grudge,” she finishes with a smile.

Ali stares at her a moment. Gradually her emotions and breathing had gotten under control as HAO had spoken. She manages to smile and nod.

“So, can we let you up now?” Tobin asks carefully.

Ali lifts a hand and pats Tobin’s arms. “Yeah, I think so.”

Tobin and JJ release her then stand, offering their hands to Ali. The defender takes them and allows them to pull her up. She pulls the three women into a hug.

“Thank you, guys. I love you all so much.”

“We love you, too, Al,” JJ says. She meets Ali’s eyes. “I know it’s tough but we’re behind you. We got this, Kriegs.”

Ali smiles, recognizing the statement they had used to help JJ get past her nerves. Now...now it will take on a new meaning. She nods.

“We got this,” she agrees. She glances at the bench and sees the team and coaching staff standing there. “Fuck. Am I getting booted from the team for this shit?”

“Hell no,” Tobin states. “Jill’s worried about you, too. Show her this was the only breakdown you needed and things will be fine. Then it’s just Hope you have to worry about.”

Ali finally turns and looks at the goal. Her eyes widen. “Shit!”

“Yeah.”

The bottom of the goal has been dented enough that the whole structure canted a bit to the left. Ali winces.

“Ashlyn is going to flip when I tell her I had to buy a new goal for this facility.”

HAO chuckles. “Ash is going to flip when she finds out you kicked it hard enough to dent it! Keepers don’t like their friend the post to be hurt,” she points out.

“Ugh. Right.” Ali lets out a breath. “Well, I’ll face that when I get home. For now...time to face the wrath of Solo and Ellis.”

Tobin just pats her on the back and the four walk back over to the bench. Hope lifts an eyebrow.

“At least tell me it insulted you?”

“Hell no,” Ali states. “It called you a wimp and I had to defend your honour.”

The team bursts out laughing and Hope chuckles. “Nice save, Kriegs. Very nice save.”

Ali looks at Jill. “Sorry. Got a little too stressed and too stuck in my head. I lost it a little.”

“Kriegs, losing it ‘a little’ means cussing someone out that doesn’t deserve it.” She nods towards the goal. “That is going off the deep end. Kinda been wondering when you would go, to tell you the truth. Glad to know you’re human.”

Ali smiles. “I’m actually feeling more human now after that tantrum than I have in a while. Tell the Federation I’ll pay for the goal. Not going to argue that I don’t deserve to.”

Jill nods. “I’ll let them know. But when I mention it was insulting Hope maybe they’ll be more understanding.”

The team laughs and Ali nods in amusement. Soon they are all on the pitch running drills and Ali realizes how much she needs this workout and this team to help her when things get a bit too dark in her world.

* * *

 

Ali regains her starting position in the third and final game of the 4 team tourney. She knows it isn’t just because she speaks German. She had felt herself improve over the last few days; felt her passes get sharper, her moves get slicker, her mind get more focused. And even though she is subbed out with 10 minutes to go, she knows she has shown Jill she is looking to help create offense while making sure no one gets past her on defense.

Ali Freakin’ Krieger-Harris is BACK!

As she walks to the sideline, she is smiling ear to ear. HAO pulls her into a hug.

“That’s the Kriegy we know and love!”

Jill pats her on the back. “Looking great, Kriegs.”

Ali drops down onto the bench and grabs her bag. On go her dog tags and she gives them both a kiss. “Love you guys,” she whispers to them before tucking them under her jersey.

After the team returns to the hotel, Ali rushes into the arms of her in-laws, who had made the 2 plus hour trip down to see the game. Her mother, who is also there, chuckles.

“Glad to see she remembers who went through labor with her,” she jokes with Tammye.

Tammye grins. “The nerve of some kids,” she teases.

Ali rolls her eyes. “No offense meant, Mom. Geez. I just didn’t see you behind the Jolly Green Giant here,” she says, pointing at Chris. She gives her mother a hug. “So happy to see you.”

“What about me, Mama?”

Ali spins around, her eyes wide with excitement to see her wife walking towards her with Malak in her arms. She runs to them and envelops them both in a big hug. Ashlyn holds her close, as does Malak. Finally Ali leans back.

“How?”

“Got a call that you might need to see us. So, you’re seeing us,” Ashlyn explains.

Ali smiles, tears in her eyes. “HAO?”

“No. Hope. She said she didn’t want you vandalizing any more of her goals.” Ashlyn lifts an eyebrow. “Why would you dare pick on a poor defenseless goalpost when there are all sorts of forwards to take out your aggression on?”

Ali grins and pulls Malak all the way into her arms. “They weren’t around when I snapped.”

“Good thing. From what I hear we’d be calling in Mia, Lilly, and MacMillan on short notice to fill in. Would have made for an interesting tournament.”

Ali laughs. “Definitely. Might have even dragged Foudy out of the press box.”

Ashlyn gives her a kiss on the head. “We’ll talk more later, right?”

Ali nods. “Right. I promise I didn’t hide things from you. Turns out, I was hiding things from myself. I’m ready to work through them now. I promise.”

“Good, baby. I’ll be beside you every step of the way just like you are with me.”

Ali smiles. “I know. We’re a heck of a team.”

“And always will be. Now, let’s get to the party.”

Ali nods and the trio walk over to their family and on into the celebration of their tournament win.


	16. Chapter 16

Ashlyn’s left hand massages her wife’s head, which is in her lap. Her right hand holds her iPad as she is reading something online. Ali is stretched out across 3 chairs, trying to get rid of the headache she awoke with. In a nearby chair, Tiffany works on a crossword puzzle. In yet another chair, Ken uses a side table to help him sort player charts and update information on some of the players in the DC United development leagues.

What else can they do but try to stay busy while Malak is in surgery?

Ali stretches and rolls over. She looks up at her wife. “What are you doing?”

“Reading,” Ashlyn mumbles.

“Kinda figured that. Reading what?”

“Fanfic.”

Ali lifts an eyebrow. “Fanfic? What show?”

Ashlyn smirks. “Women’s National Team.

“WHAT?!” Ali blurts and quickly sits up.

“Yeah. This one about you and Christen Press is pretty good,” Ashlyn remarks.

Ali grabs at the iPad but Ashlyn holds it away. “Gimme that!”

“Nope. I want to see who decides to carry the baby. You both want to but know you shouldn’t be pregnant at the same time,” Ashlyn explains with a grin.

“Give me that iPad or else, Ashlyn Harris,” Ali threatens.

“Or what? You’ll leave me for Press?”

“Ashlyn.”

“Alex.”

“ASH-lyn.”

“AL-lex!”

“Oh you so are so damn annoying sometimes. Fine, read fanfic about me and Christen. See if I care.”

Ashlyn shrugs. “Okay.” And she continues to read while counting down in her head. “ _Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six_.”

Ali grabs at the iPad but Ashlyn shifts it away in time.

“Damn you,” Ali mumbles.

“You almost got it. I had only gotten down to 6 in my head. I thought I have 5 more seconds,” Ashlyn teases. Ali starts to pout. Ashlyn rolls her eyes. “Oh, fine. Here, Princess.”

She hands over the tablet and Ali immediately starts to scan the story. “HEY! This is Criminal Minds fanfic!”

Ashlyn chuckles as she pours a cup of coffee. “Yep. Was hoping to get your mind off your headache. Did it work?”

“Not really. Now I have a pain in my butt,” Ali mutters as she starts to read the story her wife had chosen.

Ken looks over at Tiffany. “I swear they aren’t teenagers.”

Tiffany grins. “Could have fooled me.”

“Oh ha ha,” Ali mutters.

Ken glances at Ashlyn, who gives him a wink. So far they were two hours in to a probable 4 hours of surgery. Ashlyn is about to offer to go get something from the cafeteria when Crystal Dunn and Lori Lindsey walk in.

“Donuts for everyone!” Lori announces.

Ashlyn smiles. “I knew I loved you for a reason.”

Crystal walks over and offers a separate bag to Ali. “A Dawn-approved smoothie accompanied by a NOT Dawn-approved custard filled donut.”

Ali grins and takes it. “You rock.”

“Yeah, I definitely do,” Crystal agrees with a smile.

* * *

 

Malak’s eyes slowly blink open. She looks around a moment then smiles. Ashlyn leans over and kisses her head.

“How you doing, Mal Bear?”

“I get my Mama arm now?” she asks weakly.

Ali smiles and kisses her, too. “Soon, baby girl. Soon.”

“Groovy,” she mumbles as she slips back to sleep.

Ali looks up and sees Ashlyn smiling down at their daughter. “That’s a little girl that loves her mama.”

Ashlyn nods, never looking up from the sleeping angel. “Definitely. She loves her mommy, too.” Ashlyn looks up. “And she should. Her mother is pretty dang special.”

Ali blushes. “So is her mama.” She reaches over and takes Ashlyn’s hand. “I am proud of you, Ashlyn. You have fought demons when most people would have given up. Thank you for fighting for our freedoms and then fighting your way back into our arms.”

Ashlyn lifts their hands and kisses Ali’s. “No place I’d rather be.”

Ali leans into her wife and they watch their daughter sleep. When Malak awakens a whole new world of possibilities will be open to her.

And thanks to the fact that they admitted they needed help, her mothers would be around to help her make the most of her life.

 

**The end...for now...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, this is the end for now. Wanted to get through the worst of the PTSD so the next installment of the trilogy can be more about NWSL and the Olympics. And, of course, Ashlyn being cleared back to field duty. We'll also see Malak start to learn how to use her new arm. Yeppers, part 3 will be fun. No clue when it will happen since I am working on a new AU for them now and have the outline for another one sketched out. My muse drinks way too many Monsters.
> 
> Soooo, hope you enjoyed this journey with me. If you know someone with PTSD, please help them find assistance. Organizations like Pets For Vets can find them a dog like Kirby the Wonder Dog to help them with their emotions. Take care, all, until we meet again!  
> \--AR


End file.
